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Original poster

Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

367 replies

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:49

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

OP posts:
CallMeEvelyn · 05/09/2025 23:21

Well that's blackmail. Either he's ok with her inheriting, or he is not. There should be no extra conditions to it such as having hypothetical children or not.

If he's not happy with her inheriting, he needs to change his will - presumably he has one if they aren't married, otherwise that's a whole different story for your sister.

As a separate point, if he's dying he doesn't get to decide about your sister's life and whether or not she should be a single mother. Only your sister does. He's romanticising his own death and lost clarity of mind on this.

Alucard55 · 05/09/2025 23:21

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 23:15

What the hell are you talking about, I never said she shouldn’t or didn’t have autonomy?!?🤷‍♀️

On MN if certain posters (sheep) thinks a specific word makes them sound intelligent then they all have to use it even if they don’t fully understand the context in which they are using it !?!…..give me patience

Show quote history

Question. If she agrees to having children, whether that's naturally now or using sperm at a later date would you have an issue with her keeping the house and getting the life insurance then?

SharonEllis · 05/09/2025 23:22

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

That is massively controlling.

CallMeEvelyn · 05/09/2025 23:23

Does he have a will and is your sister a beneficiary? Do they have joint tenancy? She may need a solicitor before he passes away.

shuggles · 05/09/2025 23:25

@BePeppyDuck Sister can't be forced to have children that she doesn't want, but if that's her stance, the ethical thing is for her to decline his house and life insurance, and break from him completely.

I agree with her BF that sister living in a paid-for house with a new man is a deeply unpleasant thought.

namechangedforvalidreasons · 05/09/2025 23:27

He wants to freeze his sperm so he can leave a posthumous child? Is his sperm likely to be viable if he’s so close to death?

And he’s making a lot of assumptions. Pregnancy carries risks. What if she becomes ill during pregnancy and can’t work at allx What if she’s injured during the birth? Remote, but what if she subsequently dies? What if the child has some sort of birth defect or other injury? He won’t be around to assist. I understand him wanting his genes to carry on but that’s something you ask a person you love, not blackmail them into.

She’s not his incubator, he has my sympathies as a dying man but compelled birth isn’t right. If he doesn’t want her to have the house then he should leave it to someone else. I’d be broken-hearted that not only was my BF dying but it turns out he grudges me happiness and sees me as a brood mare.

itbemay1 · 05/09/2025 23:28

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 19:57

He can freeze his sperm if he wants to, doesn't mean your sister has to use it ever.

This is the answer

JFDIYOLO · 05/09/2025 23:35

Cancer, the treatment and the knowledge he doesn't have long have all had a terrible effect on him and how he's thinking.

And she's dealing with grief in advance.

Wanting children is everyone's right.

But trying to impose single motherhood in an unwilling woman is not fair.

They aren't married, so he can leave his property anywhere he wishes, and if he has no children perhaps it would find its way to other family members' children later on as his legacy.

If they were married she would have equal ownership of the property as security for her own future.

Then if he were to freeze sperm she might feel later on that she might like to take the chance, with a greater sense of security than she has now.

LittleElfShoes · 05/09/2025 23:36

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

Easy. Freeze his sperm, say you’ll use it and then leave in the freezer. She also has it there if she wants to be a single mum and has a better donor

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 23:51

Alucard55 · 05/09/2025 23:21

Question. If she agrees to having children, whether that's naturally now or using sperm at a later date would you have an issue with her keeping the house and getting the life insurance then?

Show quote history

As long as she truly wants children then obviously no.

No one is forcing her to have his children, they are NOT married, she has NOT contributed to the house, she has NOT been his carer, they have NOT been together for years as are still in their twenties. By all accounts she is a fit and able young woman in her twenties who works part time (for unknown reasons) who seems to think she should be set for life with a mortgage free house even though she contributed nothing and only works part time

I’m out now as this is getting quite boring and I really think some people on here have the morals of alley cats

stichguru · 05/09/2025 23:52

How dying is he? Like you'll die in the next few days? I think trying to organise his legacy is unsurprising, just let him do what he wants, and then your sister can make her decisions once he's gone.

Alucard55 · 05/09/2025 23:54

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 23:51

As long as she truly wants children then obviously no.

No one is forcing her to have his children, they are NOT married, she has NOT contributed to the house, she has NOT been his carer, they have NOT been together for years as are still in their twenties. By all accounts she is a fit and able young woman in her twenties who works part time (for unknown reasons) who seems to think she should be set for life with a mortgage free house even though she contributed nothing and only works part time

I’m out now as this is getting quite boring and I really think some people on here have the morals of alley cats

Show quote history

As long as she truly wants children then obviously no.

What difference would this make?

