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Original poster

Husband put me on trial

136 replies

lisa299 · 20/09/2025 14:39

We live with the in-laws and going to move out soon with my husband and we had a random conversation and there he said ‘when we move out I’m gonna buy cheap furniture in the beginning in case we don’t work out’. Meaning his gonna see how we’re gonna get along together without a 3rd person around and test if we will last and then his gonna invest. We’ve been together for 3 years and had ups and downs and sometimes our downs were due to 3rd person’s but again it was mainly his attitude towards me that fuelled my energy and now due to our past his put me on a trial and his been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know how I feel anymore. Like how do I react to this, I feel unsafe etc all these negative feelings. Then he comes and tries to say don’t worry we’re good now, I love you etc but I somehow feel broken and he doesn’t understand this. I can’t interpret my feelings. Please helpppppp

OP posts:
Toesy · 20/09/2025 15:40

Get a job.
Do not get pregnant with this loser.

Star458 · 20/09/2025 15:40

Why did he get married before he was sure it was going to work? He sounds like an asshole tbh. But you're not helping yourself by not working, that just leaves you dependent on him.

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 15:42

Silvercoconut · 20/09/2025 15:04

And what's YOUR problem exactly? Good grief......

Show quote history

Huh….what are you on about, they were valid questions 🤷‍♀️

pikkumyy77 · 20/09/2025 15:45

lisa299 · 20/09/2025 14:55

I don’t work, the problem is not the furniture but the word trial, the house is gonna be from the council so it’ll have both our names and if it doesn’t work out I’ll probably get my own place so I can be closer to my own family. I’m in a state where me and him are getting along all well and then he says something strange like this and I don’t know how to respond. The things I would’ve usually done eg being kind a easy going feels like a burden or fake right now, the kisses etc these now all feel fake to me so I don’t wanna give it or receive it but if I put it this way his gonna see it as a sign that I don’t want to work on this relationship.

Show quote history

Don’t be in a relationship that takes so much work? I’ve been with my dh for 35 years, married 30, and never for one minute has it been hard work. And I could’nt bear my in laws. My dh knows I’m the best thing that ever happened to him and I feel the same way. Don’t hang around on probation.

Original poster
lisa299 · 20/09/2025 15:46

Theres so many comments girls thank you so much, I just needed clarity. I did apply for jobs but just can’t land any I ain’t got a career… But gonna work it out somehow need to gain my power back!

OP posts:
FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 15:47

Yes, focus on that. You need to work and be independent financially before anything else. Then you can rethink the relationship if needed. Right now you are stuck anyway.

Original poster
lisa299 · 20/09/2025 15:49

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 15:47

Yes, focus on that. You need to work and be independent financially before anything else. Then you can rethink the relationship if needed. Right now you are stuck anyway.

Exactly, just told him that I ain’t accepting this, and ain’t gonna mend something that I didn’t break and if he has a problem with it then he needs to check it with himself. Told him that’s fine by me, this marriage is on probation therefore don’t expect anything from me coz I ain’t from you.

OP posts:
EuclidianGeometryFan · 20/09/2025 15:49

OK so he has put you 'on trial'.
You need to also put him 'on trial' - in your mind, don't tell him.

You move into the rented place, he buys cheap furniture, you get a job.
(If you have children, put them in nursery, and DON'T get pregnant again).

Then see how he shapes up over the next 3 to 5 years.
Caring? Faithful? Does his share of housework?

See if he passes your test.

If not, you will likely get to keep the rented house and go onto Universal Credit and he will have to move out.

Original poster
lisa299 · 20/09/2025 15:50

EuclidianGeometryFan · 20/09/2025 15:49

OK so he has put you 'on trial'.
You need to also put him 'on trial' - in your mind, don't tell him.

You move into the rented place, he buys cheap furniture, you get a job.
(If you have children, put them in nursery, and DON'T get pregnant again).

Then see how he shapes up over the next 3 to 5 years.
Caring? Faithful? Does his share of housework?

See if he passes your test.

If not, you will likely get to keep the rented house and go onto Universal Credit and he will have to move out.

Lovely, thats exactly what I’m gonna do! Honestly the support is amazing!

OP posts:
NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 15:57

lisa299 · 20/09/2025 15:49

Exactly, just told him that I ain’t accepting this, and ain’t gonna mend something that I didn’t break and if he has a problem with it then he needs to check it with himself. Told him that’s fine by me, this marriage is on probation therefore don’t expect anything from me coz I ain’t from you.

Show quote history

Told him that’s fine by me, this marriage is on probation therefore don’t expect anything from me coz I ain’t from you.

Why are you with this person, do you even love him?

SpidersAreShitheads · 20/09/2025 15:57

You haven't specified exactly but it sounds as if there are cultural issues at play here?

