My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

You can breastfeed and work outside the home. I bf both kids until reception. And worked outside the home on weekdays so was away from them from 8am until at least 7pm. 1st child was 10mo so was easier but 2nd child was 5mo.

wasn’t easy with a small baby but was do’able.

however. Childcare is expensive so worth looking at jobs that can be fitted into evenings - cleaning offices or stacking shelves.

sign up with some agencies and see what comes your way. Christmas shelf stacking kicks off soon. (I used to do this in M&S - via an agency! And worked alongside mums of my friends!!)

Plus you get more help losing your job if renting than if you have a mortgage although it is better than it was. My husband lost his job and they wouldn't offer help with the mortgage until you had been unemployed for nine months.

Worth doing a benefit check OP. Even if not entitled to SMP you might be entitled to other payments. Sorry things are so stressful.

I haven't read all the replies so sorry if i’m repeating someone
I managed to get a Seasonal job at Royal mail 2 years ago, sorting mail/parcels, night shift, started at 10:30pm finished at 6:30am Monday to Friday, it was very good money
I was offered other hours too whilst there, but it did stop early Jan, it got us through tho
I joined the agency afterwards but didn't get alot of shifts so I had to look else where, I got another job.

Its 3 now i believe but a loan

OP get a formal benefit check. Some council’s have a Discretionary Housing Payment DHP fund to help make up the difference. Also don’t be too proud to use your local food bank. They often have items for babies freeing up your income for priority bills. Once you’re on your feet can donate back if you want to pay it forward. If you have non priority debt speak to a money adviser as that can wait and focus on rent, heat, light, council tax etc. If you haven’t already let your energy company know you have a baby and register (free) for priority services register. If your DH is able to registering with agencies could tide you over. If you have friends/family you haven’t told and who could offer support reach out there too. It’s a lot to cope with, with a young family but you’ll get there. Just sorry as much feel like a huge pressure.

So are you still employed? I understand that if you’d not long started you’d not be entitled to maternity pay only SMP, but are you still employed or did you resign your post? Could you look into going back early?

This seems the easiest in terms of access. Ask if you can go back early and the dh does the childcare.

I'm in my 50s now, and this has happened multiple times throughout my life with various recessions and changes to the job market. And I'm here to tell you, you absolutely will get through it. You will claim all the benefits you're entitled to (this is when you'll be glad to be renting!) you'll negotiate reduced payments on any consumer debt you have, and your husband and/or you will find a job eventually. It won't be nice, but it will pass. The most important thing is to stay positive because the real problems come if you lose perspective, panic and it takes a toll on your mental health. So prioritise your wellbeing, excercise, relax, find cheap ways to make each other laugh, and remember as trite as it sounds, if your family are all well and still breathing in and out, you've a long life ahead to get back on track.

One of you, doesn’t matter who, needs to take a job. Any job. Hopefully, as a short term measure.

If you have more chance of paid employment than your husband right now then realistically it’s you who needs to go back to work full time - you can’t expect 2 adults to both be home. The baby can and will manage if you pump if it’s the choice between paying the bills or not

what sector does your husband and you work in?

When happned to us I went back to work early from maternity leave fulltime and dh took over childcare. We couldnt have survived on benefits and kept the house.

Want any vinegar for that chip on your shoulder?

How likely is it he will get another job soon?

I have also been through this more than once with my husband so I know that breath holding feeling. Sending love

Haven't rtft sorry but have you applied for Maternity allowance? You can get that if not been a perm employee long enough. Go on the website right now to check.
Phone them tomorrow. They're very helpful even if they do take nearly an hour to answer the phone!

Op has made a claim for Universal credit. If she also claimed maternity allowance it would be deducted in full from any UC. As their Uc entitlement is likely to be much higher than any MA payments due to their high rent there is not really any point in claiming unless op can back date it. I'm not sure if this is possible.

No you still need to claim for MA. Ive had both. Yes it gets knocked off your UC but it does help and contributes towards NI. Just apply for it anyway. If you get refused you get refused they dont see it as fraud ie trying to claim twice because you declare UC on the claim form and they work everything out for you.

If i get a chance il log into my UC and check my statement re rent because they look at that separately.

And it can be backdated up to 3 months so it needs doing ASAP

That's not the obvious answer at all.

You may be eligible for council tax discount if you are both not working
Suggest ask your council

My DH list his job when I was SAHM. I got full-time job straight away and he looked after home/ kids and did of jobs for minimum wage for a couple of years whilst trying to find his dream job in quite niche area. It took 2 years and was WFH for first time so he continued with school drop offs and pick ups and shopping and cooking and we both worked full time time then. Kids have now all gone to Uni but DH still does all the shopping and cooking and I work quite long hours. I would suggest you both look if he would be happy to SAH if that is how it works out.

The woman has just had a baby for crying out loud. Let her recover from pregnancy and have some time with her baby before you start going on about "burden" she had 9 months of burden on her body to get the baby here.

'One is still a baby'. That could have been any age! Plenty of women go back to work with babies especially if the alternative is zero income for the household.

I admire your 1950s stance that the man should work and support the family singlehandedly but it's 2025 now. I went back to work when my ds1 was 4 months old, it happens and it's fine!