Mounjaro affecting friendship

[MounjaroBore]

Name changed for this and i'm posting it in relationships because there is no aibu and weight loss injections isn't the appropriate outlet because people are there seeking support.

I have a friend who has recently gone on mounjaro. A few months ago. She wasn't that overweight, and only had about a stone and a half to lose.

I'm happy for her that it's doing what she wants, but I am finding it's affecting our friendship. Whenever we go out, she's decided she wants to go for dinner despite being unable to eat more than a few mouthfuls. She eats barely a few mouthfuls of her dinner and then asked the restaurant to box it up.

All she talks about is mounjaro, and how much weight she's lost. She shares about buying needles off the internet for the golden dose and the extra dose, and tells me about the new community community, she's found on reddit, to help her do this. She said she's beginning to feel like a drug addict.

Whilst doing this, she encourages me to finish everything on my plate and order more food. I am a bit overweight, too, and I was actually more overweight than she was. I suggested perhaps I should get it and she was like, no, you don't need to lose weight.You look great order something else... encouraging me to order more food.

She keeps asking me if she looks as if she's lost weight. Every time I see her. She tells me how many people haven't commented on her weight loss and she wishes, they would.

She tells me this every time I see her and I reply with the same thing every time I see her which is it is generally a faux pas to comment on someone's weight. Perhaps people haven't noticed or if they have, they don't want to comment because it's impolite to mention somebody's weight.

Sorry. What's going on here? We've been friends for years suddenly I need to eat more food when I was more overweight than her to start with and all she talks about is her weight loss. She seems to ask me to go out for dinner with her to demonstrate me how little she eats.

She had her dinner boxed up, and she made such a thing of it that she'll barely be able to eat the other half for lunch tomorrow.

I don't want to back away from the friendship, but the last few times I ve met with her.I end up eating alone with her commenting.How little she eats and how I don't need injections.On how I should eat more.

The last time we did something that didn't involve eating.We went to the cinema. But then when she got home, she texted me to ask what I was having for dinner, and I told her, and she said she was eating nothing. She just has to get it in how little she has eaten or how she's eaten nothing.

Any idea how to handle it tactfully. Or just ignore.

Sounds to me like whilst it's stopping her physical hunger, appetite and ability to eat larger portions, it's doing absolutely nothing to fill the emotional void or replace the comforting rituals of thinking about, planning, buying, preparing, cooking, ordering or tasting food, enjoying the experience of eating with a friend or experiencing the mood boosting chemicals produced by the body after eating - so she's got a giant hole where she used to have contentment.

I've not read every message in this feed (no pun intended!) but I just wanted to share my experience.

About 15 years ago, a very close friend of mine (let's call her Louise), lost a total of 6 stone over a period of about 20 months. Every week we went out as a group of anything between the two of us or 8 of us, depending which friends were around/available. Every week she would give me a personal update on her weight loss/gain and on weeks where she'd gain weight, she'd always tell me it was my fault she'd gained weight because whenever we'd last been out I'd ordered X for myself and so she had wanted it too and that broke her diet etc. Quite honestly, I used to find this more amusing than anything and I'm very thick-skinned so that in itself didn't bother me and in fact became a running joke with the rest of the group.

Whenever she would tell me week-on-week about each loss or gain, I would say exactly the same thing - "oh right". I would not comment either positively nor negatively and when she would complain about not being able to have something she wanted to eat or drink and ask me for my opinion, I would reply "only you can decide what is best for you".

Louise's job means she visits 12 different workplaces in a week and hence sees a lot of different people. She really loved it when people would notice her weight loss and comment by telling her she'd "done really well", "looks fabulous" etc etc. She would however complain when this didn't happen often enough and began to expect/desire compliments every time she saw people. Our friendship group got rather sick of her constant fishing for weight-loss praise, boasting about herself and gradually didn't want to join the weekly girl's meeting when she did because of it.

I could tell a number of stories to make my point but essentially the weight loss turned a rather selfish person but generally lovely person into a totally self-obsessed, arrogant, thoughtless, narcissist. The group had a chat sans-Louise and we decided that the best thing was for us all to just put a little distance between us and her and see if she noticed that her friends who all loved and supported her at 6 stone overweight, no longer wanted be in her company with what she had become and her size/appearance had no bearing on this!

