Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

His plan was clearly that upon being dumped that you’d immediately cancel the weekend. Now that of course you’re not, he is back tracking and gas lighting you. Get rid of this guy for good. A lifetime with someone with jealousy issues who alienates you from friends and family is what awaits you if not.

He's a lunatic OP, be very glad you found out now and not when married or some similar horrific situation with someone like that.

Be careful, though. Child-men like this can be dangerous.

Enjoy your holiday!

You are not doing anything remotely unreasonable by going away. This is all his issue. His reaction does not make for a healthy relationship. He’s called you names before? Completely unacceptable. Life is too short to waste time with someone like this. I’m guessing at some point he might try to win you back and/or threaten how he can’t live without you. Not your problem. He has shown you who is very clearly and he’s not someone you want in your life. I wish you all the best x

I'd be reminding him of something called the Malicious Comminications Act and any more abuse you'll be contacting the police.

In fact, I would consider logging it anyway in case his behaviour escalates.

You are well rid of him OP, block him and have a great weekend with your friends.

You're well rid of this nutjob. Block him, and up your security at home. He has the potential to escalate things further. He's a controlling manipulative pycho. Don't look back.

He sounds like a cheat if he thinks that kinda thing is inevitable

The trash took itself out
Don't get back with him when he comes to his senses and begs for you back

“LaChouette · Today 21:28

If you haven't already, get a security camera or two, assuming he knows where you live. And if he had/has a key, or ever had access to one, get your locks changed pronto. Double lock/bolt tonight.”

This. Don’t engage. Just tell him to stop
contacting you, then block him. If he turns up at your house, call the police. He is abusive and sounds like he could become dangerous. (Oh, and the obsession that you’re cheating - that may well be because he’s unfaithful and judges everyone by his standards).

Have a fab holiday OP without this excess baggage in your life

Have a great weekend away with the friends/family. If you haven't
/aren't going to block him, don't spoil your time by reading anything he sends, and definitely don't answer any calls.

On a more serious note, he's just escalated quite badly. Do you think there's any chance at all he may have got hold of a key to your house, so do you need to change the locks before you go? And (you're the best judge, and depending on what time you're arriving back home) is it wise to have someone stay with you, or stay with someone that night?

How long have you known him?

In the past, I’ve known friends with guys like this, they weren’t allowed to breathe. It was horrible to witness and it even made me feel very uncomfortable.

The immense pressure was forever present and it never improved.

You have definitely done the right thing 💐

Id Send him one last message saying “you’re clearly not right in the head but do not send me any more messages as we are no longer in a relationship due to your controlling and accusing behaviour. I want no more contact as it’s unwanted and if you reply to this message, I will report you to the police for harassment/stalking”. And do it. He’s clearly not right in the head but don’t feel sorry for him - he will likely threaten suicide big if he does, contact the police and tell them that. He needs help but not from you and none of this is your fault. But please please do not enter into dialogue with him or meet him to give him closure.. He’s unstable and you’d be at risk of him harming you. Block him everywhere

Please have the strength to block this piece of trash and get on with your life. Stop answering the phone to allow him to abuse you.

Thank you for everyone’s incredibly kind and supportive messages! I am so grateful to everyone 💐

I’m not trying to sound stupid, I genuinely would like to know why I would report suicide threats to the police (just in case). Is this so they can perform a welfare check? Or is it because it’s aligned with coercive control?

I’ve rarely, if ever, seen a more unanimous verdict. Listen to the internet strangers - no good will come of this no good man!
Enjoy your trip!!!

We have been together for 12 months

He's making this very easy for you by behaving completely unhinged OP. You dont need this is in your life or in your children's lives. If his behavior concerns you in any way though do reach to family/friends for support especially if you think hes likely to turn up at your house unexpectedly. Enjoy your weekend away onwards and upwards without this control freak!!

I want you to report the misogynistic slurs and general sudden aggressive nature of his recent texts.

Congratulations @Thatisthatthen the nasty insecure little gaslighter has stomped his way out of your life without you having to do a thing.
He will be furious because his mantrums, manipulation and insults have landed him in the cold rather than you under his thumb. Celebrate! Your life is free of his toxicity.

I bet he was punching and a shit shag as well - they always are when they pull these stunts.

Leave him to his rage and imagination and enjoy yourself but keep him blocked - the threats to top himself will start next!

Please please stop engaging with him. He is using every tactic in the book and he will just get more and more abusive.
I have 100% been here and I’m so glad I walked away.
Please block him and do not speak to him again. Order some cameras for your house as well xxx

Research and domestic homicide reviews show that when a man threatens suicide in the context of a relationship — especially if he is also controlling, jealous, or abusive — it can indicate a high risk of homicide or murder-suicide.

Not in every case, obviously, but it is always a serious red flag. Stop engaging with him. I know it’s difficult. Don’t block him, but don’t engage.

Heed the red flags. Let the trash take itself out.

At best, he's not emotionally ready for a relationship because he's insecure or maybe hasn't got over some previous relationship issue, and that's making it impossible to trust. At worst, he's showing early signs of engaging in manipulative, controlling behaviour, which can escalate into coercive control and other forms of abuse.

Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, and do not look back. This will not end well if you stay.

Allow me to congratulate you on the bullet you just dodged.

Kick him to the kerb. Any man who called me a dirty whore would be regretting it all the way home to his mother's. It comes down to self respect.

You can do better. Hell, get a dog, it's still trading up and with training, most have better manners than that.