Page 7 | I gave my 16 yo daughter the silent treatment and now she has lashed out at me. I want to die with so much stress.

KookyAquaHedgehog · 2025-09-04T10:39:09+00:00

Hi all, this is my first time ever posting, so please bear with me. I am a single mum of several kids and my 16yo daughter has been generally pissing me off with her attitude lately. It reached the point where I had enough and gave her the silent treatment for a few days (immature I know). Anyway, things have escalated to the point where she blurted out "If I had a problem, you'd be the last person I'd go to.". Not going to lie this hurt a lot, as I thought we were solid aside from going through a rough patch. Well it's now been over a week and we're still not talking. I'm so heartbroken. I don't know what to do. I didn't realise I had been dragging things on so much (again my fault) and she's rightly accused me of being immature), again I hear this. I just think we've reached a point where we just no longer understand each other and then resentment builds until one or both, dish out the silent treatment for fear of angering the other. It's a terrible cycle and coming from a hugely dysfunctional family, I'm at a loss on what do to from here on. My life is hard enough as it is, living pay check to pay check and struggling as a solo mum to put food on the table. Is it really worth going on in life when it feels like the whole world is against you? I don't know how to make things better in any aspect and the whole relationship drama just feels like the final nail in my coffin. Any advice, words of wisdom, would be tremendously appreciated. Thank you xx

GameWheelsAlarm · 05/09/2025 08:52

Well done @KookyAquaHedgehog that's brilliant progress.

Screamingabdabz · 05/09/2025 09:00

I’m late to the thread and I think it’s great that you apologised to your dd - teenagers are often disarmed by a parent who will be humble and vulnerable with them but I would stop with the asking her to forgive you.

You’ve said sorry and she’s accepted it. Now you have to get back to being an adult and being in charge. That’s what children need - even stroppy teenagers. They need to know that their adult is a safe pair of hands and can hold the boundaries. Begging forgiveness psychologically puts her in a weird place and she just wants to be a kid - and has every right to be a kid - who can kick off every now and then but knows her mum will still love her.

Move on from it all now. She is 16 so old enough to help you in your situation. Give her some household responsibilities such as budgeting ideas for a week’s shop - trust her, go with it and thank her. (Whilst still staying ultimately respinsible yourself). Teens thrive when they are respected like this. It’ll improve your relationship too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/09/2025 09:04

KookyAquaHedgehog · 05/09/2025 08:38

Thank you again to everyone for your replies. Some were quite clearly intentionally harsh (maybe I needed that), but I did post an update to which they were received afterwards, so I don't know why my update wasn't read first?

On the home front things were still, understandably, frosty today, however I sent my DD a text and said the following:

"Once again I'm sorry for the way I've been acting towards you lately. Things have been privately challenging for me but that's not your business, nor your responsiblity, and certainly never your fault. As a parent, I am the bigger person here, but in this case I haven't done the best I could and I messed up spectularly. i'm sorry."

She replied: Yeah it's okay. Don't worry."

My final text to her on this: "Thank you. I really wanted to tell you this face to face last night, but when we're both emotional it's sometimes hard to find the right words. I just need you to know that it's not really okay; what I did was wrong. Thank you for being forgiving with me. I love you so much, and I'll do everything I can to do better. Also, please don't stop calling me out on my bs even if it gets hard or uncomfortable for us both. I always want to be better for my family, even if sometimes I'm slow to learn!"

She 'loved' the message and we have since spoken no further on this. I hope this means we can move forward with grace and mutual understanding and I've definitely learnt a lot about myself and the resources I need to tap into going forward to 100% break the cycle that I grew up in and more recently, experienced with my ex.

SIDE NOTE: to those who asked/commented, particularly the presumptive and harsh comment from username "squidsin" no, i am absolutely not putting my feelings of suicidal ideation onto my daughter - she knows nothing about how I'm feeling in that sense. Not a single bit. The family knows I'm stressed and stretched very thin emotionally and financially; it's hard to not see that. We don't even have a tv! I'm just fortunate to have found a therapist that recognises the severity of my situation and has offered me free sessions for the next few years. I'm so blessed with this.
THANK YOU to MollyMini for offering to speak privately with me. Whilst I am still figuring out things and finding my way around the site, I will keep this beautiful gesture in my back pocket and am immensely grateful for your kindness.
THANK YOU AGAIN to all those who offered so much help even if it was just sharing your experiences growing up. I have largely blocked out my childhood and really cannot remember much anymore from emotional and sexual trauma, so to hear this from another's perspective really drives home what it means to be a bigger parent in the sense of being the stable rock our children need.

