Things our toxic parents have done/said that is bats*it crazy

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I thought id start a thread away from stately homes where we can just list the things our toxic parents have done that other people would be horrified about but for us its a long list of things that were seen as "normal" to our parents.
I can laugh about alot of them now, obviously at the time not so funny. Just thought some light hearted dark humour of these things would help people not feel so alone and make us laugh a little in a rubbish situation I.e toxic parents.

As I previously mentioned on the stately homes board. I once brought my mum an orchid as a gift for her birthday. She moaned about it as thats not her 'usual' type of plant she likes.
Anyway she had it for a few months. In this time she kept commenting how it looked fake. One day there was no plant and I asked what had happened. They crazy woman how chopped it up as she was convinced it wasn't real. So she just chopped my gift up that wasn't a cheap purchase either. No remorse for destroying the gift I got her either.

I received a call to move into a womens refuge almost 10 years ago away from abusive ex. My mum said to me "its not that bad is it" I think i stood with my mouth wide up and said they don't just offer refuge places for anyone.

There's many more but I cant think right now. Would be good to hear some of yours?

@SonicBoomInTheRoom
That's lovely that your family have your back. It's quite validating when others see the truth and support you 100% because they are the people in your life that matter the most.
I think that the worst aspect of this is the people who can see that everything off or wrong but still feel compelled to 'believe' the perpetrator of abuse. My dad just used to say "well I didn't know did I" and I think others think the same way. Such is the power of the narc and the abuser over others - people seem to think that they will lose something by disbelieving the abuser in favour of the abused. It's an odd mindset.
I wish you well at the funeral and that it goes as well as it should or could do - big hug for you xx

My kids are simply lovely. They don't deserve this.

I thought I was the only one with a dad who was a psycho. I feel for all of you. I don't talk to him now.

'She's not a very nice person' might be the next phrase, until you're ready to explain how she treated you? I wish my mother had shielded me from my horrible grandmother tbh.

Mine dug her own grave by going to my childs school telling them he was being abused/neglected at home and she actually tried telling the school that my son is never in school because i am apparently an alcoholic who cant get up of a morning. Bear in mind they take roll call every day and he has an exemplary attendance record but she threw it in anyway. He got called out of class to talk to the guidance counceller and all that and was called to the office a few times about it because of her lies so he worked out himself she is the bitch fromhell. Imagine embarassing him like that... absolute witch when I think of her carry on. He was 13 at the time so it is not like he did not understand what was going on.

Mine stopped supporting me financially from around age 11/12 (around the time I started secondary)

I had to work just to earn the money to eat/buy books/uniform/sanpro/clothes-anything I needed

My darling grandad (who had brought me up) was in a nursing home at this point

I had to stop all my hobbies (like horse riding) as I couldn't afford to keep going (grandad had paid for me to go)

Of course nothing changed for my brothers and their expensive hobbies didnt stop

I remember her 'letting slip' to some woman she worked with that I would charge her £3 to babysit my brothers (which was often-i normally charged a fiver for neighbours)

This woman went mental,how dare I charge my parents?
How dare I be that greedy?
Did I not know how much they did for me?

My mother stood behind her smirking

She never once asked me,I was told i was babysitting that night (sid any plans id made-they where to be cancelled) and id have to give up better paid work just to do it for her

If I didnt earn,I didnt eat-i remember not getting paid for some work and I was staving

I made some plain pasta and had both parents screaming at me for stealing food-15p worth of pasta

She made a profit on the child benefit as it wasn't getting spent on me

The second i hit 18 and it stopped and I was thrown out and within the hour,my brother had my room

A period of homelessness and sofa surfing awaited-she was more bothered about me being seen by someone (I squatted for a while) but never once asked if I wanted her sofa until I got back on my feet

She did scream at me for being seen coming out of my squat,more than once and she was horrified-not that I was homeless,but that id been seen by her shit stirring friend

This woman didnt stop to think 'maybe she needs help',her first thought was 'id better tell her mother what I've just seen'

@Achewyhamster this is utterly cruel and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry 😢

Please tell me you made a success of your life and you never had anything to do with those awful people ever again ?

