Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

[Boomska]

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

If you do this, it'll be your 3rd consecutive message after just one date. That makes YOU the red flag. Dont do it, instead invest your time in yourself and your own stuff and give him space to come back to you. No blocking required.

@Boomska have you heard anything from him?

Agreed.

Even if he messages you...
Do not go on another date.

I have been on about 6 or 7 of these dates... it never ends well ultimately.

I remember my dh who i met via OLD saying something after we'd been married a while it was approx
'when I saw your profile picture I remember thinking "I would be so lucky id she agreed to a date and if she does i better not fuck it up" '

Our first date was actually pretty impromptu - and he went to TM lewin in london bridge station and bought a new shirt as he didnt have a clean ironed one 😅
After that he messaged and set dates consistently and I never had that "why hasn't he texted" nervous sick feeling.
It was just enjoyable and easy - THAT is what you are looking for. Not this.

He is probably not in intensive care, unable to speak or move and reduced to communicating by blinking. If he is, you're unable to help. In all likelihood he simply is not interested or he's attached or, on further reflection, decided something about you doesn't fit with his plans. When single I always took the view that it was a numbers game. I cheered myself up about dud dates - where they had talked about their commitment phobic issues for example and said they thought it was okay if it sort of sneaked up on him - by thinking at least tomorrow's night's date with somebody else might be fun. I didn't have time to worry about contacting men who didn't call back or at least no more than the odd twinge. I wouldn't have called or texted or whatever to a man who didn't call back with a concrete offer of a second date. Just keep your dignity on this one. I certainly wouldn't be too available as there is an element of people wanting what they can't easily get despite all the women banging on about the need for open communication.

My son can be very charming and engaging. He broke up with his long term partner and went out on about 12 first dates - to be fair, he paid. I think at least two made the shortlist for a second date. He is now seeing one of the two. I am sure that the other 11 were lovely too but there was something special for him about the woman he is now going out with. Or maybe some of the 11 weren't keen on him either. I am fairly sure though that he wouldn't have mentioned a second date to any of these women without intending to follow through.

Ok maybe a bad way of phrasing it. What I’m trying to say is if he’s interested, he would be messaging back.

Just to say when I met my husband, it was just easy. He was keen and consistent. For the first time, I felt we were on the same team and he felt the same.

100% this…..I’m 53 now and please trust me when I say if a man wants you he will make it known !!! I just wish I had my 53 year old head on when I was younger , would have saved so many “ What if” chats with my friends….xx

Written far more articulately than I could have ever put it….and every word is spot on xx

He's not worth it.

I really dont understand this pre-occupation with texting back someone in XX hours that some people have. Who sits there and counts the hours? No me. I usually text or email back withih 48 hours but not always. Earlier today my mobile rang while I was busy with a photo shoot so I let it ring off. When I checked a couple of hours later it was spam, So nothing lost. If it was a important I would have phoned back.

I think you're going to need to adjust your expectations on comunication - you'll struggle to find many men who immediately match what you want, unless they're (and we unfortunately see a fair few in threads on here) of the coercive controlling type.

You may well be coming across as far too needy.

Please read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” before you go on another date. And don’t message him again.

Goodness- you sound intense and far too pushy.

Let men do some work if they want to see you!

While I think this isn't always true and that men (and women) do sometimes play silly games either consciously or unconsciously the basic principle is the same. Unless he is chomping at the bit to be with throw him back and keep looking for one who is. Reasons don't matter only how they act and show up for you.

Also OP, one date and a few texts is too soon to be getting so invested in someone.

I did this with my now DH, he's still notoriously poor at communicating, he hates his phone, he'd genuinely been ill for a few weeks and had hardly spoken to anyone. He got a real piece of my mind as he didn't seem like the type to ghost, he was so apologetic, but I appreciate he's probably a one of a kind!

Totally agree with you. When I met my partner online, he got in touch promptly to agree the next date and then I didn't really hear from him much until we met up for that next date, which suited me really well. I found the men who messaged constantly after the first date, asking me what I'd been up to, sending me photos of their dinner (?) etc totally overwhelming. It put me off, I find it to be way too much pressure when someone is so invested in the first few months.

I guess we also need to find someone who's communication style matches our own. I don't want a partner who needs me to message him constantly. I prefer someone who's a little more relaxed and can deal with me being a little more relaxed too. The OP's date told her he's a poor communicator, given that she seems to want A LOT of communication they seem incompatible.

I think it's a red flag when people are so invested so fast though. It suggests they have self esteem issues, they're lonely, they don't have enough going on in their lives or they are manipulative, controlling, love bombing types.

This!

I wouldn’t send him that message OP. It’ll be three messages without a reply!
I can’t believe there are some people on here who’d block someone if they didn’t reply in 24hrs!
Sometimes a real connection takes a few dates. It’s healthy not to be so attached to someone after a date. And people have lives.

In your shoes I would do nothing as I have my own life. I'd keep going as normal and that includes online dating with other men.

Why are you texting so much anyway? You're signalling you have nothing much going on. Get busy.

It's too late here but is never send a message asking if everything is ok. Keep messing minimal and focused on organising the next date. That's when you get to know someone; it's a false sense of intimacy otherwise. Let it happen naturally, slowly and in person.

Always let them know you value yourself and your own time highly.

Quite simply, this.

Sorry op, it's annoying, but I find that if men are into you (and decent), they don't mess about

You've sent a message, and he hasn't responded. I would leave it at that. I agree 100% with another poster, if a man is definitely interested, there will be no second guessing/mind games, it will be obvious. It takes a minute to reply back to a text message. If he hasn't responded, then he's not interested enough in you. It's possible he had a date on Saturday and even Sunday.

He will have seen your first message but didn't respond, what makes you think sending him another one will suddenly make him respond to it ?

I also think he met you, liked you enough, went with the flow, then went on a date on sat night, said he had a quiet weekend as he didn’t want to say actually I’ve a date lined up, it’s one of those awkward things you can’t really say on a first date, even though you should be able to, and he’s met this woman and preferred her, so ghosted you op.

I think that’s why we are all hoping you didn’t send that text to him, he’s a random you met once, and begging is never attractive. Most people would get the immediate ick if they got that second text, they’d not be guilt tripped into responding, so even if he was in two minds, that text would make it up for him. Too much. Too soon, a date and a kiss, with no firm offer of a second date is not a relationship it’s just a bit of fun.

i think you maybe got all over excited and he didn’t, and that’s always hard.

Leave him alone now

Op did you send that text? It’s too much. Step back next time, if they don’t respond leave it.

I don’t call my friends; I communicate via WhatsApp. My phone died on me Saturday night and I’ve lost half my contacts. Now using DH old phone and it looks like I’ve flounced off loads of group chats.

Sometimes, just sometimes, people’s phones die.