Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

[BePeppyDuck]

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

If I was in sister's shoes, I would dump him. If he cares so much for his money that he would try to coerce me into an unwanted pregnancy, he can enjoy it all by himself while he is alive.

Gosh it’s a sad story.
Your sis should only do what she feels is right . Perhaps he could donate his sperm. He could also freeze some so your DS has that option. He could leave her some money but , I might be wrong here but the house should & life insurance should go to his parents / siblings etc.maybe in trust so if OP does have his kids in some years time she gets material sum to go towards bringing up child .
Instead of a marriage, why not a blessing ceremony? With some prayers & hymns if they’re religious minded. Doesn’t need to be a legal marriage . But a spiritual marriage & chance for family friends to get dressed up & celebrate his life & them as a couple with a drink & some food. Even speeches if anyone wants to .

In her position I would let him have his sperm saved and I'd say yes I'll have his kids. Then later I'd see how I felt.

I can see both points of view. If she really loved him she would want to keep a part of him. However there are practical considerations that could put her off. She could work more than part time if she had helpful relatives - would his family be supportive? A mortgage free home would make life considerably easier than for many single parents.

Brilliant idea. Love this 👆

You're post comes from a good place but perhaps she just doesn't want to have a child.

I can see both sides of the argument

What children?

No, it seems that it's already in her hands, he's now trying to get it out of her hands unless she now agrees to have his baby and raise it alone.

Well, as sad as the situation is, in a nutshell, he doesn't want her to have another male partner. He is trying to control her through the use of emotional blackmail. Men, since the dawn of time, have been trying to control the reproductive choices of women and possess them. There is no thought here of her wishes, her grief and the emotional and physical care of those potential children. If he actually loved your DS, he would see that she is also grieving. He would simply want to marry her and give her the best. Instead he is treating her as a mere possession. It's a horrible misogynistic view point; "If she's pregnant, at least she will be saddled with my kids and therefore won't conceive any with any other male." It's like something off a wildlife documentary where the males impose their sperm upon a female animal through force.

Unless he apologises and achnowledges that the grief was talking, then personally she should also issue an ultimation - not getting married and her walking away. They could always agree to freeze his sperm and it's there is she wishes to use it at a later date. However, he shouldn't tell his parents. That would be cruel. He should only do this if it is something that your DS wants, otherwise it could also be very traumatic for her at a later date if she decides not to use it.

That is very selfish but a desperate idea from a dying man. It's dreadful and I hope he realises it in time.

@Scentedjasmin its not that he doesnt want her having another man. He probaly hates the fact of her getting another man and then both of them and thier kids benefiting off the house that HE paid for

What madness. This is a 28 year old! Why would she commit to having the children of a dead man. How long has she been with him? She has lots of living to do, this is no time to be making promises like this. He should leave his portion to his family and she can get on with her life.

This is about him facing the reality of his death.

The kindest thing for her to do would be to support him to freeze his sperm and tell him that if he died she would have his child.

She doesn't actually have to. The point right now is to give him comfort and understanding.

That's just nonsense that if she really loved him she would want to keep a part of him. Some would want a baby, others wouldn't, having or wanting his baby isn't evidence that that person loves their partner more than the ones who would choose not to.

In the assumption that you didn’t die at 29 I’m not sure you can make that judgment.

Whether I agree or not (I don’t as it happens) I think the guy could be cut a bit of slack for some crazy reactions given where he’s at.

He isn’t blackmailing her, she has a choice,

This woman contributed nothing financially to the property, he was also probably funding her lifestyle as she only works part time even though she currently has no kids and is young, there has also been no mention of her not being fit and able……why was she only working part time, It screams gold digger,

Even gold diggers have bodily autonomy.

So not only should she have a baby deliberately without a father and with a grieving mother, she should take the chance that this cancer has a genetic component and she can be a mother of a child who may also die in their 20s?

Sheer madness that anyone is advocating for this being a good idea, or a “not terrible” idea. Unbelievable.

So do you want her to behave as in 2025 or like its the 1950s you cant have it both ways

Yeah she does have choices, she doesn't have to agree to him selling the house for a start, he could try to force it but he might not be around for along enough to see that through. Of course in the meantime she might have to find a way to pay the mortgage and so on but her choice isn't just give up the house or go along with his demands.

@Someone2025 A lot of women in todays world still have the man pay the bills, Every man I know either pays most or all the mortgage + paid the deposit. Even all these women in the comments section, I bet you the man still pays for most things including the mortgage

A lot of women are very bad with money and there is a reason why most of the people carrying debt are women...

I wonder if there's a cultural element to this?

google Starling Bank

What the hell are you talking about, I never said she shouldn’t or didn’t have autonomy?!?🤷‍♀️

On MN if certain posters (sheep) thinks a specific word makes them sound intelligent then they all have to use it even if they don’t fully understand the context in which they are using it !?!…..give me patience