AIBU brink of divorce - husband won't help but my ex husband out of property

[Isamummy2021]

Hi everyone sorry it's long I'm going through hell. please advise I am on the brink of divorce over this. So as you will be aware house prices are through the roof . I have lived in the ex husband and mines home with our children until they have grown to uni age we are amicable and in fact ex husband has offered to sell to us at less than market value. House prices where I live are sky high as I'm sure they are everywhere. My now husband has lived here for 6 years. Now the time has come to buy ex out he won't help says he wants a new build. I get the need for a new start but our own daughter who is 4 has just started school 5 minutes from the house.She loves her little school class of 15 I do not want to move her home and school! He doesn't get change really affects kids especially our daughter she's really sensitive and highly strung!

The new builds are at least 40 minutes drive each way. I work full time too which is going to make mornings more hell I do all drop offs pick ups etc. don't particularly like new builds either. Here were near my mum who long term poorly, lovely neighbours and daughters best friend live on the same row. I'm really happy here as is our daughter.The house can be altered updated etc over time.

Problem is husband has bought himself an expensive car also at the time house needs to be bought this he did not need a new car just wanted it. affordability is now not great for him which is why he wants a new build I think shared ownership. He has even gone as far as saying we should rent but prices for a similar rental are 1400 upwards and they are pretty crap to be honest. He says he hates this house and he's not buying it. Even for our daughter sake I said even if we buy and stay until something comes along that we both like i mean we have been looking for months there's very little out there in our budget and certainly nothing better than current home it's an older home with amazing views in the hills 3 double bedrooms and large kitchen utility near village.

The new builds are in the middle of nowhere 20 ish miles from where we are, the area I live is old world we don't have any new builds here. In my opinion he hates the house because it needs to be bought no other reason I've paid for mortgage not him!
Also I have a lot of equity if I sell. He's not the man I thought everything is about him it's causing a lot of stress I can't afford to buy it alone im trying but on my income it's tricky with outgoings not much hope. I know people might think oh just move but I don't want to move miles away to suit him and waste every penny I have, it's all about him not our daughters needs and finances if we bought this together we would be better off than renting and less than market value means more equity. I truly feel like he's used me I really do he's quite happy going off to his mums for weeks on end since house went up for sale not helping me just doing what he wants. This man child is 53 he reminds me of a teenager. Were going to end up homeless if we split I can't afford rents and mortgage alone with my child and late teen son who still lives with me. My ex husband has been kinder. What's everyone's thoughts please? Thanks if you read this far

I think you need to speak to a solicitor. It sounds like at the moment your current H can’t touch your house you own with your ex.

but I’d be concerned that if you split after it’s sold then in theory he could go after the cash from the equity sitting in your bank account.
you say he wouldn’t because of his pensions but he could drain it through dragging things out and making you pay a lot of solicitors fees.

id cut your loses with him now. Get him out, figure out your affordability for the house and then see where you stand with the buy out of your ex.

Get a proper solicitors advice before you consider any options ,as what you think you know for definite you might not actually be right.
He could of been sly and done something with his pensions etc. He also seems to think short term and may not care about pensions.
He may also struggle to get a mortgage as he is 53 and a lot of them are 25 years.
Have you expressed to him how selfish his actions were regarding the car.
Definitely seek legal advice before any other steps

@Isamummy2021 what exactly did your current husband bring to the table at the beginning of the relationship apart from sex?? he was quite happy to live rent free in your house prior to your ex wanting to sell now. I, quite frankly, think you should not have expected your ex to house your current "d" h at all ever. current husband is very selfish and shortsighted. shared ownership is notwhat you think it is. bet he loved the prestige of saying where he lived to everyone though?

Agreed!

"... my kids in his words are not his responsibility! They are students 2 are moving to uni now but help and work PT but little income"

You have lots of reasons to be upset with your current partner - but not supporting your adult children shouldn't really be one of them

I didn’t get that at all from OPs post.

He has never treated them like a step parent should when they were in school etc that's what I'm referring to here never treated us as a family unit. He also doesn't care that all these changes affect young children.

Thank you can I ask why you say don't do shared ownership? I have to admit I do have some concerns over it. Thanks

How long have you been married for?

@Isamummy2021 surely, if your current husband was to help you buy your ex husband out of the house, this would cause more problems?? especially if you are divorcing your current husband, or is one of them only a partner? the relationships seem a bit off here, can you verify?

