Page 13 | Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

BePeppyDuck · 2025-09-05T18:49:57+00:00

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes. He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father. But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage. I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

SamphiretheTervosaur · 07/09/2025 09:48

FairKoala · 05/09/2025 20:14

If he freezes his sperm then says in his will she can have the house for the next year and get pregnant using his sperm otherwise house sold, mortgage paid off and 50% of the equity goes to his family and she gets the other 50% and moves on.

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

Wtf?!?!

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 09:52

Rosscameasdoody · 07/09/2025 09:08

The thread makes a really depressing read. I’m shocked at the number of posters who are suggesting OP’s sister is somehow a bad person for not wanting to have a child on her own, or for wanting to hang on to her home after he has passed away.

These two people are a couple. They have set up home together and were talking about having children. It’s incredibly sad that this has happened, but if the outcome is inevitable and BF hasn’t long to live, I would expect his priority to be that his partner is taken care of after his death, not to saddle her with children she will have to bring up alone, without a father.

He put his partner on the house deeds so it’s clear he knew that she would inherit in the event he died first. He also took out a life insurance policy, and if she’s the beneficiary then again, it’s clear that he intended to provide for her after his death. What people seem to be suggesting is that she is cut loose with nothing unless she complies with his wish to have his children. That in itself is quite shocking, along with the transactional nature of it.

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He should care about her more than himself?. He shouldn't enjoy what ye worked for before he dues so that she can marry someone else and the new man will get half?. She is a 28 year old woman. She can work and house herself!!!. She is already ahead by getting half of whatever the equity that she didn't contribute to.

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 10:00

Rosscameasdoody · 07/09/2025 09:42

You were questioning people’s morals upthread. Maybe you should take a look at your own. You’ve made a few assumptions about OP’s sister based on nothing more than the fact that she works part time. From that you’ve deduced that she’s contributed nothing and isn’t entitled to inherit the house. If she’s working, then she’s obviously contributing to the household, and did you ever stop to consider that she may be working part time because she is caring for her partner ? Clearly not, because despite OP making no reference to this, you’ve decided she’s not his carer.

And your suggestion that she should only be allowed to keep the house if she really intends to go ahead and have his children is utterly abhorrent. The man is dying and clearly not thinking rationally because this is nothing more than emotional blackmail designed to make her fear for her future security and so coerce her into doing what he wants.

These two people are a couple. OP’s sister is his partner and it was his decision to put her on the deeds of the house, and to take out insurance so that she is taken care of after his death. He clearly intended for her to inherit the house if he passed away first. How on earth is this any different to a wife inheriting the marital home after her husband has passed. Their intention was to build a life together - that still stands, it was the diagnosis which snatched that away from them, not a conscious decision on either part.

In a loving relationship, under these tragic circumstances the main concern should be the welfare of the surviving partner - regardless of whether they are married or not. And to suggest that she should be made to give up her home under these circumstances is transactional at best and absolutely batshit at worst. And the fact that it’s other women suggesting it is disgusting.

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A lot of women are with men because the men are paying for them. Many women Ave said that on mumsnet. Even the woman complaining about her partner taking her kids phone because they didn't go to school admitted it. A lot of things are kinda transactional in life. Why should she get this man's house. She is a young woman, sounds like she is able bodied. She can work full time and house herself. She is lucky she will get half his equity already.

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 10:04

9ctself · 06/09/2025 21:22

"although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names"

Off topic but this is not wise

Extremely daft of him...I wonder what he was thinking 🤔

dottiedodah · 07/09/2025 10:21

This is a difficult situation for sure.I think he is being unreasonable TBH. Yes fate has dealt him a terrible blow ,but the house is in both your Sis and DP names .Its still half her home .I personally think that having children from a dead mans sperm is weird .However I realise this is just my own opinion.Maybe some counselling would help. McMillan is a wonderful resource ,they have 8 to 8 telephone services. And were very kind while I was going through Chemo, you can call as many times as you wish .

Winter2020 · 07/09/2025 10:50

Has your sisters boyfriend actually nominated her to receive his life insurance with the company? If he has nominated someone else (like his parents) as the beneficiary then the money will most likely go to them (I think the company might have the final discretion for legal reasons but will be strongly influenced by the nomination and non married state).

Have the couple looked closely at the life insurance. It can often pay our early in the case of a terminal diagnosis with a short time to live.

I think your sister should just tell her partner to go ahead and freeze his sperm and she will think about it but can't make promises. If that triggers her partner separating from her, changing his will, life insurance nomination and attempting to sell their house then that is his decision but in that case she won't be nursing him to the end will she?

It's a terrible situation all round but your sisters partner should not be trying to bully or blackmail your sister into having a baby if it's not the right decision for her whether he is terminally ill or not.

Winter2020 · 07/09/2025 10:54

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 10:00

A lot of women are with men because the men are paying for them. Many women Ave said that on mumsnet. Even the woman complaining about her partner taking her kids phone because they didn't go to school admitted it. A lot of things are kinda transactional in life. Why should she get this man's house. She is a young woman, sounds like she is able bodied. She can work full time and house herself. She is lucky she will get half his equity already.

