Does your husband belittle you for not working?

[pienum]

I was I nurse and worked upuntil i had children.
My husband worked his way up through the years and makes milions a year so there is no need for me to work.
He also does crazy hours which means i run the house, kids, finances and all the other bits. In that respect i do feel like a single mum with an unlimited bank account.

The thing is he belittles me that I dont work. He has lost respect for me and it is really hurtful. He doesnt see my worth or what i do.

i thought it was most mens dream to earn enough so their wife can stay at home and look after the house and kids. Hes not proud at all. This really hurts me as I gave no idea how I would go back to work and do pick ups/drop offs and the kids to clubs and deal with the admin of everything i do without feeling completely and utterly shattered, exhusted for no real benifit. Is this a wrong way to think?
I elivate all the little things for him in life so when he comes home he can eat and chill.

If i worked, i would be stressed and i dont see how this will benefit us at all.
We dont need the money so its not about that.
I cant go back an be a nurse as so much has changed in 10 years, I would gave to retrain a little, nor do i want to go back to that. So i dont know what else to do.

i do feel sad and I feel he just hates me and had fallen out of love with me. He must just see me as a nobody. I look after myself, look good and i am an amazing mother. I am a good wife, take care of my husband, always let him relax when he gets home. I never get him to lift a finger and always deal with 99% of life admin so he can just concentrate on work. He is very ASD so he cant really focus on anything else and thats fine. Hes a good provider.

Can you share what your thoughts are?

I would start retraining and tell him that he starts to do a lot more. Absolutely insist on it. He can’t have it both ways.

what about your dreams?

ask him if he wants to swap?

Retrain! get a full time housekeeper/nanny willing to drive your dc plus I presume you already have cleaner, gardener etc. I have been in your situation (minus the large bank account) and they will leave you once your services are no longer required. Once you have retrained then I strongly advise to consider your options, he should want to lift a finger however much he earns

If my husband was making millions a year and working long hours for it I also wouldn’t work. I’d be doing what you are OP and taking care of as much as I could so he didn’t have to and could enjoy his family when he’s home.
My husband would also be in agreement that this is what would work best for our family though

You have a full time cleaner & a nanny? What exactly do you do & how big is your house that your cleaner is working 6 hours a day? Good grief! Also how does your husband earn millions when he’s been out of work for 8 months. Your post literally makes no sense.

i thought it was most mens dream to earn enough so their wife can stay at home and look after the house and kids.

i feel this is a very old fashioned, trad thought and I absolutely disagree. My husband who earns significantly more than me would totally disagree with you!

Are you a troll?

you’re giving off this stinking entitled attitude and it’s not right. Everyone probably in this thread works has children and is stressed it’s life. You just seem to think your husband should carry you along your entire life which is probably where his mood comes from. I’d want to get a job for me, socialisation money of my own to put into the bigger pot. You wouldn’t loose anything but time at home if you worked you’d be gaining.

His attitude is disgusting. Have you sat and had a conversation with him about this? Youve made a sacrifice and have made his life a lot easier. He should be extremely thankful and respectful of you.

Do you want to leave him?

Come on, the contradictions in your story are ridiculous. I’m not sure what to make of the husband who works all the hours God sends and couldn’t possibly do drop offs and pick ups, but who has also been at home for eight hours. And then there’s you, single-handedly running the household and keeping it afloat while your husband is earning his millions (from the sofa…) - apart from the cleaner who works thirty hours a week 😂

And you used to be a nurse but now you’d quite like to own ‘a few businesses’.

All mums are working mums💪
Start being a mediocre wife/mum, just so he knows how much you actually do for him and your shared children.

Pay yourself a salary, put in savings 😄 On yr birthday/Christmas give yourself a bonus!!

This is 100% a troll post isn’t it, OP keeps changing the story so because she wasnt getting the reactions she wanted they’ve made up that now the husband is home and they have a cleaner but that just means she’s got more time at getting a job now but still can’t be bothered cause she’s entitled 😂

Surely your life would change in a massive way if you split. You would have to get a job for starters. No more popping to the gym whenever you wanted.

You are not a single parent. You are married to a very wealthy man and have lots of money, you have no idea what it’s like to live hand to mouth and make all decisions alone.

Apart from that, stop being a doormat and take control of your life. If he’s that mean, leave him. You can retrain and be a single parent. Or use the millions to get a nanny and go to work. If I can go out to work 7-7 with 4 kids (and a single parent) then anyone can. You have options.

This in spades. The talk of a “little job” or “something simple” and “oh but I like going to the gym”. Does your husband have these choices? This freedom?

A very large % of what you do can be outsourced. Then what would happen?

honestly, I think you’ve both lost the balance and I’d say you need to find a way to minimize the resentment asap. No idea how old your kids are but by the time the youngest is 10 you will find it harder to justify not working IMVHO.

Dont hide behind the housework op. Have more pride than that.

I know someone who was in your position. Married to a partner in a hedge fund. The wife used to be a lawyer but had become SAHM when they had kids. Once both kids were in school, the breadwinner wanted wife to work, but wife didn’t want to and cited the children’s various after-school and holiday activities as the reason she couldn’t possibly get a job. This obviously became a major issue in what must have been (at least for the one paying for the lifestyle) an unhappy relationship. Since the hedge fund partner then had an affair with my wife, and both marriages ended.

It’s not about whether or not you, as a family, need the money. It’s about shared values and expectations - which you and your DH don’t seem to share. Or not any more.

I would get a job if I were you, not least because you’d have to anyway if you get divorced. Doesn’t have to be in the NHS doing night shifts all the time. Either DH gets more involved in the childcare part of your life or you outsource it to after school clubs like everyone else or a nanny (as you’re rich).

Are you a troll?

My thoughts too. This is not real, no way Jose.

Thought so too. The story keeps changing.

I think you should return to work so you have your own money, especially as your children are at school. This means your DH should do less hours and have a more family friendly work pattern. Both share the household chores.

There are actually loads of women who live like this and hold the view that it’s “impossible” for them to work. What they mean is - as the OP has actually said - that they could work but they don’t want to because they’re enjoying a comfortable lifestyle funded without them HAVING to work. When I was younger, I would have thought that sounded great too. Now I’m middle aged, I’ve seen too many marriages fail 15+ years in once the kids are in school and the husband (it’s usually the husband but not always) lose respect for this person he’s expected to fund.

I think it boils down to if you want to work then work, you can afford to pay someone to take care of the childcare and household things you will no longer be able to do. If you don’t want to work then you’ll have to put up with apathy from your husband who clearly doesn’t want a stay at home wife. Or you could leave him.

Sorry, I didn’t answer your question but I can’t because I do work. My mum didn’t though, same reasons as you, and my dad always resented her for it, eroded her confidence completely and eventually left her for someone with a career.

Your life certainly would change if you get divorced, unless your husband is Jeff Bezos and there are so many hundreds of millions sloshing around that you could walk away with half of it and still maintain the exact same lifestyle.

I’ve just read the update about him having been unemployed for 8 months. Perhaps he’s worried about being able to find another job which pays at the level required to maintain your lifestyle. Given his earnings I imagine he might work in the City. It can be very difficult to get back into work if you lose your job in that field. I’ve got a friend in his late 40s who’s been out of work for 3 years now. They used to be the richest couple I knew; after 3 years (several kids all in private school) they can barely pay the rent (big house had to be sold a while ago).

I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee if you want to stay married. Or work out if 50% of your joint assets would be sufficient to fund the life you want without you having to work, for the rest of your life.

This is my dream. I love being at home with my babies. I'll think again when they're older, but I've never felt an affinity for a career so far.