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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
highowbump · 11/09/2025 15:16

NC as this could be outting ..

I have similar. Me & Dh choose to spend a lot of our money (most of it!) on travelling and have many holidays a year. A friend of mine wants to go to restaurants for dinner alot with me .. except this is not where I want to spend my money. I begrudge paying £30 for a soft drink, breads and bowl of pasta when all of this I could make just as well at home and for cheaper.

I get you OP

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 15:28

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/09/2025 15:12

@Delly9 She sounds like a nightmare, why don't you just ghost her?

It sounds like your entire friendship consists of her making you go to places you don't want to go to.

I might have to do that. Everyone else has ghosted her. One guy went for a week away after meeting her at a concert. He went mad at her at breakfast on holiday saying she was self centred etc and then he told all the hotel staff what a nightmare she was and said the friendship is over. He never spoke to her for the rest of the holiday. She told me this!

Other friends she has fallen out with she has called the police and said they are harassing her when they were trying to resolve the disagreement they had.

OP posts:
tartanhaggis7 · 11/09/2025 15:34

find friends with less income!!!

DaisyChain505 · 11/09/2025 15:36

Why don’t you just try……being honest with her.

Tell her that you like catching up and spending time together but going for a meal every time just isn’t feasible for you.

ThreePears · 11/09/2025 15:36

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 15:10

A group of us used to go bowling every month and she got angry when people no longer wanted to come when the cost of living started. I told her people can’t afford bowling now with cost of living and she said it was an excuse. She doesn’t have to survive on lower incomes like everyone else so doesn’t understand.

Saying you can't afford to do something isn't an excuse, it's a reason.

Besides, it is entirely up to you whether you want to go or not, and you do not have to provide any reason or excuse at all, other than "I don't want to". She can't force you to do these things.

Letskeepcalm · 11/09/2025 15:38

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 10:23

I think she just want to use the voucher up and someone says she will get bonus commission on the app as she seems more bothered about that than if we will both like the place.

Jeez, she sounds as tight as a ducks arse! And spoil rotten by her parents.
Im supposing you meal £30 for a main course? And then other stuff on top when you say £30? Regardless, I don't think she sounds much of a mate. If I were you I'd make my feelings known as politely as possible
But really, she needs to consider you.

JustineRobots · 11/09/2025 15:44

Im supposing you meal £30 for a main course?

You’re on a hiding to nothing asking this question…

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/09/2025 15:45

You do sound jealous
also it sounds like she is making the effort to make things cheaper for you
why don’t you go to the effort of planning your meet ups and suggest things in your budget - coffee and a walk, a fitness class, a pizza at one of your homes. There are lots of options!

Gwenhwyfar · 11/09/2025 15:57

I'm shocked at 27k being low income, but I suppose the cost of living has increased a lot over the last few years.

In any case, I don't think it's legal for a restaurant to refuse to take off the service charge so you can always refuse to pay that or pay a smaller amount.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/09/2025 16:00

highowbump · 11/09/2025 15:16

NC as this could be outting ..

I have similar. Me & Dh choose to spend a lot of our money (most of it!) on travelling and have many holidays a year. A friend of mine wants to go to restaurants for dinner alot with me .. except this is not where I want to spend my money. I begrudge paying £30 for a soft drink, breads and bowl of pasta when all of this I could make just as well at home and for cheaper.

I get you OP

I enjoy restaurants and definitely can't cook as well at home, but I'm in a similar boat in that some of my friends aren't able to eat earlier before going out for drinks so every drinks evening has to be a restaurant as well and it does get expensive.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/09/2025 16:05

beAsensible1 · 11/09/2025 07:03

that table deal is pretty they give you 50% of the whole bill and you have service charge everywhere you eat with table service.

No, you don't have an automatic service charge everywhere with table service. Most of the restaurants I've been to don't have that and even if they do, you can disregard it an pay the amount of tip you want to.

SirRaymondClench · 11/09/2025 16:07

MrsSlocombesCat · 11/09/2025 12:38

This comment is unhelpful and unnecessary. She's just explaining the difference in income and expectations. Although I don't understand why she just doesn't explain that she can't afford it. Sounds like the friend is entitled to me. Expecting everyone to fall in with her plans.

Have you actually read her posts? She actively seems to dislike her friend and has done nothing but slag her off on MN on this thread.

I hope her friend finds this thread and finds out just who her friends actually are because it's not OP that's for sure.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 11/09/2025 16:53

Tbh I'd have said 'I can't get there at 5, and I can't afford it, so you'll have to go without me'

But from now on I'd not be going for meals with her at all, she actually sounds like she's trying to rip you off by you paying for stuff that earns her rewards. I'd knock it on the head, at minimum I'd not go to anything with her that requires paying, and personally I'd end the friendship altogether because she sounds horrible.

Notthatgameagain · 11/09/2025 17:04

Tbh it seems to be that she is trying to save money on the meals by finding these 50% off deals. Paying £4 to get 50% of £30 is a saving. The service fee I am assuming she didn't know about. £30 is also not alot for a meal and a drink etc. However, if you don't have the funds you should just say no. Or you initiate the gathering and choose a venue of your choice and time. It is not good of her to book it for 5 when your still at work though.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 11/09/2025 17:23

Gwenhwyfar · 11/09/2025 15:57

I'm shocked at 27k being low income, but I suppose the cost of living has increased a lot over the last few years.