It's not uncommon for couples to have a "trial period" when they try living together for a while before making a big commitment eg/buying a house or marrying.

So I don't really see his description of a trial period to be that awful, tbh. He's probably been a bit tactless to blurt it out though.

The issue you have here is that you've married without knowing if you are compatible.

Also, I know you say you've tried but you definitely need to focus on getting yourself a job. Right now he has all the financial control in the relationship, deciding what can be spent.

I don't think it means that the relationship is "fake" or that he doesn't love you now, but living on your own together with all the stresses that marriage can bring can show up incompatibilities that you might not have noticed before.

But he is on trial just as much as you. If you decide you don't like him, you can call time on the marriage. This isn't about you being on trial - it's about seeing whether this marriage is something you BOTH want for the future.

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 15:59

SpidersAreShitheads · 20/09/2025 15:57

You haven't specified exactly but it sounds as if there are cultural issues at play here?

It's not uncommon for couples to have a "trial period" when they try living together for a while before making a big commitment eg/buying a house or marrying.

So I don't really see his description of a trial period to be that awful, tbh. He's probably been a bit tactless to blurt it out though.

The issue you have here is that you've married without knowing if you are compatible.

Also, I know you say you've tried but you definitely need to focus on getting yourself a job. Right now he has all the financial control in the relationship, deciding what can be spent.

I don't think it means that the relationship is "fake" or that he doesn't love you now, but living on your own together with all the stresses that marriage can bring can show up incompatibilities that you might not have noticed before.

But he is on trial just as much as you. If you decide you don't like him, you can call time on the marriage. This isn't about you being on trial - it's about seeing whether this marriage is something you BOTH want for the future.

So I don't really see his description of a trial period to be that awful, tbh. He's probably been a bit tactless to blurt it out though.

What are you talking, a trial period takes place before marriage not afterwards, that’s what an engagement period is for !🤷‍♀️

PinkyFlamingo · 20/09/2025 16:07

Fruitlips · 20/09/2025 14:50

* and sometimes our downs were due to 3rd person’s but again it was mainly his attitude towards me that fuelled my energy and now due to our past his put me on a trial and his been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know how I feel anymore.*

nicely worded to skirt around fact you cheated on him. At least once.

Edited

Don't be so ridiculous she's clearly referring to her in laws!!

decenteringmen · 20/09/2025 16:08

D I V O R C E

decenteringmen · 20/09/2025 16:10

edited for accidental double post.

FatLarrysBanned · 20/09/2025 16:11

Are you relying on this man to keep a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your belly?

If you are, I don't think you're in a great position to be saying you'll be putting him on trial to see if he comes up as husband of the year when you move to your own place.

One of you is in a very weak position and it isn't him.

Catsknowbest · 20/09/2025 16:13

So you're going to enter into a joint social housing tenancy on the basis that he will basically call the shots and if he has a wobble/trust issue/bad day/gets bored you are history? With all due respect what on earth are you thinking? Your post is full of red flags.

DramaQueenlady · 20/09/2025 16:15

Dont move in with him. Sounds like you're very unsettled and no longer sure of him. If you're able to work perhaps do so and get some money behind you. But guessing your heart is no longer in this marriage.

UnderstoodBetsy · 20/09/2025 16:17

You’ve mentioned several times that you don’t work. Why on earth not? Get a job, ditch your husband, move out, and stand on your own two feet.

Househassles · 20/09/2025 16:18

Is there some reason the two of you got married while he still had so many questions about whether the relationship would work out? Or did something happen AFTER you two married that suddenly made it seem like things wouldn't last? This might be relevant context if you want to understand his comment and his attitude, because it's the kind of thing someone might say early on in a relationship but it's very weird after marriage unless there's been. separation or serious break in trust. If "marriage" was so important that it had to happen before or you were both sure things would work out, then his easy attitude toward not working out and breaking up doesn't make sense.

Rhaidimiddim · 20/09/2025 16:20

lisa299 · 20/09/2025 14:53

I don’t work, the problem is not the furniture but the word trial

Edited

The problem is that you don't work.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 20/09/2025 16:30

jannier · 20/09/2025 14:42

Run

Agree.

You'll forever be on trial for something.

Very controlling.

Henbags · 20/09/2025 16:32

Ugh. Please get a job!

abracadabra1980 · 20/09/2025 16:35

If someone told me I was on 'trial', I'd be sending them off to 'trial' living alone. Never settle for someone with such low emotional intelligence. It is vital to your own sanity as you navigate family, babies and life.

Silvertulips · 20/09/2025 16:38

My response would be ‘great idea no point wasting a lot on money of good furniture’

Works both ways.

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