Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

I'd put money on (as I have done the same!) him going home, pissed out of his face, either losing his phone in the taxi home or putting it on silent somewhere. Falling asleep/unconscious without closing his curtains or getting undressed. He's probably hanging out of his arse and looking everywhere for his phone.

I have done both - not on the same night, but have woken up to my curtains all being open and lost my phone.

I found my lost phone (having replaced it already) two days later when my Monday alarm clock went off and I heard the alarm going off down the back of the bed, where it had fallen! It was on Airplane mode so I couldn't call it and I didn't have "Find My" set up. Expensive mistake that one!

OP I'd be worried too. His behaviour sounds out of character - if he is just 'sleeping it off ' i'd bee peeved - as he is calling you stress and worry.

You don't sound clingy or unhinged to me.

Hope you get an answer soon OP, it's probably innocent in that he's lost his phone but I'd be worried too if it's completely out of character.

I’m sorry you’re getting some unhelpful comments here, OP. I hope you hear from him soon and everything’s all right.

Hi OP I’d be the same as you if it’s completely out of character. Hope you get an update soon 💐

OP you must be so worried! I hope your partner gets in touch soon 💛

Keep us updated, OP. I'm invested now. I agree that it's odd that he hasn't got in touch this late in the day. My money's still on a massive hang-over.

I'm sorry that this situation has made you feel off balance. It would me too. I hope he surfaces soon with a logical explanation as to what happened and it puts your mind at ease.

Hey
I hope you’re ok.
New boundaries in place.
Stay quiet until you see what he says. Go from there.

The thing that stands out is your immediate suspicion. If my partner hadn’t been home all night and didn’t message I would be worried about him if it was out of character. But you said that you were going to sit back and see if he was going to be honest with you. That suggests you don’t trust him and broadly that’s either because you have a suspicious mind, or that you have reason to be suspicious of your partner. I also noticed that you are not really responding according to your feelings. If I was worried about my partner I wouldn’t just send a good morning text and then call - I would call a few times and then message to say something along the lines of hope he’s ok and to drop me a text when he gets a chance as I am worried about him. I think you should be more honest with him instead of trying to play it cool and hide your feelings.

Maybe he was so drunk that he forgot to close the curtains and forgot put out the bins, maybe he was drunk and fell asleep on the sofa in the living room

That is a bit worrying. Hopefully you’ll hear from him soon

Following as I’m now invested having rtft.

Definitely contact one of his friends or work. He may be in a ditch somewhere.

Hmm, people say that you have to so independent as to not care that he didn't text you in the morning as usual. I don't agree with that. Do you have contact with any of this friends or family so you gently ask about him? But I guess some people would find it too much, unless you're sure that they would notify you if something happened to him.

I get accused of being a cool wife frequently on here but at this point I'd be really worried about DH.
Hopefully it's something simple like he lost his phone

Op is it possible to finish work a little early and pop around to his, hopefully hes flat out asleep, ,
Please take no notice of the silly/ nasty comments, kindness cost nothing people should scroll past, but of course they carnt,

Your right to worry, you know him best,

I don’t think you’re being unhinged. I would hope any partner of mine would always check my safety if I didn’t follow my usual routine. If you have any contact details for friends etc it’s not unreasonable to send a message - it doesn’t need to be alarmist but hopefully in any normal relationship you would be grateful for someone looking out for you especially if you know he hasn’t been home and hasn’t made contact in the usual way.

I have a feeling a very plausible reason will be given for why he’s gone off radar but unless he can explain where he stayed last night I would admit to feeling f a little suspicious.

Hope all ok

Maybe he’s lost his phone? Tbh if my ex did this i would automatically think he was with another woman but that’s because hes a cheating pig. However if your partner has no previous i wouldn’t assume the worst.

Any news?

I hope all is ok and I'd be concerned too. If he was cheating, which I doubt, I imagine he would have messaged as normal to avoid suspicion. Hopefully he's ok and you'll see him soon.

I'd be the same if it was out of character.

I'd be tempted to call or text after work and just say simply that you're concerned that you haven't heard from him today as usual. Tell him you'll drop by after work if you don't hear from him.

Totally agree , that if cheating , he’d have been as ‘normal’ as possible