Fast forward to 6 months after reaching her target weight. As is almost always the case, the weight began to creep back on and within 12 months of reaching her target weight, she had regained 2 stone. This was 4 stone by the 18 month point and although she's lost a little and gained a little over the many years in between, now she is 8 stone heavier than she was at her target weight. All of those who praised the weight loss have, as one may expect, made plenty of comments on her weight gain. This has caused her more misery than just about anything else in the time I've known her. I generally consider it intrusive to comment on anybody's weight loss or gain, not least as I don't believe that somebody's weight is something to judge them on. That said with the more weight she regained, the more the negatives were lost and eventually the Louise we all knew and loved reappeared.

At the point where she was back to her starting weight, one evening she was bemoaning to me how awful it was that all her efforts to lose weight had essentially been for nothing. It gave me an opportunity to address how she had been while losing weight and point out that friends had not wanted to be in her company. She admitted that she hadn't even noticed.

Essentially she was lucky that as a group we decided to give her the chance to be herself again. I do believe that had we not have put that space between us it would not have happened and there'd have been a big falling out not just between she and I but the whole group and her.

My advice would be to discuss with your friend if you feel you can but if not, putting some space between you may just do both of you a lot of good.

I hope you can resolve it and find the best outcome for yourself. It certainly sounds like you've been very tolerant.

You know what's going on really dont you OP? She doesn't want you to have it as she likes being 'the skinny one' she is being a pain. Tell her, or move on.

She needs therapy

I have a tea shop in the lakes, and the amount of women that come in, with family, also alone and make a big fuss about ‘just water and I couldn’t possibly eat anything’ ‘do you have smaller portions’ blah blah blah and then I get chapter and verse about the whole thing….unreal.
I’ve lost 5 stone on the stuff. I’ve not told anyone. I’m on my ‘journey’ and it’s private.

It seems we have a culture of over sharing.

All sounds like an unhealthy obsession for her, and a lot of other women too. Because it’s usually bought privately there isn’t the support network you would get from your GP.
I’d be stepping away from her, she sounds as boring as hell.

She might be talking about insulin needles to get the extra out.

Unfortunately over the years many people have latched onto various weight loss schemes, slimming world/cereal diet/ fasting etc and I’ve seen friends get obsessed with it and try to impart their knowledge about these fads.
Id just roll your eyes and distance yourself, it sounds like hard work and let her figure it all out herself. Competition amongst friends is toxic, especially regarding weight. I couldn’t be arsed with the constant discussions about food.

So odd. I mean if I went to a tea room I’d just ask for a latte and I wouldn’t mention the MJ!

She sounds tedious. I lost 3 stone on it and went from a size 16 to an 8 and the only people who have ever commented are my mum, husband and a close friend who started on it at the same time as me. They are also the only people who know I’ve used it. I’m quite fine with that as I did this for me not for attention. Also if she’s gone up the doses too fast and has too much suppression she’ll struggle when she comes off it. Then maybe it’ll be your turn to be tedious 😉.

Sounds like she has an eating disorder. I had a friend who started behaving like this, long before Mountjaro existed. She had developed bulimia. She would press me to ear as much as possible when we had lunch together, including dessert, then disappear to the loos and (I later discovered) throw hers up. Like your friend, she kept saying I didn’t need to lose weight even though I was considerably heavier than her. She was relentlessly asking me what I was eating trying to get me to eat more and also making comments about my appearance. I asked her repeatedly to stop doing this. I stopped going for meals with her. I started avoiding her. And eventually, because I would always feel terrible after spending time with her, I ended the friendship.

You need to get this out in the open with her and tell her it has to stop. But since it sounds like she has an eating disorder, it is very likely she won’t be able to stop. You need to protect yourself, and stop eating with her and ban her from asking you what you’re eating or telling you what she’s eating. But honestly, she probably just needs help.

My Guess is that it is neither of these. She might want to have the vicarious pleasure of seeing someone eat food that she has forbidden for herself. This behaviour is a feature of certain eating disorders.

Eating disorders are mental health issues

This.

it is so easy to develop an eating disorder in this culture and the weight loss medication is just going to be another resource for those who suffer.

