So many. There was a lot of neglect growing up. I was a bed wetter and my sheets were NEVER washed. My legs were all burnt and scarred from lying on ammonia soaked sheets which used to be hung up to dry daily without being washed and then spread back on my bed at night time. The smell was absolutely horrific, I had to pull the top sheet tightly around my neck to try and stop the fumes from burning my eyes. After a while, urine doesn't dry properly so my sheets always had a damp cold feel and the sheets used to sting my burnt skin so badly when I lay down. I stank of piss all the time and was teased at school.
I used to have thrush for months on end. I couldn't tell my mother as she thought anything to do with genitals was not to be spoken about, she frequently told me that I was nasty because my underwear was caked with dried discharge because to try and get rid of the itching and discharge, I used to scrub with soap and a (smelly and slimy because it was never washed) flannel and obviously that made the whole thing worse. When I went to secondary school, we had a nurse come in and they explained what thrush was, i was so relieved to know it was common and normal but couldn't ask my mum for Canestan as she just didn't talk to us about personal health and hygiene.
When I started my period, she looked at me and said ' I hope you know what this means' she then gave me a pad and no explanations, except to say if i got blood on my underwear, to wash it out in cold water. I was never taught to shower or bath before bed so I used to wear 1 pad for 24 hours, as in I would put it on in the morning and then change it the following morning, it just didn't occur to me to change it as there wasn't a supply of them and she didn't buy me any EVER and I had to get one from her stash daily, if there weren't any, i used rolled up toilet paper. She obviously knew I had a period every month but didn't think it was important I had a supply of what I needed.
My Dad was just cruel, aggressive and spiteful. I could write a book on the way he treated me. There was a lot of horrible treatment when i was a child but when I was in my 30's i got cheated on by someone who i thought i was in love with. Undiagnosed neurodivergence meant that I had very little control of my emotions and I really spiralled because of it. He caught me crying and demanded to know why. Stupidly, I told him and he said that the reason why my boyfriend had cheated on me was because he saw me as 'used goods' because I had a child before I met him. He bullied me all throughout my childhood, not once have either of them said anything kind, caring, encouraging, supportive or even friendly, in fact I would go so far as to say that they went to great pains not to. He used to call me an idiot all the time for nothing, it might just be that I was laughing, or talking too loudly or asking a question.
I don't love either of them.