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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 09/10/2025 08:27

He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

Jesus wept. That’s a him problem. I’d bin him off for this alone. It’s so manipulative 😠.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me

What a dick. I’d say ‘Excellent news’ and secretly hoped the door hit him hard on the way out.

padsi1975 · 09/10/2025 08:29

That is terrifying behaviour from him. He wants to control and isolate you. He is verbally abusive. Run as fast as you can from this man. It will never get better, it will absolutely get worse. Block him on everything and have a wonderful holiday.

Lobelia123 · 09/10/2025 08:29

Wow .... he's just given you a glimpse of how he sees women in general, and you in particular. Lying, promiscuous and uncontrolled sluts who cant be trusted in they are not within eye sight. OP this is a massive red flag on the level of a nuclear bomb.

Purplerubberducky · 09/10/2025 08:31

Have a great time and please never ever fall for his bs. You’ve only known him a year and he’s been abusive on more than one occasion. He’s not good to have around kids and not good to have around yourself. You are sooo much better off and will be freeeee

I bet he has been up to no good himself. The most important thing to do is block delete and move on. Dont give him a way to contact you. ❤️

Fantomflangeflinger · 09/10/2025 08:32

So he went away and you wished him well - wow what a hypocrite

So for the names he called you, I would have thought of plenty to say back.

NowtWorse · 09/10/2025 08:41

pictoosh · 09/10/2025 06:46

You shouldn't have to wade through this shit in order to live your life and do normal things.

12 months you say? Almost worth it for the wisdom. Don't lose another year to this man. He's an absolute headfuck.

Almost worth it for the wisdom.

That's ace. My new favourite phrase and that's what I'm going to say to my friend after her lousy experience. Brilliant way of putting it.

Poppinjay · 09/10/2025 08:42

You were supposed to cancel when he first said he was ending the relationship. Then he could have claimed it was your decision and he would have achieved a major goal in extending his control and the process of isolating you from sources of support.

He took a calculated risk and it backfired on him and did you a great favour. Let him go through all the strategies to reinstate the relationship and grey-rock every one of them. They are just designed to pull you back in and the abuse would continue as soon as he felt secure again.

Well done for sticking to your guns Flowers

ClairDeLaLune · 09/10/2025 08:44

Have a great time OP. Stay strong and do NOT go back to him when you get home.

LemonJellyLegs · 09/10/2025 08:44

Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 08:00

Morning everyone

thank you again for the support it really does mean the world. I need to stay strong.. which I think I can.

looking forward to my trip tomorrow. Me cancelling was and never would be an option when it comes to a man.

im disappointed I haven’t had the regular healthy response of “have a great time!”. It’s ok to have insecurities.. he has been away before and of course I felt a little uneasy in parts being in a new relationship at the time but I kept them to myself, regulated myself because they were MY thoughts and feelings and wished him a great time. He has spoken to me about his insecurities on the lead up to this and I’ve done my best to hear and validate him.

not sure the point of this update, just some feelings being written down I guess so thanks for reading!

Honestly, you dodged a bullet. Just read some of the ladies on here and their awful lives with these men who gaslight and control them.
Do not go back with him and enjoy the weekend away from him

wizzywig · 09/10/2025 08:45

And get a ring alarm xx
Reporting it to the police, even just for intelligence means if the next perspn submits a clares law request, she will find out what he is like. No doubt you'll be painted as the deranged ex

estrogone · 09/10/2025 08:47

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

Controlling behaviour. Lucky escape.

Enjoy your weekend away.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 08:49

OP - please don't allow this man back in your life. He's a real danger to you AND your children.

Labelak · 09/10/2025 08:50

This guy is controlling and dangerous. I hope the relationship is ended.

MrsJeanLuc · 09/10/2025 08:51

I agree with everyone else op. Block him and enjoy your weekend away.

This isn't a man who loves you; he wants to control you. Separating you from friends is a classic tactic.

Be prepared for him to "love bomb" you in a week or so and stay strong. And as others have said, if he you have ever given (or even lent) him a key to your house get your locks changed.

whymewhyme · 09/10/2025 08:52

He has dumped you because he was hoping you would shit yourself, cancell the trip and run back to him groveling and telling him how much you love and want to be with him, meanwhile he sits there feeking hapoy as Larry he has you right where he wants you...arghhhhh what a massive NARC!

Stay strong, your better off on your own than being with a controlling Narcassist

Starlight1984 · 09/10/2025 08:53

Yep I had an ex like this. Completely ruined every night out / weekend away / wedding / event I ever went to. Started off saying he couldn't trust me, then turned to sob stories, then to anger, then back to how much he loved me 🙄Turned out, the whole time he was "worried about me" and what I was doing, he was actually was cheating on me.

DH is the complete opposite - literally couldn't be happier and more supportive when I book a weekend away with the girls (probably because it rarely happens and he enjoys the peace and quiet 😂).

The only ones who behave like these blokes are the ones who are up to no good. Or at least, don't trust themselves therefore by default, think you must be the same as them.

Enjoy your weekend @Thatisthatthen and don't give this bloke a second thought!

Duckswaddle · 09/10/2025 08:59

This guy really hates women doesn’t he.
Block him now, you don’t need to keep hearing from him.

RancidRuby · 09/10/2025 09:03

Careful OP, you're close to straying into minimising and justifying his behaviour territory. This is not insecurity, it's control and abuse.

theemmadilemma · 09/10/2025 09:06

RancidRuby · 09/10/2025 09:03

Careful OP, you're close to straying into minimising and justifying his behaviour territory. This is not insecurity, it's control and abuse.

This. Block and move on.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2025 09:06

Have you answered any of the texts or calls op?

i cannot believe he’s called you these names before. What a vile man.

TaylorNation1998 · 09/10/2025 09:06

Omg op PLEASE stay away from this hideous man. Let him leave, hes a danger.

Alwaysinamood · 09/10/2025 09:08

The updates are worrying, is he likely to turn up at your house before you go and be aggressive, are your children aware of him or met him?
do block him, keep all the messages and I’d also be tempted to report it to 101 as harassment then at least there’s a log, maybe a visit from the police will put him off getting in contact again.

IsThisLifeNow · 09/10/2025 09:18

Best of luck OP, you've done the right thing, have a lovely holiday!

zingally · 09/10/2025 09:19

He's attempting to control you. You are well away from this shrieking, manipulative man-child.
He's so upset about "what you'll inevitably get up to" because he wouldn't think twice about cheating if the situation was reversed.
Go celebrate your lucky escape!

VanessaSanessa · 09/10/2025 09:24

Run, run and run some more.

Never, ever look back, please.

Enjoy your holiday.