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Original poster

Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

516 replies

Goldleafsand · 30/09/2025 09:46

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

OP posts:
middleagebumpyroad · 30/09/2025 21:24

I hope he contacted you and that you are ok.
There was no problem in how you reacted, you were calm and mindful. You didn’t deserve the shit you got on this post from some posters!

Helplessandheartbroke · 30/09/2025 21:28

I would want to know if my partner of a year stayed out more so I wasn't worrying but this does seem a bit dodgy

Zonder · 30/09/2025 21:29

I would be worried if I were you. I hope you've heard from him now.

Ydkiml · 30/09/2025 21:30

Have you heard from him ? Hope all is ok .

abracadabra1980 · 30/09/2025 21:31

BumpyWinds · 30/09/2025 14:08

I'd put money on (as I have done the same!) him going home, pissed out of his face, either losing his phone in the taxi home or putting it on silent somewhere. Falling asleep/unconscious without closing his curtains or getting undressed. He's probably hanging out of his arse and looking everywhere for his phone.

I have done both - not on the same night, but have woken up to my curtains all being open and lost my phone.

I found my lost phone (having replaced it already) two days later when my Monday alarm clock went off and I heard the alarm going off down the back of the bed, where it had fallen! It was on Airplane mode so I couldn't call it and I didn't have "Find My" set up. Expensive mistake that one!

This. I really hope for your sake, OP, it’s this. I’ve been that person, too.

SummerSolstice25 · 30/09/2025 21:40

Your reaction and concern is totally valid and in no way ‘stalkerish’. I hope you’ve heard from him by now and that all is ok.

PuddyMuddles82 · 30/09/2025 21:40

Hope everything is okay. I would have acted exactly as you have xx

GloryFades · 30/09/2025 21:43

Goldleafsand · 30/09/2025 13:48

Just to clarify to all those saying unhinged, stalker or crazy
I have msg my partner once today, this morning, as usual normal txt.
I haven't contacted him anymore than that until 20 minutes ago when I tried calling to just check he is ok.... it rang out. I've left it.
No other txts sent by me. No other calls made by me .
Sooner or later , any communication to your partner will be seen as unhinged 😂

I admit I am worried about his welfare as this is out of character.
I think all of my posts need to be read before such harsh judgements are made

If it helps, I think you’re under reacting.

If anyone in my life noticed I wasn’t where I said I would be, and I was not answering calls or texts in a way that was out of character for me, that person has full permission to go full blown, call the police, contact my friends. I’d rather have people looking out for my welfare rather than trying to play it cool with our relationship!

SurvivalInstinctsOfABakedPotato · 30/09/2025 21:47

Any updates at all? Hope everything was OK?

IkeaJesusChrist · 30/09/2025 21:49

I hope he has been in contact.

Horsie · 30/09/2025 21:55

I think OP must have found him, or she'd be on here saying she still didn't know where he was.

I don't expect she wants to come back and update after all the nastiness on this thread, calling her all sorts just because she's concerned about her boyfriend.

GarlicPound · 30/09/2025 22:01

Don't let these idiots get to you, @Goldleafsand. They used to stick to AIBU for putting the boot in without reason, but now they're all over the place 😠 You haven't done anything wrong and there's nothing wrong with you!

I'm sorry you're so worried. Can I ask, does he always tell you how he's getting home of a night? If not, there might be some 'reason' he wanted you to think he was done for the night.

Either way, it wouldn't be out of order to check in with one of his mates by this time. I don't want to hope anything's happened to him, obviously, but on the other hand it would almost be reassuring to learn he'd gone on drinking and ended up in a skip or something Confused I suppose he might have lost his phone?

Arabiannights01 · 30/09/2025 22:02

@Horsie i completely agree. Come on ladies for goodness sake! We are supposed to be there for one another and supportive! I am so disappointed to read some of these posts. Although, some people are just miserable and have no idea how to bring people up! Hope you’re ok OP. This has happened to me over the years and I was not as cool and calm as you have been! Take care 💕

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · 30/09/2025 22:04

Arabiannights01 · 30/09/2025 22:02

@Horsie i completely agree. Come on ladies for goodness sake! We are supposed to be there for one another and supportive! I am so disappointed to read some of these posts. Although, some people are just miserable and have no idea how to bring people up! Hope you’re ok OP. This has happened to me over the years and I was not as cool and calm as you have been! Take care 💕

I wholeheartedly agree. A lot of posts descend into piling on to the OP, when all they've done is ask for help. Really not big or clever.

UnlimitedBacon · 30/09/2025 22:04

Goodness me why are so many posters on here twisting themselves in knots to gaslight the op into thinking she’s somehow in teaching for being concerned about her partner?? I’d be worried too!

Cherryicecreamx · 30/09/2025 22:16

Has he got in contact with you with a sort of an explanation? I wonder if he pretended he was at home sleeping it off the whole time or will say he was at a mates?
Drunk of not, I might forget to put the bins out, but not close my curtains!

Blueskies77 · 30/09/2025 22:18

Really hope everything is ok OP and you’ve heard from him by now. I’d have felt and acted similarly, just ignore the people saying horrible things.

Summerluvin1 · 30/09/2025 22:20

OP have u heard from him? Is he okay?

Clementine183 · 30/09/2025 22:22

Agree, I'd be very concerned too. As for the insinuations that it's none of your business what your partner does if you don't live together, that's clearly ridiculous (and of course you can call them your partner if you live separately, if that's your dynamic). OP I hope you've heard from him by now - if not I'd definitely be asking around if you have mutual friends, and if there's still no word by the morning I'd be driving around to his and knocking on the door. He's not some random bloke, you're in a relationship with him and perfectly entitled to be worried.

Milosc · 30/09/2025 22:25

I would be worried too if this is out of character for him. That is being a considerate partner to worry about him, not being a stalker at all. Ignore those being twats telling you that you have no right to be worried. Living together doesn't give you the right to dictate their every move either. But considerate partners let each other know what is going on in their lives. That is called good communication and a good relationship.

HennieGirl · 30/09/2025 22:31

Invested now, I hope OP comes back and updates!

Shinyandnew1 · 30/09/2025 22:32

Hope he's been in touch in the last 8 hours!

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 30/09/2025 22:32

You’re perfectly reasonable to be concerned.
Look how many complete strangers on this thread are concerned you’re both ok.

Fudgeytastic · 30/09/2025 22:35

Hope everything is ok OP?

HowlongdoIwait · 30/09/2025 22:36

I've been with my boyfriend a similar amount of time and would be worried too in this scenario for all the same reasons. Hope he's now been in touch

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