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 23:55

Alucard55 · 05/09/2025 23:54

As long as she truly wants children then obviously no.

What difference would this make?

Show quote history

Oh give me patience 🤷‍♀️

Alucard55 · 05/09/2025 23:58

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 23:55

Oh give me patience 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

If everything you say is true (gold digger etc.) then what changes if she has a child?

If she were to fall pregnant then miscarry should she keep the house then?

Alucard55 · 06/09/2025 00:00

If she agrees to pregnancy but is unable to fall pregnant/infertile should she keep the house then?

Alucard55 · 06/09/2025 00:01

If the sperm is unviable should she keep the house then?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2025 00:06

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

So she should do this. Freeze his sperm, it it makes him happy. Then down the line she can see if she wants to meet a new man or be a solo mum by choice with his sperm.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2025 00:08

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:17

@Bathingforest no they aint married but he said that he would love to get married before he passes

That would help her with keeping the home

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/09/2025 00:17

I don’t think you can draw any conclusions about abusive or coercive, he’s clearly in shock and needs counselling.
but your sister may not get his half of the house or the life insurance. Absent disabilities, I think it is nuts for a woman without children to work part time because her partner not husband provides, why has your sister done this? The only women I’ve known to do this have been married and also in a very gendered relationship where when they did have children it was all on the women (the men are not active dads and prioritise themselves) and it’s been difficult, they have no leverage in the marriage. Your sister may well find herself having to sell the house and support herself, this is just real life but the women I know would have found that very difficult to cope with, having never in their life actually supported themselves or thought they should.

NotAhotWeatherPerson · 06/09/2025 00:17

I don't see how you're supposed to make these decisions during such an emotional time. I'd agree but not to keep the house. I'd agree to him freezing his sperm because that leaves the option open if it was something I wanted to do in future (single mother by choice if I didn't find another partner) and it gives this man some peace as he dies. Give him his peace then worry about the details when you're ready after.

Happygolucky314 · 06/09/2025 00:18

Can I just point out,

im not living in a mortgaged house or anything at all private rent £650 per month for a maisonette however. I do it, I pay all my bills I pay council tax elec gas etc etc etc. all by myself with a 3 year old. So where you’re mentioning “ even with a mortgage free house She’d have to pay xyz” well ofcourse she would it’s normal part of living and for me I personally wouldn’t want my partner to live in a house I paid for when I passed as they would then go on to have children and what ever else in the home that was ours and I don’t think he’s wrong for that but he may be in shock.

she clearly don’t want his children and is thinking of every excuse which is more than valid of a reason for him to be hurt. If my daughters dad died tomorrow I’d be comforted in the fact that I have her and he gave her to me in that sense however she’s deciding she don’t want to do that which again is fine

Happygolucky314 · 06/09/2025 00:23

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 20:19

You think she should deliberately have a child knowing she would be depriving that child of a living father?

What has that got to do with loving someone? Wtf is wrong with you?

Show quote history

Can I just say

women become single parents all the time through choice by using donors to do so.

also there’s now same sex couples having children

it’s not about deprivation it’s 2025. My dad was a domestic abuser class a taker fraudster but I’m here not doing as good as I should be but I had one good STEP dad and one good grandad and I have enough positive role models in my life. In the ideal world everyone would have 2 parents a dog and a white picket fence but it doesn’t work that way

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 06/09/2025 00:49

SockFluffInTheBath · 05/09/2025 21:55

So much wrong here. The poor man is clearly scrambling through mental overload, and grasping at the future he thought he/his family would have.

Why has your sister allowed herself to be in such a precarious financial position? She can’t seriously expect to inherit the house?

She hasn’t placed herself in a financially precarious position, she’s got herself into a much more comfortable financial position than her own savings and earnings would warrant.

OP, she obviously should not have his babies.

HitthefloorforTaintedLove · 06/09/2025 00:56

Shutupkeith · 05/09/2025 20:13

If he hasn't got much time left how will he have the time to freeze his sperm? A very strange thing to be focusing on when you havent much time left.

When DH was diagnosed with cancer he was offered appointments on the NHS to freeze sperm within a few days so that it was preserved before treatment started- he went maybe 3 times within about a week and the sperm can remain frozen for 55 years.
Fortunately for us his treatment has been successful (knocking on alllll the wood).

LunaShadow · 06/09/2025 01:19

femfemlicious · 05/09/2025 20:04

He needs to leave his share of his house to his family. She's going to marry someone else in his house. I wonder why put her name on the house.

Why? If he has lived with this woman as a partner (wife) then she is entitled to the house on his death.
Personally I would advise her to go along with the sperm freezing. When he has passed she doesn’t need to use it, or she may wish too. Sounds like it’s just a knee jerk reaction to realising his own mortality if they’ve been a good couple up till now.