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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 08/10/2025 20:59

Please just block him and never see him again. He will come back grovelling, showering you with affection only to do it again & again but worse. It’s a pattern of controlling behaviour. Don’t fall for it OP

Conniebygaslight · 08/10/2025 21:01

BauhausOfEliott · 08/10/2025 18:41

He’s controlling, nasty little shit.

I suspect he’ll try and crawl back to you and will keep pestering you. Block him. He’s awful.

Me too!

SpiceDad · 08/10/2025 21:01

Run a mile. He is only going to get alot worse.

Squigglydums · 08/10/2025 21:02

I can’t believe you don’t have the ick already. Beware this is also a tactic narcissists use- if he is one then this is him throwing his toys out of the pram. Failing this, he will move onto guilt tripping you. Run. And block.

Notajogger · 08/10/2025 21:02

Perhaps, as you have kids, staying single for a while and keeping going with the therapy for a while is the way to go. Your bar needs to be much, much higher!

fireandlightening · 08/10/2025 21:03

Really dodging a bullet here. He sounds highly disturbed. He will just drag you down with him. Please keep yourself and your DC safe from him. Block him, enjoy your holiday, shed a few tears and move on!

CharlieEffie · 08/10/2025 21:05

He's done this so you either cancel your trip or you dont enjoy it as your so upset from break up. My ex did this multiple times!!! DONT LET HIM! Block his number and go and have the BEST holiday. You are so much better off without him

ThriveAT · 08/10/2025 21:05

This is not your problem. Huge, red flag.

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 08/10/2025 21:05

The ones who accuse you of infidelity in this unfounded way are the maddest of them all. He would ruin your life if you let him. Be thankful he’s given you an out, 🥳 but please also be alert to him as he might be hard to shake off. This type doesn’t like to lose control. I eventually had to move country to get rid of mine !! I hope you have a fabulous break and that the loser moves on v. quickly 🤞

Moonlightfrog · 08/10/2025 21:06

I haven’t read the whole thread but I hope you have a lovely holiday OP. You have dodged a bullet.

He was hoping you would back down and not go, if you had done this you would have been forever under his control. He’s abusive and this is typical abusive behaviour, making out it’s making him unwell, making out your being unreasonable and then trying to manipulate you into not going.

Go and enjoy yourself and block him.

ForNoisyCat · 08/10/2025 21:06

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

How nice he might be you really don’t need this aggro but you DO need your friends snd your space. Go in you break, and many many more. Leave him and let him think about his stupidity.

Crochetandtea · 08/10/2025 21:08

Have a wonderful time as a newly single woman. The right man for you won’t be like this

Crochetandtea · 08/10/2025 21:09

Next message to him should read.
You’re right ! We aren’t a match for each other. Bye 👋

justasking111 · 08/10/2025 21:09

I have three sons two married, one in a long term relationship. All their partners have girl getaways. There's never been an issue. They've had lads getaway's. It's healthy.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 08/10/2025 21:10

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 18:38

He said, he would be happier never speaking to me again as he will never then know what I have been up to, yet he loves me so much, too much which is why his life is in a mess.

honestly he’s making out that I’ve been sleeping with men left right centre and totally disrespecting him the last 12 months which is far from the truth.

i know I am better off, I really do. I’m just hurt, but bring on the weekend! Surrounded by women who I love and love me, with sun, sangria and.. not sex!

Wow!!! The amount of red flags I could count……..he has done you a massive favour!

Thank your lucky stars & pls toast this loser taking himself out of your life.

Pls do one thing & block him COMPLETELY.

Do not give this poor excuse of a man anymore of you. He will suck the life out of you once he has isolated you from everyone. You will end up walking on eggshells for the rest of your life trying to keep this insecure needy twat happy.

Learn a massive life lesson about such men and do not look back.

If he continues to find ways to contact you after you have blocked him you need to report him.

Just one quick question when he dumped you by text did you respond to say ok or anything? I ask only so he knows you agree to the breakup. If you didn’t then do that and tell him never to contact you ever & just block block block.

It’s only to ensure he gets the message and then he can’t ever say she never broke up with me and that’s why I have persisted in continuing to contact her. You never know with these type of insecure fools.

Do make sure someone keeps an eye on where you live if you live alone and I hope he doesn’t have a key because otherwise you will need to change your locks.

Now go be happy, enjoy your girls weekend and don’t look back!!!!

Original poster
Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:11

Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous over text (I’m not and he knows it, not trying to sound big headed sorry). The thing is, it’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it and yes, I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter. That makes me feel the saddest out of everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:12

Oh and to add, he called me accusing me of having another man here already!!

OP posts:
Crochetandtea · 08/10/2025 21:13

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:11

Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous over text (I’m not and he knows it, not trying to sound big headed sorry). The thing is, it’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it and yes, I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter. That makes me feel the saddest out of everything.

Congratulations on getting rid of him. Go on your holiday and have a wonderful time with people and go do care about you. You have been conditioned to believe you need a man to be happy. You don’t. You will be happier alone than with a really crappy man.

LoyalMember · 08/10/2025 21:14

What you doing with this needy, manipulative, manchild? Tell the arsehole to get to f#ck...

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 08/10/2025 21:15

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:11

Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous over text (I’m not and he knows it, not trying to sound big headed sorry). The thing is, it’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it and yes, I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter. That makes me feel the saddest out of everything.

Aww, did you not fall for his utterly transparent attempts to control you?

How dare you!

I hope this is only emphasising what am utter Muppet he is.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/10/2025 21:16

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:11

Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous over text (I’m not and he knows it, not trying to sound big headed sorry). The thing is, it’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it and yes, I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter. That makes me feel the saddest out of everything.

Wow this escalated since my last post! He is terrifying! He’s fuming because you’ve not cancelled/begged. He made a stupid decision and he’s paying the price and he’s showing you what he is! Listen to him! Please block this psycho. I cannot tell you enough how hellish your life would have been with this man. You have had such a very lucky escape. Enjoy every single second of your holiday!

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/10/2025 21:18

Also, consider doing The Freedom Programme!

Menopants · 08/10/2025 21:18

block him. And have a lovely weekend. You will be be sad and bruised by this but not and sad and bruised if you stay with him and let him abuse you like this

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 08/10/2025 21:18

I hope you’re ok and safe OP. I did worry it would escalate (I have that particular T-shirt). Please take care of yourself and report him if it feels at all threatening. 🙏

browneyes77 · 08/10/2025 21:20

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 21:11

Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, then proceeded to tell me I am hideous over text (I’m not and he knows it, not trying to sound big headed sorry). The thing is, it’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it and yes, I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter. That makes me feel the saddest out of everything.

He’s getting angry because he’s realised his attempt to control you and emotionally blackmail you into cancelling your trip, hasn’t worked.

He’s done you a favour. Because trust me this behaviour will only get worse if you’d stayed with him. He’d have tried to isolate you from all of your friends and family.

He needs therapy, not a relationship.

Go enjoy your trip with your girls and block the twat!