It sounds like your friend has really struggled with her weight and has achieved an objective. Even though she wasn't massively overweight, it appears her self-esteem was affected. You're a close friend and she trusts you and she's being unfiltered about all of this. She's basking in her weight loss. I did a similar thing (though lost the weight naturally). I felt on cloud 9 getting into my skinny clothes. Being thin is actually dull if you like your food and are a little bit greedy like I am. You also realise that you're still you, albeit thinner and the deeper issues that you have have not gone away. Talking about weight loss and maintenance is dull. She will bore herself soon. Perhaps say to her that you are delighted about her weight loss, she looks great and you support her wholeheartedly but can you both open the conversation up to wider issues? She's a valued friend and you need her input on issues. When people focus on one issue, like weight or their kids, it's boring. And with regard to your own weight, you'll get to it as and when you feel it is right. And if that never happens, then so be it.

She sounds like a bit of a frenemy really. She doesn't want you to lose weight as well because then she won't be the thin one, and she bases all her self worth on the scales which is sad. There's so much more to who she is than her weight and she's missing that. If you think you could get anywhere then you could try an honest conversation or just phase out meeting up with her.

It’s curious we all have such different views, I’d say she’s just thrilled she’s losing weight and something works, it is easy to get caught up in it when you’ve been desperately unhappy with your weight for a long time, and nearly everyone on mounjaro for weight loss is in that boat, hence why so many online forums on it, it’s a huge thing in peoples lives. And she probably doesn’t want the op to feel bad about eating, so saying yes have x, why you not finishing, as she knows she’s not on the drug and probably does want to eat it, plus doesn’t want to say yeah mate you are so fat you should get on thr drugs.

it’s the ops decision on what to do about her weight, stay as is, lose, gain, whatever, her friend is not the decision maker.

honestly I suspect it’s that simple, and not some nefarious Machiavellian intent that some folks are suggesting, like she wants the op to be fat. Simply it’s a huge thing for her snd she’s trying to make thr op feel comfortable snd going about it wrong.

I agree with you about it not being Machiavellian. I suppose those of us who have had and have been around eating disorders recognise the behaviours and patterns. It feels as though op might want it to be a more Machiavellian intent because of her own issues around body image and weight loss.

I am starting to believe that disordered eating of some kind is the default for women - maybe for most people. If you look around the shops they are full of foods we don’t need because our complex bodies require quite simple food intake yet many of us are hooked on upf and the consequences make us seek weight loss strategies which lead to restriction and bingeing. I am curious to see if the new miracle medication is going to be the long term solution we think it is. It is however going to make millions for big pharmaceutical companies just as upf makes millions for the food companies.

UPF are what has got some people into the obese catagory. Pharmaceutical companies invest millions into research and yes make millions in return, but they research loads of drugs costing millions and most will never make it to market. They also employ millions of people. So you could see them as evil, but those people on life saving medication may not. Also, I did read that the UPF companies are trying to research into glp-1 inhibitors to put in food because fat people not wanting to eat is hitting their profits. As far as glp-1 meds, if they stop people being insulin dependent, lower people’s blood pressure, reduce the risk of heart disease, strokes and some cancers, and most people on them are paying for them themselves- then surely this helps the NHS.

I'm on Mounjaro but haven't told anyone irl except my husband.

There's a few ways of looking at it. First off I would say she doesn't sound like great company. Was she before?

Second I would worry that she has an eating disorder - my own experience is that because you know you're not going to be able to eat a full meal, you kind of focus on what are the healthiest foods that you can put in your body that day. Feeling weak such that you can't exercise is in no way the goal and if she had someone monitoring her she'd be advised that that's not healthy or desirable and would probably come down a dose.

Thirdly I sort of understand the thinking about it all the time. She's letting those thoughts out, though, which is something that happens a lot with neurodiverse people. I know it is classic MN to shout neurodiversity but honestly there's a few things that make me think she just has not got the measure of the situation at all.

A few things: you do buy needles online to get the 'golden dose' because you need to extract it from the pen and you can't do that with just the needle tips you get with the pen. It's not unsafe to do it, it's done because the drug is very expensive and you can see it sitting there in the pen so of course you don't just throw a £30/£40/£50 dose in the bin.

