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Original poster

Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

516 replies

Goldleafsand · 30/09/2025 09:46

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

OP posts:
Bertielong3 · 30/09/2025 19:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Kirstk · 30/09/2025 19:18

Northernandproud89 · 30/09/2025 16:05

Heart yes. But how is her health at stake? 🫤

Show quote history

Std...

Kirstk · 30/09/2025 19:23

Calliopespa · 30/09/2025 19:12

Honestly, why all this banging on about herpes?

We don't even know he's been cheating let alone if he's got herpes.

If something has happened to him, this is just totally inappropriate.

Show quote history

This was a reply to someone saying STDs arent bad and treatable...

Kirstk · 30/09/2025 19:23

Any news?

Horsie · 30/09/2025 19:26

Calliopespa · 30/09/2025 19:12

Honestly, why all this banging on about herpes?

We don't even know he's been cheating let alone if he's got herpes.

If something has happened to him, this is just totally inappropriate.

Show quote history

If you actually read the chain I was replying to, you would have comprehended the context of the conversation and seen that it's not inappropriate at all.

Some people were saying that OP had no right to be concerned that her bf might be cheating, and I said that she had every right, because they were in a relationship and her heart and health was at stake. Someone said why her health? And I said because of STDs, of course. Then someone said that STDs are talked about too much on here because they're totally treatable and basically made out that they are not a concern. Which is completely wrong, and I educated her, for her own sake and for anyone reading who also thinks that STDs are not a big deal.

Can you please read the sodding conversation before snottily denouncing the last reply in a chain as "inappropriate"? The entire conversation is right there for you to read. It's one hundred percent appropriate to educate a poster who makes out that STDs aren't a big deal.

And EVERYONE knows that people who are in a relationship, like OP, have every right to not want their partner to cheat, and that if someone in a relationship does cheat, they are potentially putting their partner's health at risk. Any reasonable person would agree with both these things. Except here on Mumsnet, of course. 🙄

AuntyVibes · 30/09/2025 19:28

I think this is a good reason to have a next of kin contact in your phone for him, a close family member of his, to call or text to say you are worried. Also useful if something were to happen when with them. I hope his is fine OP. Can imagine it hasn’t been easy worrying about him.

Horsie · 30/09/2025 19:29

Kirstk · 30/09/2025 19:23

This was a reply to someone saying STDs arent bad and treatable...

Show quote history

THANK YOU! Someone with a brain cell, at last!

Dontitalwaysseemtogo · 30/09/2025 19:31

Any update? I would be worried too by now as sounds very unusual and out of character. Let’s hope he’s stayed out and has no battery?

dollyblue01 · 30/09/2025 19:32

Any update ? Hope everything’s ok

Calliopespa · 30/09/2025 19:36

Horsie · 30/09/2025 19:26

If you actually read the chain I was replying to, you would have comprehended the context of the conversation and seen that it's not inappropriate at all.

Some people were saying that OP had no right to be concerned that her bf might be cheating, and I said that she had every right, because they were in a relationship and her heart and health was at stake. Someone said why her health? And I said because of STDs, of course. Then someone said that STDs are talked about too much on here because they're totally treatable and basically made out that they are not a concern. Which is completely wrong, and I educated her, for her own sake and for anyone reading who also thinks that STDs are not a big deal.

Can you please read the sodding conversation before snottily denouncing the last reply in a chain as "inappropriate"? The entire conversation is right there for you to read. It's one hundred percent appropriate to educate a poster who makes out that STDs aren't a big deal.

And EVERYONE knows that people who are in a relationship, like OP, have every right to not want their partner to cheat, and that if someone in a relationship does cheat, they are potentially putting their partner's health at risk. Any reasonable person would agree with both these things. Except here on Mumsnet, of course. 🙄

Edited
Show quote history

I did read the thread, but if I'm honest I've got a concern he hasn't been up to anything involving stds. But I hope I'm wrong.

I'm almost feeling that until OP returns it's maybe a bit off to be conjecturing at all and I'm going to stop posting till she returns.

Jaimieh · 30/09/2025 19:37

Goldleafsand · 30/09/2025 13:48

Just to clarify to all those saying unhinged, stalker or crazy
I have msg my partner once today, this morning, as usual normal txt.
I haven't contacted him anymore than that until 20 minutes ago when I tried calling to just check he is ok.... it rang out. I've left it.
No other txts sent by me. No other calls made by me .
Sooner or later , any communication to your partner will be seen as unhinged 😂

I admit I am worried about his welfare as this is out of character.
I think all of my posts need to be read before such harsh judgements are made

Have you had any update? Is he ok? Are you Ok?

Happyjoe · 30/09/2025 19:38

Am hoping no news is good news and they're busy catching up over a dinner.. and the hangover not too bad!

ShiftingSand · 30/09/2025 19:40

I don’t think you’re unhinged or unreasonable in your response at all. I hope you’re both okay.

Flopsy145 · 30/09/2025 19:44

I think you're being remarkably restrained tbh 😂 I would have after the no call pick up, rung a couple more and probably would have just texted a friend of his saying "hey can't seem to get hold of X do you know if he's ok," my primary concern would be is he ok, once that had been determined my next concern would be why he didn't go back to his house. Don't ignore your gut for fear of coming across unhinged, you're his partner you have every right to want to know if he's ok and whether there's anything you need to know

TootSweeties · 30/09/2025 19:53

Hope he’s okay OP. I would be concerned for his welfare too!

Blessthismess2 · 30/09/2025 19:57

Hope you found your partner and there was an innocent explanation OP. This thread was full of the usual unpleasantness-
of course you are normal to be concerned about your boyfriends whereabouts!

Hyperfix8d · 30/09/2025 19:58

I would be concerned, usually I’d start bombarding with the “are you still alive?” Messages and if I hadn’t heard anything by tea time I’d be messaging a friend of his he was out with to check if they knew where he is.

it’s not about being stalkerish it’s concern and if at worst they have been cheating I’d rather be told that than spend another two days worrying about someone.

Catwoman8 · 30/09/2025 20:02

Northernandproud89 · 30/09/2025 17:48

This gets thrown about way too much on here 🙄 Even so, STDs are easily treatable and not life threatening

Show quote history

Because it is a serious matter, not all are treatable as you say.... Someone has already mentioned HIV . There is also Herpes simplex which can cause lifelong complications.

CC222 · 30/09/2025 20:06

Did you speak to him yet?

SomeOtherUser · 30/09/2025 20:10

I'm surprised at how many people think it is unhinged to be worried when you've not heard from your established boyfriend all day, even ignoring the house drive-by. Radio silence for a whole morning would have been completely unheard of in my husband's and my early relationship (and still would be), and I would definitely have been concerned.

spicetails · 30/09/2025 20:12

I hope you’ve managed to make contact by now, OP.

Boxfuls · 30/09/2025 20:13

SomeOtherUser · 30/09/2025 20:10

I'm surprised at how many people think it is unhinged to be worried when you've not heard from your established boyfriend all day, even ignoring the house drive-by. Radio silence for a whole morning would have been completely unheard of in my husband's and my early relationship (and still would be), and I would definitely have been concerned.

I'd be worried too, but OP didn't out any concern in her first post, only games designed to trap him if he wasnt being honest.

chaosmaker · 30/09/2025 20:13

@Goldleafsand Did you get hold of each other? Hope everything is ok :)

Beach11 · 30/09/2025 20:13

Hope all is ok op. 🤞

TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 30/09/2025 20:17

Any news? Is he okay?

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