Husband put me on trial

[lisa299]

We live with the in-laws and going to move out soon with my husband and we had a random conversation and there he said ‘when we move out I’m gonna buy cheap furniture in the beginning in case we don’t work out’. Meaning his gonna see how we’re gonna get along together without a 3rd person around and test if we will last and then his gonna invest. We’ve been together for 3 years and had ups and downs and sometimes our downs were due to 3rd person’s but again it was mainly his attitude towards me that fuelled my energy and now due to our past his put me on a trial and his been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know how I feel anymore. Like how do I react to this, I feel unsafe etc all these negative feelings. Then he comes and tries to say don’t worry we’re good now, I love you etc but I somehow feel broken and he doesn’t understand this. I can’t interpret my feelings. Please helpppppp

Run

Well this sounds like a delightful basis for a marriage. Why on earth would you subject yourself to meeting some invisible test? Why does he get to hold all the cards?

How do you feel about your relationship? What are your options - do you work? What will be the ownership of the house when you move out to your own place?

I wouldn’t accept being trapped in this never-ending trial with no independence to leave if I felt unhappy.

Surely you also have control of what furniture you shall have and how much you spend on it? If you're married everything is basically half yours anyway, whether it be furniture or money in the bank.

How long did you know each other before getting married? Do you earn money of your own? You need to, so he doesn’t have more power than you. But it doesn’t sound great, it looks like he wants to be in control. What if you decide he’s not good enough for you? What if he fails your “trial” period?

You’re married?

* and sometimes our downs were due to 3rd person’s but again it was mainly his attitude towards me that fuelled my energy and now due to our past his put me on a trial and his been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know how I feel anymore.*

nicely worded to skirt around fact you cheated on him. At least once.

It's clearly referring to a family member or whomever they live with.
Not her cheating.

I don’t work, the problem is not the furniture but the word trial

Lol what part exactly did you assume it was cheating, I was referring to family members getting involved.

I don’t work, the problem is not the furniture but the word trial, the house is gonna be from the council so it’ll have both our names and if it doesn’t work out I’ll probably get my own place so I can be closer to my own family. I’m in a state where me and him are getting along all well and then he says something strange like this and I don’t know how to respond. The things I would’ve usually done eg being kind a easy going feels like a burden or fake right now, the kisses etc these now all feel fake to me so I don’t wanna give it or receive it but if I put it this way his gonna see it as a sign that I don’t want to work on this relationship.

problem is not the furniture but the word trial, the house is gonna be from the council so it’ll have both our names and if it doesn’t work out I’ll probably get my own place so I can be closer to my own family. I’m in a state where me and him are getting along all well and then he says something strange like this and I don’t know how to respond. The things I would’ve usually done eg being kind a easy going feels like a burden or fake right now, the kisses etc these now all feel fake to me so I don’t wanna give it or receive it but if I put it this way his gonna see it as a sign that I don’t want to work on this relationship.

I don’t work, the problem is not the furniture but the word trial, the house is gonna be from the council so it’ll have both our names and if it doesn’t work out I’ll probably get my own place so I can be closer to my own family. I’m in a state where me and him are getting along all well and then he says something strange like this and I don’t know how to respond. The things I would’ve usually done eg being kind a easy going feels like a burden or fake right now, the kisses etc these now all feel fake to me so I don’t wanna give it or receive it but if I put it this way his gonna see it as a sign that I don’t want to work on this relationship.

You don’t work?

well no wonder he wants to buy cheap furniture

any children?

Does he work?

As always the first person has nailed it . . .

Be realistic

the op lives with her in-laws
The op doesn’t work

Both of which can be easily remedied.

ok

So then advice should be

get a job
save up
move out

He works, and I don’t care if he buys cheap furniture, thats my secondary problem but the main one is trust

And what's YOUR problem exactly? Good grief......

Maybe he was making a barbed comment to make you look for work so you could contribute towards the costs

Good grief

not a happy relationship
if I was in his shoes, I might feel a touched reserved about prospect of moving in with someone who I’m not in a happy relationship with but who is 100% financially dependent on me 🤷‍♀️

Why not suggest that in case it doesn't work out, it would be better if the tenancy were solely in your name, as that way he could go back to his parents and you wouldn't have to move out if he decides a trial is unsuccessful?

That might focus his mind somewhat.

The trial thing is one issue, the other is that you’re financially dependent on him. Any reason you aren’t working?