In any case, I don't think it's legal for a restaurant to refuse to take off the service charge so you can always refuse to pay that or pay a smaller amount.

”shocked at £27k being low income” well a full time minimum wage job works out around £25k so yes it’s low income.

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2025 17:58

Tbh you sound like you can’t stand her so why bother continuing the friendship?

ThreePears · 11/09/2025 17:58

Having read all your posts, she does sound slightly unhinged, so I'd start to back away gracefully. Be less available, and if she contacts you and says she has booked X place at Y time, say oh what a pity she didn't check with you first as you already have plans, she will need to take another friend instead and you hope she has a lovely time anyway.

Kisskiss · 11/09/2025 18:42

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 15:09

I phoned up and the moved the booking to later at 5.30pm and the restaurant said we can still use the voucher and my friend can get there in time.

I told my friend and she said did you get the name of the person you spoke to in case there are issues. She should be grateful I moved it. The restaurant told me you can get there at 6pm too, she was just being awkward booking it at 5.00pm.

I am going to find the cheapest thing I can find on the menu then not go for a meal again. I this not a ‘savings’ scheme. She only wants to get the cashback and bonus app. She’s doesn’t give a damn because she would meet someone else without these schemes that are cheaper.

I use “first table”, which is what I think you are referring to. There’s no loyalty or bonus so I think you’re being unfair to your friend.m in saying she’s forcing you to go so she gets some kickback.
the restaurants there rely on you showing up so I generally try my hardest to not break the booking, perhaps that’s her anxiety around it

Nanatobethatsme46 · 11/09/2025 19:33

highowbump · 11/09/2025 15:16

NC as this could be outting ..

I have similar. Me & Dh choose to spend a lot of our money (most of it!) on travelling and have many holidays a year. A friend of mine wants to go to restaurants for dinner alot with me .. except this is not where I want to spend my money. I begrudge paying £30 for a soft drink, breads and bowl of pasta when all of this I could make just as well at home and for cheaper.

I get you OP

I feel the same about paying to eat out. I look at the prices they charge for a meal and a drink and think how much i could save by just having the same at home
For example earlier this week i had a jacket potato with tuna mayo in a cafe that was 8.95 asked if i wanted a salad with it so i said yes that was 1.50 for a few leaves and half a cherry tomato
Coffee was 3.50 . As nice as it was ( the company of my daughter was priceless)
I could have had the same at home for less than £2 .

Happyflower12345 · 11/09/2025 21:42

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

So you know she does this, why do you agree to go out for a meal that you know will be expensive. If you want to catch up, you could make the plans or go for coffee/drinks. You don't have to do what you friends wants. But you do need to communicate this.

winter8090 · 11/09/2025 22:06

You don’t come across well here.

if you can’t afford it or don’t want to do it just say no.
Instead of calling her selfish, tight etc. I’d hate to think of a friend saying that about me when they could simply have said they couldn’t go.

Nanatobethatsme46 · 12/09/2025 07:53

winter8090 · 11/09/2025 22:06

You don’t come across well here.

if you can’t afford it or don’t want to do it just say no.
Instead of calling her selfish, tight etc. I’d hate to think of a friend saying that about me when they could simply have said they couldn’t go.

Agreed! Hope the friend is not on here reading this
I think she would be doing the friend a favour by walking away
No one wants a 2 faced friend who meets up for dinner and drinks then bitches to the world online behind your back about how awful you are

CheeseWisely · 12/09/2025 08:50

winter8090 · 11/09/2025 22:06

You don’t come across well here.

if you can’t afford it or don’t want to do it just say no.
Instead of calling her selfish, tight etc. I’d hate to think of a friend saying that about me when they could simply have said they couldn’t go.

Completely agree. I hope I don’t have ‘friends’ who would describe me as selfish and tight and ‘seethe’ about my inviting them to dinner, not to mention slagging me off on the internet because (reading between the lines) they think I should be paying for them since I earn more.

Who needs enemies with friends like that?

TwistedWonder · 12/09/2025 09:25

CheeseWisely · 12/09/2025 08:50

Completely agree. I hope I don’t have ‘friends’ who would describe me as selfish and tight and ‘seethe’ about my inviting them to dinner, not to mention slagging me off on the internet because (reading between the lines) they think I should be paying for them since I earn more.

Who needs enemies with friends like that?

Totally agree. I’d rather a friendship than smile to their face then run round slagging them off to randoms on the internet.

OP is coming across rather two faced imo. Regardless of what her friend’s doing, she’s not coming across as a very nice person.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/09/2025 10:51

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 11/09/2025 17:23

”shocked at £27k being low income” well a full time minimum wage job works out around £25k so yes it’s low income.

Well the median average is 31k and it's not much below that.
The minimum wage was just increased by quite a bit. Just a few years ago 27k was 10k above the minimum wage.