My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Yes you can. You can switch to formula and find childcare. Many of us have to.

What employment field is he in? Has he registered with recruitment agencies and employment agencies. Lots of companies only recruit through recruitment agencies. Employment agencies can get him temporary work.

I don’t know why people are implicitly saying OP’s husband should be the one who looks for work. They as a partnership need to do whatever it takes to bring in income and if that means OP gets a job first and he becomes a SAHP that’s what it should be. They have no savings.

It’s a v tough job market I’m applying for loads and getting nowhere. I’m also panicking …I’ll have to take shop work or something as I can’t get a role in my profession it’s a mess at the moment .

It broke my heart to leave my EBF baby at a childminders when she was 7months old. She couldn't even sit up by herself. But I only go 6 months maternity pay, and I took an extra month by paying from savings. I was the main breadwinner, and not a fantastically paid one either! However, we all survived. Not what I would have chosen, but needs must. And now she is 19, and truly none the worse for it. (I still remember it though!!!)

Why would she need to do this? Doesn’t make sense, so she works all day with the kids, only to go to work in the evening?! Surely he should be, even if it’s just short term, or 2 part time jobs until he can get something better. At this point, he literally needs to do anything

Cant he stay home with the kids and you go to work?

Have you been in touch with all the local employment agencies, including the ones that do temp work? And over a wider area?? A lot of the time companies use this to try people out and if you are good then they'll keep you on - this is for NMW and above.

She said the baby’s only a few months old and breastfeeding!

Labour increasing NI means employers are loath to hire staff.
Well done Labour for increasing unemployment.

It could be next year before he finds work. Their problem is to do with no income and no savings. But even if he gets a job next week it would be wise if OP finds a source of income to help build up a buffer.

What an absolute joke of a comment. She wouldn’t be low income would she if they’re both working? Otherwise if it’s just her working, he could look after the kids!
absolute joker

Yes a few months, not a few days.

The EBF as an excuse not to work, is frankly laughable when it's a choice between that and keeping a roof over the kids heads.

She's breastfeeding

Why is childcare cost the barrier atm? If you get a job your dh can do it. Are you on maternity leave or would you need to find a new job?

Is there anything either of you have as hobbies or just extensions of chores like ironing, that can be turned into self employment?
I used to make clothes & soft furnishings for myself & then for friends etc etc., between breastfeeding babies.

I think they would both have to be working to get this though?

My ( premature) baby was four months old when I had to go back to work because I lived in a country where there was no maternity pay at all until you went back to work and then they gave you a small lump sum. I worked opposite shifts to my dh and he brought the baby in to me on my supper break. Same with my dd went back when she was six months old and he drove her to my workplace for feeds. Sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to get by.

Plenty of work in the part of Surrey where I live and it is not even a city.
Where do you live? Is he applying for just any job?
Are you already applying for UC??

Right now, here, the council is applying for various caretaking jobs, cleaning jobs - usually men take those, because they are hard, caring jobs, men apply also, the local bus scheme pays very well, 30 to 35k, the manufacturing and warehouses, printing businesses, the railway is hiring, the POLICE !!!! - just go on indeed and your local fb group and start applying

me and husband both do shift part time work in Surrey and survive on limited income, plus not even close to UC and have savings and holidays. Try again

I'm really surprised people thinking breastfeeding is the reason to not work (and before you'll attack me- I did it with my both kids). SAHM is a luxury these days, especially if mother doesn't get Maternity pay. We all would like to stay next to our kids- breastfeeding, school drop offs, lovely afternoons, etc etc.
I would understand if baby would be a month old. It takes time to adjust bottle feeding, pumping. But in this case- baby will be weaned soon so she will naturally breastfeed less. Even formula- you can still breastfeed before/after work.

Could you both sign up with an agency? When my my children were 18months abd 3 1/2 my DH was made redundant but hadn’t been there very long so minimal payout. I remember well the stress and panic in fact I had to go to the Dr because I started getting panicky which triggered IBS etc
I took on cleaning jobs alongside the part time job I already had and my DH started at Boots in the lead up to Christmas late night shifts restocking the shelves. He then got offered a job there after Christmas and stayed there until he had set up on his own as handyman as he’s always been super practical. He’s gone from strength to strength since those initial dark days when he too thought he was letting us all down.

I also advise people: stop renting guys, for your own sakes. Go in a flat or maisonette if you can but do that ASAP!!! Otherwise you are at the hands of other people all your lives

What is wrong with that? I work weekends after spending most of the week with my three year old. If they have no money right now why not?

Where do they get the money to buy these flats and maisonettes?