Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

Op ignore the weird comments, some posters on here display very bizarre behaviour when people show normal worry and concern for their loved ones. I'm not really sure what they hope to achieve by contributing such things.

I'd be worried too and I don't think you sound crazy, hope you hear something soon

I was in a simliar circumstance with my now wonderful ex boyfriend and was genuinely concerned as totally out of character. I contacted one of his friends to be told he was fine etc. Came back to haunt me when we broke up as he used it as 'proof' I was a controlling stalker 🙄😂

I hope he is ok op.

Hope he turns up safe.

Not sure about the bit waiting to see if he says he was out all night. Feels like the poor chap needs to pass a test he doesn't know he was taking.

If it bothers you so much, ask him, but be prepared to be told 'we don't live together and I don't have to account to you for how, or where, I spend my time'.

Okay, I have been following this all day. I think you sound perfectly fine and noy unhinged at all 🙄I would be worried under these circumstances if this is totally out of character.

So, as others have suggested, he is either very hungover, has lost his phone, has had an issue/accident, is in hospital, or he got arrested 😬

If you are in work there is not much you can do until you finish I guess? Are you dropping your friend back home later? If you have no news later then go to his house and see if you can see if he is there or if there are any signs he has been there.

If the house looks the same as it did earlier and you still can't get hold of him then you will need to reach out to friends and family.

You are his partner and it won't come across as being stalkerish and to be honest, if it were me and I was worried, I wouldn't give two fucks if it did.

You need some answers and to put your mind at ease.

Well if the last message I’d received from a partner was that they were on their way home and the next was that one, they’d be an ex partner .

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have read all OP's posts. Hope all is well, and there's some simple explanation (e.g. phone out of charge or credit). Best wishes, OP.

@Omgblueskys I read a while ago somewhere that one of the first signs of cheating (or gambling, addiction, etc) in men is a change in behaviour in the relationship, so if they suddenly stop doing things they’d normally do (ie message good night every night) then it’s generally a sign something is not right.

I trust my gut feeling a lot more now and I also stopped being scared to look naggy or set expectations.

If you’re in an exclusive, monogamous relationship then you kinda do? Not tell them every minute but if asked there’s no reason to be cagey about it.

I can understand your worry. Hope you get news soon. Can you contact any of the friends that he was with last night? x

A change in behaviour is completely different from this situation though!

You need to go and check on him!
Do you have a key?

I think other posters thinking you suspect cheating can be inferred from the title of your thread and your OP. The tone is a bit different to the updates. Saying ‘Partner doesn’t know that I know he stayed out…’ suggests you think he deliberately stayed out and think he may lie so you’re not going to tell him you know. Add the part in your first post that says “I’m just going to watch and see how this plays out as he has no reason to lie to me” suggests some sort of mistrust. That’s where posters are getting the cheating from as the inference is there and the concern for welfare isn’t clear until later posts.

Not sure where the ‘unhinged’ and ‘stalker’ is coming from though….

Also agree with a poster saying you need to check on him.

Was he supposed to be at work today?

Don’t take it to personally. Some on here just like being negative to any poster about any subject. The supportive side of this site is being lost amongst it all. Hope he gets in touch soon.

Some women think he must be cheating if he even breathes different 🙄

WTF??

Exactly what I thought. First things first op.

They don't actually even have to do anything. Your "spidey senses" just have to start tingling.

@Goldleafsand I’d be really worried at this stage. You are not batshit or unhinged , you care. I’m very invested and I hope you’ll let us the know the updates. I hope he is ok, there is usually a sensible explanation for this type of thing

Have you still not heard from him? I think you’re right to be concerned. If he was cheating surely he would send a good morning text as normal?

I hope you’ve heard from him by now OP - you are right to be concerned . I hope he’s just lost his phone or something daft

Don't worry about Allthatshines, she's grumpy this afternoon. She's currently arguing grammar semantics on another thread and also telling people that if they aren't mothers and happy to talk to random peoples' children then they shouldn't be on Mumsnet...

I think you're right to be concerned as it seems out of character.

If he were hurt I think someone would have rung you by now. If he were cheating (which I know you haven’t suggested) he’d have text “good morning” as usual to cover his tracks.

I think it’s a missing or damaged phone/monster hangover .