Thank you xx

This has made me smile

well done for saying sorry and yes parents do cock up at times. We are not perfect

Text was lovely and also means she can reread it again and again if she wants to

Change2banon · 05/09/2025 10:12

You’ve done fantastic OP ❤️
It’s much easier, and healthier, to positively move forward once you’ve both cleared the air. Good luck x

HarrietBond · 05/09/2025 10:13

That's a lovely heartfelt message and I'm not surprised she loved it. You've been very strong in apologising so meaningfully to your daughter.

Pancakeflipper · 05/09/2025 10:20

Take care @KookyAquaHedgehog
I find parenting teens challenging many times. They are growing up, independent thinkers yet still need to know we are solid and there. And when your experience as a child is a dysfunctional family, it's really hard to keep the focus. It is ok to realise you've fucked up and sort it out.

Hope the atmosphere defrosts and you both find yourselves giggling and enjoying each other's company again.

Treeteas · 05/09/2025 10:25

KookyAquaHedgehog · 04/09/2025 11:45

I have tried but she gets upset and says she can't be bothered talking to me.

My response to that would be.

Ok, thats fine but when you are ready I’m here to chat it through if you want to.

I tend to apologise too if my part in any argument needs to be looked at, even if my daughter doesn’t.

It’s hard. Teenage girls can be vile.

JFDIYOLO · 05/09/2025 10:30

Really well done, OP.

Parents are handed the baby and told 'right - parent THAT.'

And off they go to navigate newborn, baby, toddler, tween, teen and young adults with zero training in how to do that, or how to keep up and change as the child is changing, other than the example their own upbringing gave them.

MID50s · 05/09/2025 10:54

KookyAquaHedgehog · 05/09/2025 08:38

Thank you again to everyone for your replies. Some were quite clearly intentionally harsh (maybe I needed that), but I did post an update to which they were received afterwards, so I don't know why my update wasn't read first?

On the home front things were still, understandably, frosty today, however I sent my DD a text and said the following:

"Once again I'm sorry for the way I've been acting towards you lately. Things have been privately challenging for me but that's not your business, nor your responsiblity, and certainly never your fault. As a parent, I am the bigger person here, but in this case I haven't done the best I could and I messed up spectularly. i'm sorry."

She replied: Yeah it's okay. Don't worry."

My final text to her on this: "Thank you. I really wanted to tell you this face to face last night, but when we're both emotional it's sometimes hard to find the right words. I just need you to know that it's not really okay; what I did was wrong. Thank you for being forgiving with me. I love you so much, and I'll do everything I can to do better. Also, please don't stop calling me out on my bs even if it gets hard or uncomfortable for us both. I always want to be better for my family, even if sometimes I'm slow to learn!"

She 'loved' the message and we have since spoken no further on this. I hope this means we can move forward with grace and mutual understanding and I've definitely learnt a lot about myself and the resources I need to tap into going forward to 100% break the cycle that I grew up in and more recently, experienced with my ex.

SIDE NOTE: to those who asked/commented, particularly the presumptive and harsh comment from username "squidsin" no, i am absolutely not putting my feelings of suicidal ideation onto my daughter - she knows nothing about how I'm feeling in that sense. Not a single bit. The family knows I'm stressed and stretched very thin emotionally and financially; it's hard to not see that. We don't even have a tv! I'm just fortunate to have found a therapist that recognises the severity of my situation and has offered me free sessions for the next few years. I'm so blessed with this.
THANK YOU to MollyMini for offering to speak privately with me. Whilst I am still figuring out things and finding my way around the site, I will keep this beautiful gesture in my back pocket and am immensely grateful for your kindness.
THANK YOU AGAIN to all those who offered so much help even if it was just sharing your experiences growing up. I have largely blocked out my childhood and really cannot remember much anymore from emotional and sexual trauma, so to hear this from another's perspective really drives home what it means to be a bigger parent in the sense of being the stable rock our children need.

Thank you xx

We all make mistakes sometimes, at least you’ve recognised this and tried to put it right.
hope everything works out for you 💕

IntelCoreStrength · 05/09/2025 11:05

As someone who was regularly on the receiving end of the silent treatment from my mum (including one period when I was 16 for 3 months and I still have no idea what I did wrong), I just wanted to say that you’ve handled the aftermath of this brilliantly and it will mean a lot to your daughter. This is exactly how I wish my mum could have handled things and we might have a better relationship today if she had (her own modus was to deny that she was giving me the silent treatment). We all make mistakes as parents but you’ve owned up to it with your daughter and shown her that it’s not ok for someone to treat her like that, which will be huge for her self esteem. I wish you all the best, OP.

OrlandointheWilderness · 05/09/2025 11:44

Ah good on you OP! Nothing wrong with recognising then apologising for fucking up, we all do it so nothing wrong with being human in front of your child.

Mumofsoontobe3 · 05/09/2025 13:54

KookyAquaHedgehog · 05/09/2025 08:38

Thank you again to everyone for your replies. Some were quite clearly intentionally harsh (maybe I needed that), but I did post an update to which they were received afterwards, so I don't know why my update wasn't read first?