Taking a few bites of a meal and feeling full is definitely 'normal for Mounjaro', so I don't understand why she's even bothering to go to a restaurant. I only go towards the end of a week, when the dose is beginning to wear off.

I sense that nobody wants to know this but you absolutely do have to exercise and eat well on a WLI to be healthy, it's not actually the easy way out at all. But I won't change minds with that so whatever.

she Has an eating disorder! She needs to seek help and you need to be careful n set boundaries. Not out of of spite but for future of your relationship. If she gets help it will get better. Eating disorders can b very toxic when at their peak. But if she gets pro help asap and you create healthy boundaries you’ll b fine x

Op, when I was in my 20’s I lost a lot of weight and really got my food joy from other people eating so I became a bit of a feeder. I didn’t pass comment but I did internally feel good for not eating whatever I had made or bought for whoever it was. I look back and cringe at how unhappy I was and focussed on food, exercise, calories and weight etc. I actually ended up in hospital eventually due to illness caused by restricting food so much and over exercising

I don’t know if your friend has always had weight issues but it sounds relatable and like weight loss has become her whole personality. If she is a good friend and you want to take a low key approach; just take the lead with plans & organise things that don’t involve food. If she asks you about your own food, just say you aren’t sure what you’re having to end the conversation. She will get there eventually. If you want to be more direct, have the conversation with her about your concern and let her know you’re available if she wants to talk. Prepare yourself for her to potentially withdraw though until the time she may or may not see sense.

In terms of yourself, try not to take it personally as she probably does genuinely believe you look great as you are. She may even not want you to end up on the path she has ended up on with being obsessed etc. It’s hard to explain but severe weight and body issues like that don’t make you think overweight people are hideous, I used to wonder why my bigger friends looked so great & looked terrible so I really doubt she is judging you, though I completely appreciate why it makes you uncomfortable.

I am starting to believe that disordered eating of some kind is the default for women - maybe for most people.

I agree with you here, I think many women are very messed up about weight, and I do wonder if an onlooker, a male or female with no weight issues and no skin in the weight game, would have taken the same from the conversations as the op did, how much her own feelings about her own weight, impacted how she perceives it or how much she goes on.

and I think it’s also evident from the comments, people thinking it is machiavialian, rather than just a women who is excited to be losing weight for the first time after struggling, and trying to be kind to her friend, saying no no, eat what you want, and no you’re not fat. But people see it as she wants to keep you fat and gloat.

im on the drugs, I’ve lost a lot of weight, however I’m an unusual case as I’ve never felt jealousy over another woman, and I never ever compared myself, so when/if I talk about the drugs, I am not gloating, I want people to know how great they are for anyone interested but also I’m not going to lie and pretend suddenly I could do it myself. And if someone says to me their fat or should stop eating, leave their food, there is no circumstance I will agree with them. Nor will I say something cold like your choice. And I think in real life most of us do this.

a fat friend wears a new dress, do I look fat in this, very few say yeah yeah you do. A fat friend says Christ i weigh 15 stone, we don’t say yes and you look it, we say oh I’d never have guessed that, you carry it well. Out to dinner, someone overweight says oh I shouldn’t have pudding, what do you think, no one says yeah give it a miss tubby.

We all pick the answer that we feel is kindest in that moment. It doesn’t mean we want the person to remain fat so we can be the slim one. Given a choice if wave a magic wand and make all my friends happy with their weights, in a heart beat.i don’t know anyone who thinks I want to be the slim one and hope to keep my mates fat.

If you are bigger than she was ( like you said) I’d get the munjaro but not tell her. She seems to want you to be bigger than her so I’d play the game.

I have a massive secret - I’m on Mounjaro - and now you and every other strange in here knows. That’s how private I’ve kept it and I’m only revealing myself to say -

You can still feel hunger and you should still eat regular healthy meals. Not eating enough or the wrong things and losing weight is just muscle loss.

I focus on protein, veggies and getting enough nutrients and drinking enough water.

Your friend sounds awful. If you feel you would benefit from Mounjaro - go for it. I’ve lost a stone and I’m very happy with it.

I just went to 5mg .

How often does hunger kick in?

what dose are you on?

Oops just seen the dosage.

perhaps hunger will dissipate at the higher doses?