Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

Absolutely block now. In fact I'd lock the door and have the police on speed dial.

I’d suggest you block him, as I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he stages a “medical / mental health” emergency this weekend to try and ruin your trip. Don’t let it happen.

Like another poster said, his words about loving you “too much’ are pretty chilling. He wants to blame you for his own poor outcomes. He’s an abusive controller, and he’s throwing a tantrum because you didn’t come to heel as he expected. Please make a clean break - he’s not your problem any more.

Please, please block him and ignore from now on. Have a wonderful weekend!

This has got to be good riddance, surely, no? What is there to be sad about?
What were the wonderful moments between the jealous bits, the paranoid bits and the blaming bits?

Save your worrying for if/when he doesn't actually go. In all seriousness, make this decision final and nip any future signs of stalking or emotional blackmail right in the bud. He sounds a bit red flaggy to me.

I am so sorry that he has said these things to you but maybe, this time, it will underscore what a dangerous and mentally unwell man he is. You said he has said many of these things to you before, but now you have MNers on your side, hopefully showing you how nasty and horrid his behavior is.

It really is time to block him because, as hard as it is to know it's over, he is enjoying castigating and denigrating you. Don't let him do this to you.

Enjoy your holiday as a much wiser woman who won't fall for a narcissist again.
Oh, and hug your DC. You've saved them a load of heartache.

And definitely let your friends know what’s happened. And anyone holding the fort at home while you’re away. They will be 100% behind you.

He sounds like a total prick! You’re far better off without him. Go and enjoy your weekend.

You haven't bitten OP and you called him out so he's now hitting the volatile stage.

Do you have a family member who can come over? Please make sure you are safe, doors locked etc.

Do not engage take off read receipts etc and contact the police if necessary.

He is being nasty because you are not conforming to what he expected aka cancelling holiday, apologising but this also can put him into the volatile category. Please speak to womens aid for info and support and police if it escalates

His manipulation hasn’t gone the way he hoped so now he’s getting nasty. What a bastard. He probably thought you’d roll over, cancel your trip and learn to pander to his childish, controlling ways. Good on you for seeing through him and getting rid. Hopefully he leaves you in peace to move on with your life.

Run run run. I ended up marrying one of these. He showed me his true colours at six months but I ignored the red flags because I also had low self esteem despite being not bad looking. He was convinced everyone fancied me yet ‘no one but him would want me’. He ended up violent as soon as we married. I was out of there in less time than it took to arrange the wedding.

Well, on the plus side, as his behaviour has escalated, you have seen the light. Sadly, in a lot of cases, by the time the man is behaving this way his victim is already too far in and would either cancel, or ruin her weekend by constantly calling, texting and sending photos to prove how innocent she is, while hating every minute of being away. so well done you!!!!

And make sure you and they block him as he’ll try and ruin your weekend away.
what a tosser!

If you haven't already, get a security camera or two, assuming he knows where you live. And if he had/has a key, or ever had access to one, get your locks changed pronto. Double lock/bolt tonight.

You know who is paranoid about their partner cheating?

A cheater.

They judge by their own standards.

He's shown himself to be an aggressive, manipulative control freak and ending things is definitely in your best interests.

@Thatisthatthen I know you said your bar is in the gutter but you have not fallen for his crap and now he is throwing his toys out the pram and trying to control you and you’ve not taken the bait. I know it hurts but you came here, asked questions knowing you were right and we’ve all backed you up - well done. Enjoy the time away. He has shown his true colours.

I don't think your bar's in the gutter right now, OP, I think you're being amazing. Hold fast!

I would imagine there's going to be some crying and begging at some point and you just need to remember that whatever he is doing, it is to try to draw you back in to control you. It's all the same terrible, clingy, bullying, angry, vicious man.

Run for your life (literally) @Thatisthatthen

Hahaha OP he’s a right fucking weirdo. Lucky escape for you ❤️😂

I am going to repeat what a wise MNer said above. Get a couple of cameras, like Ring or Blink and if he has a key, get the locks changed. Even if you think he had control of a key because he could have made a copy.

Be aware of your surroundings and if he shows up anywhere, call the police.

Time to block him!!! He wants to get to you, to make you beg him to take you back. He doesn’t like that he has lost control. Cry, shut down whatever you need to do to not go back to him!

THIS. Run away and thank your lucky stars he's shown you what he is.

Sometimes people can have trust issues based on their own insecurities, and very often if one parent betrayed the other.
Often I hear younger people saying they'd not like their partner to be friends with men/go round to their house, which I find strange, because I've always had friends of both sexes and I expect my partner to trust me, whether that's a girls' night out, or meeting my male friend for lunch.
I always figured that if you don't trust someone, they may as well be cheating, because you're treating them like a cheat.
I know now I'm lucky, because I didn't have the trust issues some people do. But your boyf really needs to sort this out. It might not be his fault that he feels as he does, but it's up to him to get help and not prejudge you, based on what other people he knows might have done.

Well rid. Please don't take him back. I suspect he will change his mind once it is clear his attempt to stop you going has failed.
If you continue this relationship you will forever be controlled and limited by him.

Reply if you wish: Thanks mate , very much for your very long text filled with negative lies about me. I don't find this attractive and will find someone who will have positive opinions about me.

This guy is controlling and is upping the anti continously today because you are not responding in the way you want. I am so glad you have a therapist.