My dad back in in the seventies used to go on about Black people . One night after he had been in the pub he started . So I just said how come you were sunbathing in the garden this afternoon saying you wanted to go as dark as possible. You even put cooking oil on your skin . He didn’t know what to say so instead gave me a clump for trying to be clever .

My dad was racist about black people (and others too) but had actually once been very good friends with a black man. So one day when he started, I asked him about this man. He shouted at me that having been friends with this man proved he wasn't racist and black people really were XYZ.

I don't know, how do you argue with this level of nuts?

I was frog marched to the pharmacy in the middle of a busy supermarket at the age of 13 after I told my mother I had thrush. She was convinced I must have had sex and thrush was an STI. I had to stand there mortified whilst the pharmacist explained thrush is very common and can be caused for a variety of reasons. My mum was clearly and loudly annoyed with me and demanded I explain how I’d got it…I can still feel the heat in my cheeks from the embarrassment of being accused of something I hadn’t done at such a young , in the middle of a supermarket with shoppers eves dropping and sniggering. The pharmacist was sympathetic and understanding with me, my mum definitely wasn’t!

I'm 47 years old now

I've just celebrated my 10th anniversary with dp (yesterday!)

I have my family in the shape of dp and his family-im loved and supported for just being me

I work a job that won't make me millions but I love it (it pays the bills with a bit left over) and I went back to college and studied a subject that id always wanted to learn (and that was a big 'fuck you' to her as she stopped me going all those years ago)

I own my house (no mortgage) and live in a nice area (where id always wanted to live) and dp drives a nice car (I dont drive)

I'm a granny now and she's the light of my life-I wish id had her first!

I'm nc with the lot of them-the smear campaign has to be seen to be believed but I dont care-the people that love me matter and not them

So in a way,I haven't made that much of my life (by others standards) but I'm happy and well loved by the people that matter and I love them back

That's enough for me

My mum hit my 6 year old daughter a week after she’d lost her dad. She also scarred my 9 year old son by digging her nails into him while ‘hugging’ him on the day his dad died.
Best advice she gave me was to ‘lower my expectations’.
she also is friends with a convicted paedophile.

I could write a book with the list of vile comments/behaviours I’ve had from my family of origin.

The one that comes to mind for now was from my “mother”. My sister and I needed to get a taxi home together from somewhere when we were in our early 20s, my “mother” phoned me up and told me I had to make sure my sister was dropped off first and me last (even though that order made no sense because of the locations we were being dropped off at) because, to quote, “you’ll be alright being dropped off last because taxi drivers only rape pretty girls”.

That’s great to hear OP

My mouth has just dropped open

Hmm, so many from my parents but some recent classics from the last few years....

My dad to my (rather bewildered) DD aged 7 at the time - do you not wish you could have a different mummy, don't you wish you could have one of your friends mum.

My dad (after arriving 2 hours late to my wedding) in his speech (god knows why I let him do one, it was before I started counselling!) - I don't have any memories of 'hellotojason' since she was a baby - I was approximately 40 at this point.

Another wedding one, during my first dance as everyone else was with us on the floor, my mum came over and said I needed to move chairs and tables around, I reminded her it was my first dance and she stormed off.

My dear aunt was dying and my mum said she wished she was the one dying because then people would give her attention.

So many more but those are the ones that come to mind....

That I was a scrubber and had had sex with 3 men in the same night ( was nearly 20 and a virgin!) , when I went on holiday to visit a friend in Hong Kong she told my aunty I was only going to visit the brothels !! She has a very strange attitude to sex and didn’t think anything she said was ever wrong indeed I was wrong for suggesting she had said it ( even though I had just heard her )

Darling, we are here for you to vent. Hugs and more hugs

Oh apparently my son is a result of an illicit affair with a married man. He is not, I was in a relationship with the childs father and we split up however over the years she would say 'well he is married isnt he'? I mean yes he is now as we broke up 16 years ago but he flipping was not then.

On my male friend who is 100% only a friend and never a hint of anything more 'oh she loves knocking around with married men that one'. I wouldnt mind but he is in the entertainment industry (not adult I hasten to add) and we had spent extra time together as he was performing at HER wedding at HER request!