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If they hold the property as "joint tenants" rather than "tenants in common" then the property would automatically go to the joint tenant if one of them die - even without a will or rules of intestacy applying.

However the life insurance is likely to go to whoever the person nominated to receive it.

Winter2020 · 07/09/2025 10:58

MoFadaCromulent · 06/09/2025 21:51

She's shouldn't have his kids, but tbf if I found out I was dying and I didn't have kids I'd no longer be worried about future planning and withdrawing any equity I had to try and enjoy what little time I had left. I wouldn't be feeling an obligation to keep on a mortgage and life insurance so someone else could have a more comfortable life going forward because I died

You wouldn't care if your partner was housed or could manage financially if you died? nice.

HonestOpalHelper · 07/09/2025 11:43

Depending on how this house is held it could end up being hers by default anyway, tenants in common it passes according to his will, joint tenants the will is circumvented and it goes directly to her.

Littlemrsconfetti · 07/09/2025 11:57

Winter2020 · 07/09/2025 10:50

Has your sisters boyfriend actually nominated her to receive his life insurance with the company? If he has nominated someone else (like his parents) as the beneficiary then the money will most likely go to them (I think the company might have the final discretion for legal reasons but will be strongly influenced by the nomination and non married state).

Have the couple looked closely at the life insurance. It can often pay our early in the case of a terminal diagnosis with a short time to live.

I think your sister should just tell her partner to go ahead and freeze his sperm and she will think about it but can't make promises. If that triggers her partner separating from her, changing his will, life insurance nomination and attempting to sell their house then that is his decision but in that case she won't be nursing him to the end will she?

It's a terrible situation all round but your sisters partner should not be trying to bully or blackmail your sister into having a baby if it's not the right decision for her whether he is terminally ill or not.

He shouldn't but I think the poor man isn't in the right state of mind. Unless he has a history of this kind of thing "bullying and blackmailing" I think we should actually take OPs word here. It's a terrible situation and he's quite literally having a mid life crisis due to dying..

MoFadaCromulent · 07/09/2025 12:00

Rosscameasdoody · 07/09/2025 09:13

So you would have no care about whether your partner was taken care of after you die ? Nice.

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My adult partner, who I'm not married to, with no dependents who I've been housing for free?

If their concern around my untimely demise is how they're going to manage without me paying for them or getting my assets for free?That cocklodger can fend for themselves

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 12:07

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 10:04

Extremely daft of him...I wonder what he was thinking 🤔

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Maybe that he loves her very much and wanted to take care of her? OP's told us that "He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldn't have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes" and that "he would love to get married before he passes". It seems to me that he cares about OP's sister and her welfare a great deal and that's what he was thinking about.

FlyMeSomewhere · 07/09/2025 12:08

At the end of the day this is why couples that live together and pay for a house together need to be on the mortgage and the deeds together. You don't need to be married, you need to be legal co-owners to ensure both have a home if something happens to one of you!
How can this man claim to love her yet threaten to make her homeless because she doesn't pay in as much as he does! Whether it's the cancer talking or not, it sounds like he wants to make it as difficult as possible for her to move on with her life without him.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 12:11

@Winter2020 "Has your sisters boyfriend actually nominated her to receive his life insurance with the company? If he has nominated someone else (like his parents) as the beneficiary then the money will most likely go to them (I think the company might have the final discretion for legal reasons but will be strongly influenced by the nomination and non married state)."

OP told us in her first post that "He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldn't have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes."

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 12:25

@FlyMeSomewhere "At the end of the day this is why couples that live together and pay for a house together need to be on the mortgage and the deeds together. You don't need to be married, you need to be legal co-owners to ensure both have a home if something happens to one of you!"
But you do need to be married to ensure you aren't landed with an Inheritance Tax bill after your partner dies if their estate is worth more than £500k (current £325k nil-rate band + £175k residence nil-rate band) as only spouses or those in a Civil Partnership can inherit their late partner's entire estate, regardless of value, IHT-free.

FlyMeSomewhere · 07/09/2025 12:33

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 12:25

@FlyMeSomewhere "At the end of the day this is why couples that live together and pay for a house together need to be on the mortgage and the deeds together. You don't need to be married, you need to be legal co-owners to ensure both have a home if something happens to one of you!"
But you do need to be married to ensure you aren't landed with an Inheritance Tax bill after your partner dies if their estate is worth more than £500k (current £325k nil-rate band + £175k residence nil-rate band) as only spouses or those in a Civil Partnership can inherit their late partner's entire estate, regardless of value, IHT-free.

Just looked it up and it doesn't sound as straightforward as that. Many people not in the South won't have 500k houses anyway but the guidance on gov.uk is far from clear, it's not about inheriting a property, how do you inherit a property that you equally part own.

Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

pokewoman · 07/09/2025 12:43

Someone2025 · 05/09/2025 21:40

It’s effectively stealing, she is going to lie to get her hands on a house that she has contributed nothing to……his parents might eventually want to know where the future grandchildren are….is she going to lie again then

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Even if she did use the sperm, there's no guarantee of a baby at the end of it

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 12:57

FlyMeSomewhere · 07/09/2025 12:33

Just looked it up and it doesn't sound as straightforward as that. Many people not in the South won't have 500k houses anyway but the guidance on gov.uk is far from clear, it's not about inheriting a property, how do you inherit a property that you equally part own.

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It is that straightforward and the .gov guidance is entirely clear. (I didn't bother mentioning the upper £2m limit for the residence nil-rate band because most MN posters would have guffawed at that.) Yes, the reality is that fewer than 7% of estates pay any IHT, but it's always worth highlighting that spouses and those in Civil Partnerships inherit from their partners entirely IHT-free when people imply there's no benefit to being married.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 13:03

pokewoman · 07/09/2025 12:43

Even if she did use the sperm, there's no guarantee of a baby at the end of it

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Indeed. And if he feels that strongly about her not agreeing to using his sperm after his death to TTC, he can cancel the life insurance policy (or nominate someone else as the beneficiary), change their ownership of the property to "tenants in common" (assuming they're currently "joint tenants") and not marry her (as he's said he would "love" to do). The truth is, OP's sister's future security is very much in her partner's hands.

JenniferBooth · 07/09/2025 13:21

Rosscameasdoody · 07/09/2025 09:13

So you would have no care about whether your partner was taken care of after you die ? Nice.

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Its individualism on steroids.

Needspaceforlego · 07/09/2025 13:35

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 13:03

Indeed. And if he feels that strongly about her not agreeing to using his sperm after his death to TTC, he can cancel the life insurance policy (or nominate someone else as the beneficiary), change their ownership of the property to "tenants in common" (assuming they're currently "joint tenants") and not marry her (as he's said he would "love" to do). The truth is, OP's sister's future security is very much in her partner's hands.

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If the life insurance has already paid out. It will have gone on the mortgage.

I can't imagine anything more stressful than being told your dying, too ill to work and you mortgage company threatening eviction because they want the mortgage paid.

Its also odd he's wanting to go ahead and get married but potentially not leave her the house.
TBH that sounds like hes not thinking straight

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 14:00

Needspaceforlego · 07/09/2025 13:35

If the life insurance has already paid out. It will have gone on the mortgage.

I can't imagine anything more stressful than being told your dying, too ill to work and you mortgage company threatening eviction because they want the mortgage paid.

Its also odd he's wanting to go ahead and get married but potentially not leave her the house.
TBH that sounds like hes not thinking straight

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IF the life insurance policy includes terminal illness cover (not all policies do) and it has already paid out it will have paid off the mortgage, but OP doesn't state that that's happened and I would have thought she would have mentioned if the property is now mortgage-free as that would make a huge difference to her sister's future security.
Of course a terminal diagnosis is the last thing any of us wants to hear and it would take some time to process what it means, but according to OP's posts, the BF's current thinking appears to be that if her sister agrees to using his frozen sperm to have his children after his death, he'll leave her everything (and marry her), but if she won't commit to this, he won't. As I previously posted, OP's sister's future security is very much in his hands and she should probably be looking for a full-time job and investigating the rental market in her area so she's best prepared for the worst-case scenario.

Snugglemonkey · 07/09/2025 14:02

FairKoala · 05/09/2025 20:14

If he freezes his sperm then says in his will she can have the house for the next year and get pregnant using his sperm otherwise house sold, mortgage paid off and 50% of the equity goes to his family and she gets the other 50% and moves on.

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

Wow, agreeing to bring children into the world with a father who has died is a massive ask. Is it in the best interests of the children? Being a single parent is tough and many people would not choose to do it. It has nothing to do with how much she loves him.

thebabayaga2025 · 07/09/2025 14:17

thebabayaga2025 · 06/09/2025 06:39

He's absolutely NOT a really nice man. Of course she must not give in to this horrible bullying, she's not a walking uterus and his children have the right to have their father in their lives. People do die and life does come between parents and children but nobody who is a nice or decent person would wish that utter certainty on their children or their significant other.

It sounds like he is quite happy to make it far harder for her in every single way. Being terminally ill doesn't give you any right to ruin other people's lives.

Tell her to tell him NO.

Actually, better yet tell her to lie to him, saying yes she will impregnate herself with his sperm when she is older, and then when he dies she can grieve in the normal way and find another partner instead and have kids in her own way and own time with the future partner - if she wants them.

It's what he deserves and will shut him up, and he can die in peace, thinking he got his way.

She can sell the house when he dies and find something she, a single woman with no kids, can afford to live in reasonably on her own.

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So, OP, any updates?

Whataretalkingabout · 07/09/2025 14:23

Humour him and get his sperm tested. It is probably already compromised and unsuitable for implanting.