Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

@Thatisthatthen
Pleased you’ve only known him for 12 months and not for years.
They get worse, not better, as time goes on.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that you are going to be better off without this absolute prick blundering about in your life.

Have a great holiday with your friends. Change the locks, block the wanker and onwards to upwards for the rest of your life.

Keep all those abusive unhinged texts.
You have children.
He is batshit.
He is trying to coercively manipulate you by threatening suicide.
This is NOTHING to do with you.
Ring the police and hand it over to them.

This is a very very bad man.
Stay the hell away from him.
NEVER allow him into your childrens home again.

He’s a cunt. Block him and don’t look back. Have a good break away.

Dear God. He sounds absolutely vile. Why on earth have you remained with this horrible man for as long as 12 months?

For goodness sake properly end this relationship now and do not let him back.

I would just text "This relationship clearly isn't working for either of us. Please don't message me any more ". Then block him.

I wish you well for a better future.

Tell him as briefly as possible it's over and then don't engage any further - any explanations just give him more to argue with. Tell him once and then if he keeps repeating the same old rubbish just refer him to previous answer - don't give further information.
Don't use informal language like "Thanks mate" - he is not your mate. Keep it distant, minimal, non-emotional.
There is some good practical advice on here - worth following it. You can see that others have encountered men like this.
Hopefully he'll realise you're just not fooled any more.

Well, of course he is because things aren't going the way he planned, are they? You haven't gone running back to him crying "Oh please don't break up with me, I'll cancel my plans and never arrange anything with friends again unless I have your permission first."
It's rather worrying that he's hurled all these deeply offensive and unjustified insults at you before and yet you haven't ended it previously, but this tells you he will not change - in fact, he may escalate to worse behaviour. Personally I'd block the obnoxious arsehole so I didn't have to read all the vile insults (although I can see the attraction in watching him getting more and more wound up as he realises he's shot himself in the foot). You have the moral high ground here OP - do not give it up to him. You deserve so much better than him.

Id text him one last time and state firmly, that the relationship has ended as your not putting up with his verbally and emotionally abusive behaviours.

Then block!

I wouldn’t be reporting suicide threats to anyone. Let him crack on if he’s going to do it (spoiler alert- he won’t).

One. Hundred. Percent.

Might be worth not if already mentioned speaking to women’s aid tomorrow they may advise the best way to handle this especially as you have children. This is very troubling behaviour from him, & as others have said ask for Claire’s law disclosure.

He should have been dumped and blocked a long time ago, but at least you are finally truly seeing who he is now. And it's not nice.

Be careful. But be absolutely done with him. He's not who you thought he was, so please don't waste your tears on the person he isn't.

But yes, talk to your therapist about how to recognise controlling, manipulative, misogynistic arseholes earlier in the dating process so you don't waste another year on one.

Enjoy your trip with your friends. Don't give this arsehole a second thought!

If it's for real, he should be checked on. If it's just an attempt at manipulation, having the police at his door might make him think twice about doing that again. And if you did end up bringing a prosecution for coercive control, this would be part of the evidence.

Op, you have dodged a bullet there.

Block the jealous twat and enjoy your trip!

OP shouldn’t block him. Just ignore.

He’s not going to kill himself. He can’t conceive that you could have a life without him, so the world needs him too. Call the police for a wellness check and this shit will stop. You are calling his bluff.

Yeah, classic isolationing technique. This is a very lucky escape for you!

I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

errr excuse me?! ‘Knowing that you lied to me’ seriously… this is an appalling thing to say.. 🤬🤬

Because people who threaten suicide do as a form of manipulation. They aren’t actually going to do it. So calling 999 as a threat to life makes them look like the idiots they are.

Save all those texts, just in case you need them in the future. Erase nothing.

Block him and move on, stop engaging or leaving room for him to continue to play games.

You should be allowed to go on holiday. Relationships are about trust and a relationship with trust works. Without it, it is doomed to fail and toxic. I'd rather be single than controlled.

You can see all the advice you've had - do take it on board.
Frankly I wonder why your therapist hasn't enabled you to see this already (they can be a mixed bag I think).

OP I’ve only read your posts so I don’t know if this has been suggested but I think it’s highly likely he is cheating on you.

All the men I’ve known to behave like that with their partners were carrying on behind their back. Essentially they are paranoid that you will do to them what they’ve been doing to you.

The phrase “Every accusation is a confession” comes to mind here.

Glad you’re not backing down and that you’re going to continue with therapy because even aside from this the relationship sounded toxic and abusive and you should’ve been well rid before this!

Enjoy your holiday!