On the home front things were still, understandably, frosty today, however I sent my DD a text and said the following:

"Once again I'm sorry for the way I've been acting towards you lately. Things have been privately challenging for me but that's not your business, nor your responsiblity, and certainly never your fault. As a parent, I am the bigger person here, but in this case I haven't done the best I could and I messed up spectularly. i'm sorry."

She replied: Yeah it's okay. Don't worry."

My final text to her on this: "Thank you. I really wanted to tell you this face to face last night, but when we're both emotional it's sometimes hard to find the right words. I just need you to know that it's not really okay; what I did was wrong. Thank you for being forgiving with me. I love you so much, and I'll do everything I can to do better. Also, please don't stop calling me out on my bs even if it gets hard or uncomfortable for us both. I always want to be better for my family, even if sometimes I'm slow to learn!"

She 'loved' the message and we have since spoken no further on this. I hope this means we can move forward with grace and mutual understanding and I've definitely learnt a lot about myself and the resources I need to tap into going forward to 100% break the cycle that I grew up in and more recently, experienced with my ex.

SIDE NOTE: to those who asked/commented, particularly the presumptive and harsh comment from username "squidsin" no, i am absolutely not putting my feelings of suicidal ideation onto my daughter - she knows nothing about how I'm feeling in that sense. Not a single bit. The family knows I'm stressed and stretched very thin emotionally and financially; it's hard to not see that. We don't even have a tv! I'm just fortunate to have found a therapist that recognises the severity of my situation and has offered me free sessions for the next few years. I'm so blessed with this.
THANK YOU to MollyMini for offering to speak privately with me. Whilst I am still figuring out things and finding my way around the site, I will keep this beautiful gesture in my back pocket and am immensely grateful for your kindness.
THANK YOU AGAIN to all those who offered so much help even if it was just sharing your experiences growing up. I have largely blocked out my childhood and really cannot remember much anymore from emotional and sexual trauma, so to hear this from another's perspective really drives home what it means to be a bigger parent in the sense of being the stable rock our children need.

Thank you xx

Well done for having a chat and explaining yourself. That's what teens need - honesty and love. Keep that line of communication open. Teens are bloody brutal (I was a painfully brutal teen to my parents, they were cold and brutal back). Yous will both get there in time. Please reach out for support for your MH. You matter too x

bananafake · 05/09/2025 18:58

KookyAquaHedgehog · 05/09/2025 08:38

Thank you again to everyone for your replies. Some were quite clearly intentionally harsh (maybe I needed that), but I did post an update to which they were received afterwards, so I don't know why my update wasn't read first?

On the home front things were still, understandably, frosty today, however I sent my DD a text and said the following:

"Once again I'm sorry for the way I've been acting towards you lately. Things have been privately challenging for me but that's not your business, nor your responsiblity, and certainly never your fault. As a parent, I am the bigger person here, but in this case I haven't done the best I could and I messed up spectularly. i'm sorry."

She replied: Yeah it's okay. Don't worry."

My final text to her on this: "Thank you. I really wanted to tell you this face to face last night, but when we're both emotional it's sometimes hard to find the right words. I just need you to know that it's not really okay; what I did was wrong. Thank you for being forgiving with me. I love you so much, and I'll do everything I can to do better. Also, please don't stop calling me out on my bs even if it gets hard or uncomfortable for us both. I always want to be better for my family, even if sometimes I'm slow to learn!"

She 'loved' the message and we have since spoken no further on this. I hope this means we can move forward with grace and mutual understanding and I've definitely learnt a lot about myself and the resources I need to tap into going forward to 100% break the cycle that I grew up in and more recently, experienced with my ex.

SIDE NOTE: to those who asked/commented, particularly the presumptive and harsh comment from username "squidsin" no, i am absolutely not putting my feelings of suicidal ideation onto my daughter - she knows nothing about how I'm feeling in that sense. Not a single bit. The family knows I'm stressed and stretched very thin emotionally and financially; it's hard to not see that. We don't even have a tv! I'm just fortunate to have found a therapist that recognises the severity of my situation and has offered me free sessions for the next few years. I'm so blessed with this.
THANK YOU to MollyMini for offering to speak privately with me. Whilst I am still figuring out things and finding my way around the site, I will keep this beautiful gesture in my back pocket and am immensely grateful for your kindness.
THANK YOU AGAIN to all those who offered so much help even if it was just sharing your experiences growing up. I have largely blocked out my childhood and really cannot remember much anymore from emotional and sexual trauma, so to hear this from another's perspective really drives home what it means to be a bigger parent in the sense of being the stable rock our children need.

Thank you xx

Well done OP. Excellent response.

Hopefully this whole experience will benefit both of you going forward. There's nothing more healing than a parent taking responsibility for their mistakes.