I would take legal advice about leaving your current husband, if you think this is likely OP. As others have said he may have a claim against your equity, so I wouldn’t be doing anything to maximise that at the moment. I know you say he has pensions but if he’s already lost half of them he may not have as much as you have in equity.
in the meantime appeal to your ex to keep things on hold while you sort out the current husband issues.

He says he hates this house and he's not buying it.

I can't afford rents and mortgage alone with my child

Those are the two key facts here. He doesn't want to buy this house and you can't afford it without him.

I would split up with him as he sounds like a dickhead and see what you can afford alone. If that's renting a 2-bed flat, you'll have to do that.

Ive not read the whole thread but from what I have read it seems like your current husband needs dumped. You can do better. Worry about the house etc later. Get your fair share in the divorce.

You ex that owns half the house will prob let you stay there a bit longer as your circa have changed with dumping that lazy fucker.

Sorry but your husband sounds like an arsehole.
It’s crazy to me that posters are actually siding with him.

Shared ownership can be a great scheme if you need it, but the pair of you don’t as you have a home. Also new builds can be really rubbish.
Leave him. He makes massive financial decisions by purchasing tiny willy cars, wants to take you away from your village/family support and you can’t even trust him alone with your DD.
You’ll be poor but I think you’ll be happier losing the dead weight he’s become

2 years next week I regret it a lot I always thought marriage was like rising waves ups and downs but it's not even that he's just all for himself and it's taken time to see it everything went more downhill after marriage.

Divorce him and he'll have a stake in your house whether he's contributed or not

Get legal advice

Then get legal advoce. That's very short marriage, you will stay there with the child etc. You have most likely been quite lucky here. Start the process asap

Re equity the court order has been in place for 3 years the court were aware of my new husband me and my ex have owned since 2001 I'll fight him to the death he shouldn't be entitled to it or entitled to a standard 50% I've only been married to him 2 years and can absolutely prove I've paid everything he's a bloody lodger really on paper I'm struggling because I've been paying everything nursery fees stopped so I applied to buy out ex alone just waiting on broker

@Isamummy2021 get rid of current husband first! dont think he will have rights to home which is half owned by previous husband! then consider your next steps regarding your own accomodation. chase your current husband for cms!!

OP says her current husband has lived there for 6 years. The courts count any cohabitation immediately prior to marriage as part of the marriage. In divorce, this would therefore be treated as a 6-year marriage.

If there had been little or no cohabitation prior to marriage, the courts would generally try to put both parties back in the position they were before marrying. However, given that this is going to be treated as a 6-year marriage, the starting point is a 50/50 split of all assets. That doesn't mean that is where it will end up, but it is certainly not possible to say with confidence that OP will get all the equity in the house.

Definitely divorce. Your H is not supporting you or your child and he’s only interested in himself.

Any man that spaffs £Ks on a ruddy sports car and then happily talks about renting when he has a wife and chid to support is clearly a total dickhead.

Can you borrow off your mum to afford the house? You can rent out a spare room to a female lodger if you need extra money.

I’d never buy a cheap new build as they’re very poor value for money as the materials used are often low quality and don’t last very long.

I didn't say she will get all the equity though. She still may have been lucky here. 6 years is still not that long. It's not really that short, but not that long eiether. Op "owns" only half. The husband also didn't suffer any detriment like career etc. While he may get something it would not be much. Assuming op and child are staying there (since he has very little interest in the child). Little of half is still better than half of half. He also has assets so little of half may actually balance to little of his assets.
Just o add. Again, op should absolutely get legal advice and very soon

Because it is a con.

Just google and you will see all the nightmare stories.

Just one here:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyz8m8jj4mo

They are married. She owns part of a house that they live in. That has a cash value which is considered a martial asset should they divorce. There is no getting around this.

The only person getting abused and taken advantage of is the ex husband. The OP needs to give him his share as agreed or put the house on the market. He is the one at the shit end of this self induced dramatics.

The OP needs to fulfill her divorce obligations. Which are intrinsically tied into the relationships between her, their children and her ex.

Where the feck is all his money then when he earns 20% more than you, but has contributed 0 in the 6 years he's lived with you?!

PLEASE get rid of him @Isamummy2021
You are right, he is a user and just wants his hands on your (and ex H) equity.
Get legal advice ASAP.
You are paying for, and doing everything by yourself already anyway so he won't be missed I'm sure.
Once he's out of your life, could your mum consider loaning you the shortfall to buy your ex H out?
He sounds like a really reasonable bloke anyway so I'm sure you can come to some sort of financial agreement with him, if you're not able to come up with the whole amount immediately.
Whatever you do, don't sell the house, it sounds perfect for all of you as it is.

Good luck OP 💐