She falls out with everyone is another thing she says. Well no mother dear just you constantly cos you would cause an argument with yourself in an enclosed space but I didn 'fall out' with people from the past some people actually cut people off for valid reasons or evolve and move away from past friendships. She always has to make everything seem nasty unless it comes to herself of course.

Trigger warning

Mine asked what id done 'to lead him on' when I was assaulted

She took the side of the lad at school who shoved his hand up my skirt and pulled on my flaps-the teachers went mental but she told them I 'must have done something to upset him'

She laughed when she found out id been raped and contacted him to give her support as 'she's a born liar' and sat in the court room watching me give my evidence

I've been with dp for 10 years (over my dead body will she ever meet him) and is still telling people (who believe her!) that I've been shagging about behind his back (not true) from the day I met him

Thankfully dp just laughs it off

It does shape you as a person and I was very people pleasing too (not so much nowadays but took some work).

My father would get angry literally at the drop of a fork.
He'd send me to my room screaming that I did it on purpose cause I didn't want to eat. Everything I did wrong, even little accidents, were according to him done on purpose.
Once he accused me of stealing his wallet and spent much time threatening me with a hell of a beating if the wallet didnt materialize by the next day. I was so scared that I'd taken pills out of the medicine cabinet in preparation (my thinking was I'd rather take those than take the beating as I knew it would be bad). As it happens, he found his wallet behind some chair, apparently fallen out of his pocket. Didn't say a word no apology. Instead, offered to take me on a day trip to a different town (that he was going to anyway).

My dad threatened to smash my "f*ing face in" one day, with my 2 year old son sat between his legs. I called my partner to come and collect us and my mum said I was being dramatic.

My mum also threatened to smash my face in when I was pregnant on said son.

Years ago I'd been out in a club and someone had knocked an ashtray down my back. When I got home my mum told me I looked like I'd be rolling around in my back.

When I had PND and told my dad I didn't feel like I wanted to live anymore, my dad told me to get a grip and pull myself together.

When I left me abusive ex, my mum told me that it was my fault I'd been abused and obviously I was the problem.

When I was pregnant my mum would tell me I looked fat.

When I had Covid and lost a lot of weight. To the point I weighed just under 7 stone, my mum told me it was the best I'd looked in ages and I needed to keep the weight off. I was a bag of bones.

Me and my mum went into a clothes shop she loved once and I'd pointed out a few nice things, she told me that the shop was for big women and nothing would fit her but they'd be ok for me. I was 9 stone and a size 10.

My dad would frequently tell me to "f* off" and call me a "C U N T" if I made a valid point about absolutely anything.

My mum once looked me in my bedroom when I was about 6 for days on end, because I looked happy when I came back from a visit from my dads. They'd separated at the time.

I used to have to stay inside school at dinner and breaks because my dad was going around locals schools to see where I attended so he could kidnap me. He was in the local paper unnamed because people suspected he was a peadophile. This was taken to the Houses of Parliament as part of the Domestic Abuse bill.

While I'm at it.....
When I asked why I was in special care baby unit when I was born, my mum told me she couldn't remember because it was years ago, I was 7.

When I was due to get married, she asked me if I'd stick my head around the church door to see what colour my MIL was wearing and call her so she could make sure she could wear a different colour. Had to remind her I was the bride and I'd be arriving last.

My mum told me she was the next important person at my wedding after me. She'd been married 3 times, twice to my dad.

Parents wanted to remarry on my birthday.

Now we no longer speak, my parents have said I have been violent towards my mum and am violent towards my children. They've told people I've stolen money off them. My aunties have repeatedly told people I need to be beaten up.

When my nan died, one of my aunties said because my nan had mostly raised me, I should be in the funeral car as it was literally going to be like losing a parent and I'm an only child, my mum refused to let me in the hearse, despite me paying for it.

Repeatedly told me I'd have my son taken off me if I moved out of their house when my son was born when I was 20.

Constantly undermined my abuse because it wasn't as bad as being raped.