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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
QuaintPearlScroller · 11/09/2025 13:43

Simply say no sorry I can’t afford it and that’s the end of it your welcome to come meet me for coffee or something instead !

LDNloveandlife · 11/09/2025 13:48

Maybe I’m wrong but is £25-£30 per person for a meal out particularly expensive? Is that for food and drinks? I’m not sure I’d class that as extortionately expensive or a shock bill, I was expecting you to say your friend runs up £200 bills and wants to split!

Floundering66 · 11/09/2025 13:55

Price sounds normal for dinner out, but if you can’t afford it you need to just say that and not go. She isn’t responsible for your income or finances. Find places you can afford and send a list of places in your budget.

ViaRia01 · 11/09/2025 14:03

(Removed post as it was intended for another thread)

Mnsendsmewest · 11/09/2025 14:05

This is a ridiculous post. Just say no 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

Fariella · 11/09/2025 14:09

Eating out has become very expensive. Say that to her and it doesn't fit your budget. So, what are the alternatives? Late breakfast or brunch tend to be less expensive. I think we all have to think twice before eating out

HevenlyMeS · 11/09/2025 14:11

Yes I completely concur she seems immensely selfish
Most surely seems you would be best off setting firm boundaries & tell her she needs to empathise & compassionately, put herself in your shoes 💚🙏

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2025 14:20

LDNloveandlife · 11/09/2025 13:48

Maybe I’m wrong but is £25-£30 per person for a meal out particularly expensive? Is that for food and drinks? I’m not sure I’d class that as extortionately expensive or a shock bill, I was expecting you to say your friend runs up £200 bills and wants to split!

Agree. It’s hardly like her friend is booking Nobu and ordering Krug to wash dinner down.

soontobeamama · 11/09/2025 14:22

I think you need to communicate more with her - let her know that the 5pm time doesn’t suit your working time and also that you are unable to afford it. Why don’t you organise dinner at a cheaper restaurant, or arrange to meet up for other things that are not involving eating? Why does it appear that she is the only one organising the meals? If you still want to meet up with her and remain friends, you need to have a discussion about this.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 11/09/2025 14:24

You just need to stand up to your friend and stop letting her call the shots.

"She isn’t willing to compromise on time" - well neither should you be willing!

She says you need to be there at 5, you say "sorry that's impossible as I don't finish work until 5, the earliest I can make is 5.30 (or whatever time suits you). If she then complains about the voucher being invalid just say "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that". etc etc - just keep pushing back.

Re costs, when she suggests going out, you either say ok I'll pick the place as I can't afford much" or "ok but my max budget is £x as I don't have much money". If she keeps choosing places you can't afford, you turn her down and say "sorry I can't come as I don't have enough money for that". Don't be dictated to!

bevm72yellow · 11/09/2025 14:32

"That doesn't not work for me" or " that's not within my budget I won't be going"

bevm72yellow · 11/09/2025 14:35

Expect some backlash from her.." like I said it doesn't work for me" or " it won't work for me" ......leave the ball in her court to establish how good a friend she really is.....as she may like everything on her terms as a friendship.

TheAvidWriter · 11/09/2025 14:39

OP this is about your boundaries and how you are abandoning them by accepting this scenario with your friend repeatedly.
Your friend is who she is, and she will probably never take you into account, your income, or what you can afford. Ever.

And no expression from you regarding this will work. Sounds like your friend is showing you an upper hand of sort, I dont know, I but I know that I would never treat my friend like that, nor would I accept this. Its not a friend in my opinion who does not take into account finances of others, and just goes and does things anyway, having all the information. I take it she does know how you feel about things?

But only you can change how you react to her, or similar happenings.
You are the only one who can say, and you should say, this is out of my means, I will not abandon myself to cater for someone who does not respect that.

Do not let someone push you into scenarios like this, and perhaps pay attention to your boundaries, who gets to overstep them, and why.

AnnoraFoyle · 11/09/2025 14:39

Grow a backbone.

Nanatobethatsme46 · 11/09/2025 14:42

I rarely eat out now as i dont have the spare money with forever rising bills , dont go out with friends unless its somewhere cheap and take a packed lunch
On a rare occasion i met a friend id not seen for years for breakfast a while back, just a little backstreet cafe in a local town
2 coffees and 2 scrambled egg on toast came to not far off £30
I was shocked! But with that in mind a meal out ( as in evening meal) would cost much more

Alliod40 · 11/09/2025 14:43

Wtf is there something wrong with you..£30 is not expensive at all..you need to get rid of her or stand up for yourself..imagine leaving work early because your friend said you have to go for dinner then 🤣🤣🤣 are you 15 ??

Intothesunshine · 11/09/2025 14:43

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

Move in with her, negotiate free rent and bills and then you both win win

Hyperbowl · 11/09/2025 14:43

I would flat out tell her you’re not doing it anymore and if she doesn’t like it then she will have to accept that you can’t do dinner. I’d drop this “friendship” as she’s selfish, demanding and mean-spirited. Not good qualities in a person or a friend and certainly not worth wasting your money on. Tell her if she can’t make it that’s her problem for her poor organisational skills and you wont be picking up the flack. Completely push back, put some boundaries in and be equally as stubborn back or fuck her off completely.

Ireolu · 11/09/2025 14:54

Just don't go out for meals or do something else. We take turns (not as often as we would like) cooking for each other at home as a group of friends. Have done this for years it's much cheaper although tidying after is annoying it's OK as we try to take turns.

ETA : after seeing the rest of your posts I think the question really is if you can be bothered with this friendship. She comes across entitled in her requests of your time and money. I couldn't put up with it personally.

bobbrown · 11/09/2025 15:03

I really feel for you in this situation it’s tough when you’re trying to maintain a friendship but the financial expectations don’t align. It sounds like you’ve got a good heart and value the connection, but it’s totally okay to set boundaries that work for your budget. Maybe you could suggest more affordable meetups, like a coffee shop or a picnic in the park? I bet you can find fun ways to hang out that don’t break the bank.

rainbowsparkle28 · 11/09/2025 15:06

I think you just need to say it as it is - I can’t afford that or am on a budget could we perhaps do X or Y? Any decent friend will not mind and would not want you stressing about whether you can afford it, they would just want to see you whatever you are doing!

atinydropofcherrysherry · 11/09/2025 15:06

Is your friendship always involves money spending?

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 15:09

I phoned up and the moved the booking to later at 5.30pm and the restaurant said we can still use the voucher and my friend can get there in time.

I told my friend and she said did you get the name of the person you spoke to in case there are issues. She should be grateful I moved it. The restaurant told me you can get there at 6pm too, she was just being awkward booking it at 5.00pm.

I am going to find the cheapest thing I can find on the menu then not go for a meal again. I this not a ‘savings’ scheme. She only wants to get the cashback and bonus app. She’s doesn’t give a damn because she would meet someone else without these schemes that are cheaper.

OP posts:
Delly9 · 11/09/2025 15:10

atinydropofcherrysherry · 11/09/2025 15:06

Is your friendship always involves money spending?

A group of us used to go bowling every month and she got angry when people no longer wanted to come when the cost of living started. I told her people can’t afford bowling now with cost of living and she said it was an excuse. She doesn’t have to survive on lower incomes like everyone else so doesn’t understand.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/09/2025 15:12

@Delly9 She sounds like a nightmare, why don't you just ghost her?

It sounds like your entire friendship consists of her making you go to places you don't want to go to.

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