Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️ <~ you

Congratulations 🥂 You have dodged a massive bullet. Sadly for him he played his hand too soon. Normally they take a bit longer to show their true colours. Have an amazing weekend, and block him so you don’t have to bother with the increasingly unhinged messages ❤️

I love it when my wife gets an admiring look, or attention from another bloke. What a compliment that she chooses to share her life with me, despite obviously having other options. I would question his own faithfulness, because that insecurity, and that expectation of cheating has come from him, not you. He has a very low opinion of himself, and of you. It's hard to see through emotions in the moment, but stay the course. This relationship is not what love is.

He's pedalling this as being motivated by love.
He may well even believe that he is motivated by love.
But it's not love, it's ownership and control. He is motivated not by what makes you happy and fulfilled but what suits him and serves his needs...of which there are many.

Don't go doe-eyed at his 'troubled romantic' routine. He'll suffocate you.

Reply saying “goodbye .. don’t let the door hit you on the way out”

what an utter a-hole.

You've had a lucky escape. He's got serious mental health issues and needs professional help.

CONGRATULATIONS on getting your freedom! Your ex would only keep closing the world off until you had no friends and saw your family rarely.

Men like him have to control every aspect of your life and come up with some doozies to try and get you to feel for them and then hope you acquiesce.

Yuck on him and YAY!!! for you!

I read all of your posts and honestly, he sounds scary! "He loves you so much" that he assumes you are sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry? I see you realize how crazy that is, but don't fall for his shtick.
Please, please, please, block his controlling, mentally abusive azz. You deserve better and your DC deserve better.

Have a wonderful holiday and be glad that you got your freedom before he had destroyed your mental health.

EDIT: I've done my typical thing of quickly reading an OP and nothing else. I'm so sorry. I'm going to leave my post on regardless though, as someone else may find it rings true with their situation and manages to get the help they need. Sorry again and all the best to you OP!

I know everyone is saying he's controlling etc but I've actually been on the other side of this. When my mental health was bad, whenever my partner was away I had all sorts in my head. It wasn't that I didn't trust him as such, more that I didn't really know why he was with me as I didn't think I deserved him, or was worth much at all. So I was always checking he loved me, asking questions, looking over his shoulder if he was texting because I was always expecting the worst. Not just in my relationship, but in every aspect of life.

I have since got help with my mental health and I'm so chilled (with the same partner!) it's unreal. He can go out without me feeling anxious, I haven't looked at his phone in years, I don't need reassurance that he loves me.

Yes, my behaviour was terrible. But it was due to very poor mental health, which I then addressed. I couldn't help feeling that way at the time, and the way I felt seemed completely and utterly valid at that point.

If you've not been together long you may want to walk away, as a partner with poor mental health is HARD work.

But I would urge you to at least have a chat to him about maybe getting some help, as he shouldn't be feeling like this about you going away.

Of course, there is always the chance he's just a controlling bastard, but none of us know. I just wanted to put this side of things across.

Been there with 'loves too much' and how strongly he feels is 'messing with his head'.

All bullshit. Just insecure, controlling men.

Every time I did something without him he would be in a bad mood. I was walking on eggshells.

Then the apologies came about how he loved me so much and was just scared of losing me blah blah.

Block before you leave and have an amazing time with your friends - the people who don't make you feel like shit!

Please block his number so you are not bothered by his calls and messages this weekend because he will be messaging/calling you, and when you ignore them he will use that as a stick to beat you with and 'prove him right about getting up to god knows what' 🙄

Have a fab weekend away, use it as a clearing him out of you life session.

This is just the beginning. Do not get back with him he will slowly ruin your life stop you from going anywhere and seeing anyone. Trust me I’ve been there. Seriously run!

Congratulations!!! Happy for you 🍾🎉💃

I wish more abusive men came with a self-pressing eject buttoning.

I know everyone is saying you are better off without him and you are of course, but it's not always easy to switch your emotions off so take care and allow yourself to process the end of the relationship.

You are well out of it OP. Don't take him back! Hope you meet someone who can deal with his partner having her own life.

Good riddance. Have an AMAZING holiday. You deserve it.

Gosh how did you get messed up with this controlling loser. You must see what he’s trying to do, he’s jealous, and wants you to cancel, utter loser.

don’t respond. Just ignore him now, text him its over whe you’re safely away with your friends, no one can take the abuse he’s doling out.

He needs the therapy - not you. Have a great time

Boyfriends come & go

But your girlfriends will be with you forever !

Have fun with your girls

You will fund someone better in the future

don't you dare go back to this person. This is such an obvious control play to get you grovelling and people pleasing and cutting off your friends and family.

No the op need therapy for putting up with this for a year.

and she has children.

The op’s benchmark is in the gutter and that needs to be addressed

"Dear Fuckwit, you don't need to worry about what your girlfriend will be doing on a weekend away as you no longer have one. Fuck off. OP."

just block him. he will spend the entire time trying to ruin your mood on holiday begging for attention and arguments.

Yes this. Go and enjoy your break with people who love and respect you and will be part of your life and support network long after you've ditched this drain on your happiness.

Let him be him (jealous/ needy/ insecure) and don't try to analyse why (or even worse what you did or how you can fix him).... all of those are issues for him to consider if he choses too.

all you can control is how you let it affect you (ie don't let it) and what boundaries you have in place so that his problems don't keep landing on you (don't listen to the inevitable apology/ promise to change/ blaming you or saying your are mean/ how much he loves you/ can't live without you - just say no to his drama from now on.

He is a walking, talking red flag.

This is exactly the sort of person who ends up featured in a documentary like “my lover my killer”.

To quote a phrase I’ve learned on here, “throw that one back”.