I’m a sahm with a high earning dh too, except that he very much appreciates what I’m bringing to the table. Maybe a little too much, because I’d have liked to get back into the workplace, and even tried twice to upskill but he hasn’t been supportive.
We have a great lifestyle, and good balance. I do everything at home, and weekends are for family and fun. For me to go back to work, or college, means that my current tasks get pushed into the evenings and weekends which impacts his quality of life.
It’s been an incredible privilege to stay home with my dc, and I’m grateful. He’s also conscious of the privilege that comes from being a facilitated man and acknowledges the wealth that came from it.
But I also feel like an adjunct to his life and not a full person anymore. I couldn’t have made the sacrifices I made without his respect and appreciation. But I’ve also become trapped and sometimes I fantasise about leaving this picture perfect life, because I think I might be better off divorced. In a smaller house, with shared custody I could probably finish my masters, maybe even get a phd, ease back into work as the dc head off to college, and not be tied in to dh’s timetables of retirement plans. (except that I have absolutely no justification at all)
I fully understand why you want to be at home with your dc, and I don’t think the suggestion that you give up on what you value and go out to work is fair, just because your dh is sneering at you. I doubt he’ll turn into a wonderfully supportive and respectful partner just because you bring home a pay cheque. And if he’s not going to pick up any slack, paying for a housekeeper and nanny is going to cost more than you’ll earn, that will probably be his new point of resentment because you still won’t actually be contributing.
What people miss in these situations when they’re sympathising with the poor man carrying all the financial responsibility is that these men do nothing except work (for respect, power, wealth, reward and satisfaction), and play. They get all the benefits of family with none of the hassle. It’s nothing close to the cocklodger equivalent.
Do you want to stay with him? Leave aside the lifestyle his wealth facilitates for a moment. What, besides money, is he bringing to your life? And what would your life look like without him? If this attitude of his is new, there may already be another woman. Even without that, resentment erodes the foundations of a relationship so it’s sensible to give serious thought to the alternatives.
Another thing to consider is your long term security. Don’t assume that his pension will benefit you - I’m not sure how it stands in your jurisdiction, but where I am, pensions fall outside the statutory laws of inheritance and they can in some circumstances bypass the spouse on the death of the pension holder. Every year you stay out of the workplace affects your ability to return, your potential earnings, and your pension. That’s a lot to sacrifice without some sort of security and long term planning.