Just need to vent really. Met a man on a dating app a month ago . Both of us mid-40s. I have kids but he doesn’t. At first he seemed like he was head and shoulders above previous dates as he was clear about interest in seeing me, consistent in contacting me and well-mannered. He was also good at planning dates. Second date he had baked me a cake I mentioned I liked. Third date he brought me something else home-made. The sexual connection was the best I’ve ever had although he did overstep boundaries a couple of times in terms of doing something I consider not standard without checking it was ok first. He booked a mini break for us for two nights (which I won’t be going on now).
I did notice on dates that he barely asked anything about me and I had to do a lot of the conversational heavy-lifting. A lack of curiosity about me and lack of asking any follow up questions if I told him something about myself. I also almost walked away early on as he divulged that he and his wife had lost a baby to SIDS and he referred to the baby as “it” and spoke in a really disconnected way about her. It seemed so dehumanising and I suspected he had unprocessed trauma.
He did all the lovely stuff though like wanting to cuddle me in bed for hours which I had really been missing. He could be quite considerate eg remembering my food preferences etc.
We were meant to go out for dinner last night and he was going to stay over even though I had a very early train to catch this morning. I came down with flu symptoms Thursday evening (told him
at the time) and by Friday morning I felt wretched. I also developed cystitis and was passing blood. So I messaged in the morning yesterday to explain what was going on and got this message “Are you cancelling on me now?” No concern for me at all. I explained that I was simply being considerate about not passing germs on to him and I would have to see how I felt a bit later. He apologised for his terse message (blamed it on being in the car) and said he would still like to come over and cuddle. As the day went on I felt worse and worse and so I messaged at 11.30am to cancel the whole evening. I didn’t want him staying over as know I just needed to sleep and I can’t sleep well with a new man in my bed. I emphasised how much I wanted to see him and offered alternative dates. It took him 3 hours to respond and all I got was “Ok…. supper cancelled.” That was it. Nothing for the rest of the day.
This morning I caved and messaged to ask what was going on. I got very terse responses saying he was upset and could not see how things could progress if we can only see each other for “the odd evening.” He said it was a shame as he thought there may have been potential. I’ve seen him multiple times per week, sometimes just for a dog walk of the kids were home but also for sleepovers and meals out. This week… saw him Friday night for meal, Saturday dog walk, Sunday dog walk, Wednesday sleepover!
I know it was only short-lived but I’ve had such a rubbish time dating and he was the first one I could see potential with in so long. I just don’t understand how you can do a 180 like this… feel I have whiplash. I know the sulking is a huge red flag and there is no going back from here. Not sure what I’m looking for from this other than your thoughts on the situation. How do you go from telling someone that it means so much to hold them all night and planning trips away to just freezing them out when they don’t do what you want one time. Just feel sad and worn down today.