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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 09/10/2025 10:19

Please please don't wobble and take him back. I can see in your update you are starting to minimise what he has done.

He is not a normal person, that's why you didn't get a normal response.

NowtWorse · 09/10/2025 10:20

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 09:36

It’s pretty scary to think the OP is raising children, possibly girls, and seems to have absolutely no self respect or idea of what co stories a healthy relationship

I think she does. Where have you got this crackpot idea from @Mywindow?

katseyes7 · 09/10/2025 10:23

You're well rid, believe me. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
This behaviour will escalate if you stay with him.
Enjoy your time away with your friends and keep telling yourself you've dodged a bullet.

violetpink · 09/10/2025 10:24

OP, I actually think you need to block him on all ways he can contact (control) you at least until you come back from your trip.
As you haven’t bowed to his wishes and it’s close to you traveling he is going to up the abuse to try and keep you at home in his control .
Enjoy your girls weekend, do whatever you want and put him to the back of your mind. Don’t let his energy enter your time with your friends.
I will also add that blocking him permanently would be the best idea.
Honestly, the first 12 months is supposed to be fun and loving…not full of crap. I promise you the future will be awful if you stay with him.

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:25

NowtWorse · 09/10/2025 10:20

I think she does. Where have you got this crackpot idea from @Mywindow?

Show quote history

Good lord

are you really asking why it would seem the op suffers from very serious self esteem issues and has an utterly fucked benchmark for what constitutes a healthy relationship? And you don’t think that that might just filter down to her children?

Mumof361168 · 09/10/2025 10:25

Conniebygaslight · 09/10/2025 09:52

My DD is trapped in similar, it's horrific. No DC though and she's only young but wont leave.

Show quote history

I’m so sorry, it must be agonising for you to have to watch it play out. All you can do is be there for her until she feels able to accept your help.

ukathleticscoach · 09/10/2025 10:25

' girls family holiday'

What is that?

Where are you going?

Enjoy now you are free!!!

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:27

Yes what is an all girls family holiday?

BlueberryPancakes17 · 09/10/2025 10:29

He is being controlling and manipulative. Walk away and enjoy your holiday with your friends

Skyflyinghigh · 09/10/2025 10:38

This is a massive red flag and that sort of behaviour only escalates. You have had a lucky escape x

user0345437398 · 09/10/2025 10:39

Congratulations on putting up with that nonsense for the very last time. Enjoy your holiday :D

user0345437398 · 09/10/2025 10:40

ukathleticscoach · 09/10/2025 10:25

' girls family holiday'

What is that?

Where are you going?

Enjoy now you are free!!!

So, it's where you go on holiday with female people from your family.

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:41

user0345437398 · 09/10/2025 10:40

So, it's where you go on holiday with female people from your family.

Show quote history

So a family holiday

AnneButNotHathaway · 09/10/2025 10:42

Honestly, good riddance, OP. Have a nice weekend and enjoy the lovely time with people that actually care about you and love you!

Conniebygaslight · 09/10/2025 10:44

Mumof361168 · 09/10/2025 10:25

I’m so sorry, it must be agonising for you to have to watch it play out. All you can do is be there for her until she feels able to accept your help.

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Thank you, it really is hell.

user0345437398 · 09/10/2025 10:44

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:41

So a family holiday

Show quote history

Yes, just as it says, but with female people and no people who are not female, i.e. male.

toiletpaperthief · 09/10/2025 10:45

Run to the hills OP, this guy is not well in the head. Save yourself a life of misery.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/10/2025 10:50

I had to laugh (at him) when I read that whilst backtracking that he had broken up with you as part of his attempt to continue the relationship he said the following:

"he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous...it’s not the first time he has called me these things

No one should EVER call you names like that!

It really illustrates how deranged he is that he thinks namecalling and other antics will make you cave and comply.

As many pps have said, take all the safeguarding precautions as someone as crackpot as this is unpredictable. I thought the advice about locking the whatsapp but keeping it open in case you need it as evidence and blocking on other things was good advice.

You are so well out of this.

I hope you have a great trip, celebrating your escape with sun, sea and sangria amongst people who love and appreciate you... and shake the dust of this relationship off your sandals as you head off to your holiday.

Original poster
Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 10:59

It’s 12 of us - all women and mostly family, strictly adults only (no children..!!) just to those who have asked what a girls family holiday is

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 09/10/2025 11:03

You know you've dodged a bullet, OP!

He is controlling and angry. Hopefully he'll move on, but I think the advice above about taking some precautions is sensible just in case. Ring doorbell if you can, change passwords, change locks if he had a key, make neighbours aware of the situation, and ask them to keep an eye on the house while you're away. I wouldn't respond to any messages from him, but I think the advice is sometimes not to block, as messages showing escalation can be useful evidence later if you need it (hopefully won't come to this!).

ResultsMayVary · 09/10/2025 11:05

Wow so it's not even a a typical 'girls' weekend away' but female family members? His reaction was already completely unreasonable but to try and stop you going away with family is very worrying.

Keep safe.

Zucker · 09/10/2025 11:06

Block him on everything now before you go away so you don't have to deal with this man child on your holiday. Enjoy yourself!

Pezdeoro41 · 09/10/2025 11:07

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:25

Good lord

are you really asking why it would seem the op suffers from very serious self esteem issues and has an utterly fucked benchmark for what constitutes a healthy relationship? And you don’t think that that might just filter down to her children?

Show quote history

That's unfair. She has actually walked away quite quickly in the scheme of things, and is remaining resolute. These sort of men get inside your head and there is a lot of love bombing at the same time, it's not all negative or no one would continue at all.

It took me longer to finally walk away, and my children (had since) are absolutely fine. I have learned a lot in the process and actually have a much higher bar/lower tolerance for BS than a lot of people as a result now.

hihelenhi · 09/10/2025 11:08

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 09/10/2025 11:03

You know you've dodged a bullet, OP!

He is controlling and angry. Hopefully he'll move on, but I think the advice above about taking some precautions is sensible just in case. Ring doorbell if you can, change passwords, change locks if he had a key, make neighbours aware of the situation, and ask them to keep an eye on the house while you're away. I wouldn't respond to any messages from him, but I think the advice is sometimes not to block, as messages showing escalation can be useful evidence later if you need it (hopefully won't come to this!).

Indeed. His behaviour indicates someone who is quite a bit more than just "insecure" or "a twat" & it's best to be aware and not to minimise what a big red flag it is. Take care and look after yourself, OP.

SandyY2K · 09/10/2025 11:11

Mywindow · 09/10/2025 10:27

Yes what is an all girls family holiday?

A holiday with all the girls in the family.

I've done one before with my sisters and all of our daughters. Sometimes, it includes mums and grandmas.