Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

That is odd OP. Are you giving your friend a lift home again, could you pop round on him and see if he’s ok? I think you’re right to be concerned.

My bedroom curtains are permanently closed

My bins are permanently in the out position

No spies on me !

Hope you’re ok OP, initially I did think he could possibly be have unfaithful however with the updates I’m rather concerned for his welfare. Can you swing by his on your way home? I don’t think you sound stalkerish at all you just sound concerned. If you don’t hear or see anything later on can you contact one of his friends to check he made it home/did he lose his phone etc?

Hope he is ok.

Hope it all works out for you.Very worrying.

Yes - but the OP isn’t suggesting that he is. If you’ve read most/all of the posts, the OP has been clear that they consider this person their partner, that it’s a long-term relationship and that they are generally quite easygoing about things. Obviously we only have their word for this but most people engage on these threads on the basis that there is some truth in what the OP says or it really limits the capacity for meaningful discussion.

The OP’s moderate level of concern balanced with not having any way bombarded her partner seems reasonable and proportionate given the situation as more time passes. If the unreachable partner was a woman, many people would be pretty concerned by now and while it’s not yet a police matter, out-of-character behaviour is and should be given attention. As more time passes, I can understand @Goldleafsand ‘s concern.

I think it's unfair people saying your boyfriend owes you nothing. That's not partner territory it's FWB. Even then they would owe owe you something surely? Basic respect say or friendliness. Owes you nothing is a very low bar.

"I am very laid back"

No, you're not.

Hope he is ok, I am someone that thinks worse case scenario so I would be worrying!

I hope he’s ok. U must be anxious

Op you aren’t stalkerish at all. Just a partner who is concerned her boyfriend is suddenly not contactable after a night out , one where he was planning to return back to his house and hasn’t. Are you giving your colleague a lift home? If do I would go and knock on his door.

Do you know his place of work. Can you call him there if he hasn’t turned up by tomorrow?

Goodness OP I’d be so worried at this point. I would have to assume he’s lost his phone and can’t get in touch. Do you have any mutual friends? The fact he didn’t come home last night is suddenly looking really worrying.

Heart yes. But how is her health at stake? 🫤

Hopefully just a lost phone, or he has been asleep all day!

I would send a text to say im really worried thatyou are ok? If no reply drive over. Hes your boyfriend so you its natural to be worried.

If he is not in contact because he has cheated on her then there is the risk of an STI.

OP, I hope he has just lost his phone, slept at a mate's and is now trying to find your number (or remember anyone's number to find your number, I know I'd really struggle to remember ANY number in my phone!) and contacts you soon.

I’d be worried too OP.

I hope you’ve heard from him by now and it’s all sorted x

Same here OP, have been really worried about you all day. Hope all is sorted and that you’re reassured.

Some people on this thread are just being bloody horrible, this poor lady is clearly concerned for her PARTNER, they are not in a casual situation, they are in a relationship. And people saying that she is behaving like a stalker, or that this man owes her no explanation etc as they don’t live together is extremely mean and uncalled for. She is quite clearly and rightfully worried about her other half. People can be in a monogamous committed relationship without having to live together, people are married and live separately - It just works for them and that’s fine! I don’t know why people think they can come on to an internet forum and pull people to shreds, is it because there is no way of being held to account for being unkind??
And yes, before anyone says I am aware of how the internet works, I’m also aware of having an opinion and free speech, I just do not agree with some of the minority on here being quite outwardly unkind for no reason whatsoever. I do hope you hear from him soon if you haven’t already, you must honestly be worried out of your mind! 💛
I’ve had a situation with a previous partner two years ago and it turned out my partner lied to me about where he was and had actually gone out on the town, but said he was at home in bed - The next day when I tried to contact him, I couldn’t get hold of him for nearly 12 hours, and he was due to be at mine for 3pm as we were going on holiday. When he eventually turned up at my house later that evening, he lied and said he had left his phone in a clothes shop in the town centre and had to retrace his steps, which I found very odd but I took at face value, as I had nothing to prove otherwise. 4 months later I discovered he had obviously been on a night out and he had actually been arrested in a club in the city centre for intimidating a witness, and I only discovered this as I found the bail sheet in his coat pocket as he asked me to wash his coat and hang it up for when we were back. So the whole early night at home in bed was a complete lie which there was no reason for as he was never restricted in anything he did we lived in complete different counties! Not saying this is the case with your partner at all OP, but there are some very strange people out there 💛

Can you see when he was last online? It sounds as though he's lost his phone and can't get in touch, unless he could email you from work?

Well I'm clearly not chilled.

He hasn't made contact as usual.
He hasn't responded to attempted contact.
His curtains were open and he clearly wasn't at his home. - and hadn't been.
His phone rang out.

At this point op I'd be relieved if he were having an affair.

At what point does one report someone missing?

Op, are you dropping friend home too? I’d give his house a knock

OP I'd be worried too. Hope he's OK. It's entirely reasonable, normal, and caring to be worried.

Hope he is ok and you find out - hopefully it’s nothing serious!

have you heard anything op? Hope all is well

I don't think you should contact his friend or do anything more tbh.

Just wait. Its hard I know.

Lets see what reason/excuse he comes up with first.

Keep busy. Put down your phone.

In my experience, you will find out what happened soon enough.
Don't lose your control or self respect by continuing to contact him.