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Original poster

Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

253 replies

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 03/09/2025 12:42

pinkyredrose · 03/09/2025 12:04

He's a lousy shag. Dump.

So many men are terrible at sex.

ILoveWhales · 03/09/2025 12:45

Muffinmam · 03/09/2025 12:42

So many men are terrible at sex.

Show quote history

Most of them are tbh.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 12:46

Muffinmam · 03/09/2025 12:42

Yes. How much time do you need?

20 minutes is a lot.

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Well it isn't really.
It's as long as both parties want it to be.

BrentfordForever · 03/09/2025 12:53

MrsSlocombesCat · 03/09/2025 12:28

Are you serious? What if she married someone and then found out they were crap in bed 😂

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@Popthetop5 he’s probably not interested in anything more than sex
I’d just move on tbh

edit as posted too soon: colleague didn’t have sex before marriage, found on wedding night that H was impetent and he hadnt revealed! So best not to wait till after marriage even for religious reasons 😑

JanuaryBug · 03/09/2025 12:55

Cinnabonswirl · 03/09/2025 00:24

Let him go
hes crap in bed and rather than take a polite hint, he’s blamed you, compared you unfavourably and said helping you ruins the vibe. Imagine this were the other way round he’d be outraged.

This. One thousand times. You deserve better. He's crap in bed. He is only interested in his own pleasure. He knows nothing about women, or any he's been with have faked, if he thinks women usually orgasm fast.

He's a loser.

SecretNameforMN · 03/09/2025 12:55

The way you described what happened makes you sound like a passive observer rather than an active participant. you should not have allowed him to move to intercourse if you were not happy with the non-existent or short amount of foreplay. women these days are equal to men, we don't just lay there and let them perform. having said that. I think he is rubbish in bed if he hasn't learned by now. He never will and to blame you by citing other women is a disgusting thing to do, and so I think there is no alternative than for you to dump him.

If You absolutely will not give him up Then You must tell him that from now on There will be no more intercourse, although you can do every other sexual activity that exists.And let's see what he has to say about that!

JanuaryBug · 03/09/2025 12:55

Muffinmam · 03/09/2025 12:42

Yes. How much time do you need?

20 minutes is a lot.

Show quote history

20 minutes is not a lot...

BauhausOfEliott · 03/09/2025 12:56

BenignKipper · 03/09/2025 06:41

He said women usually get there faster?

What he means is women get there faster in porn.

Sorry OP, this is telling you everything you need to know.

They don't get there faster in porn to be honest. Sex in porn goes on for ages with tons of other stuff as well as PIV. What he means is that his previous partners faked it to get it over with because he was terrible at it.

OpheliaNightingale · 03/09/2025 13:00

@soundslike a bit of a red flag that he’s mentioning other women he’s slept with, especially at such an intimate moment with you.

CrimsonStoat · 03/09/2025 13:10

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:29

It's like he had no interest in getting back into it after oral. He was just like the moments hone I've done that for ages whilst nothings been done to me.

He sounds horrible. Put him back because it won't get any better.

Gymbunny2025 · 03/09/2025 13:13

Twinklewonderkins · 03/09/2025 07:06

His ex probably faked it to get it over with more like.
this is probably the best it will be and he doesn’t sound very nice as well as being a shit shag.

What’s the betting he was in a sexless marriage- totally oblivious that he was the reason his ex wasn’t interested 😂

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/09/2025 13:15

He's a lazy lover.

You're not sexually compatible and he sounds a dick. Any man who tells a woman he's good in bed is a dick and usually a total let down.

Move on, this isn't the one.

Gymbunny2025 · 03/09/2025 13:19

Totally agree. If a guy tells you he’s good in bed- he’s not. Same as if a guy tells you he’s ’a nice guy’ or ‘a gentleman’. Assume the opposite!

Rallentanda · 03/09/2025 13:37

I hope there are some men reading this thread. We've got your number! Try harder!

LupaMoonhowl · 03/09/2025 15:25

Rallentanda · 03/09/2025 13:37

I hope there are some men reading this thread. We've got your number! Try harder!

😂

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 16:10

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:21

What from kissing foreplay then sex

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yep - this is the average lol weird to think isnt it

Missj25 · 03/09/2025 16:33

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:59

My ex was not a nice man but he always pleased me and he knew my body. I like sex and I think he felt like giving me 15 mins of attention was a chore. But also I haven't met a man before who isn't hard whilst touching a woman. It's like giving me attention made his erection go.

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Well if he’s someone you feel it could work out with OP you should be able to sit down & talk openly about sex ….
So sit down & talk !
Best of luck …

Sevenh · 03/09/2025 18:26

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 09:35

Yeah, it seems like she doesn't do much and expects men to just get aroused by pleasuring her.

I know women who really do expect their naked presence is enough foreplay, and allowing the guy to touch them should top that off.

I think your boyfriend has joined the thread @Popthetop5
🤣

😂

stringerthangs · 03/09/2025 18:43

It sounds like he struggles to maintain his erection and is massively insecure about it. I think you've probably dodged a bullet finding out quickly. It won't get better. How horrible trying to blame you but please don't take that to heart as he was obviously just trying to deflect as he knew he wouldn't be able to continue. It's not you, it's him.

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 18:48

PigletSanders · 03/09/2025 10:45

You don’t agree, but based on some weird summary of your own making. Where does it say the OP just got naked and called it foreplay?

Why are you jumping to the defence of a very selfish man who won’t do anything for his partner in bed, but makes it clear she’s not allowed to do anything herself? 🤣 I’d have a word with yourself.

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She actually did say basically that.

Someone2025 · 03/09/2025 19:09

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 07:22

He's attractive i said attentive i think.

I thought we were having good sex until he acted like that. Thats the funny part i thought this is better than the first two times.

Yes flowers and early dates are effort more than declarations.

He's also battling an ex over a child thats not his that he's trying to see still. She was all for it but now she knows we talk she's got mean.

I think going back to lonely is my only choice. Lol.

If you like him give him one more chance, he may have been tired / stressed

KhakiOrca · 03/09/2025 19:26

TKFrauling · 03/09/2025 11:02

I might get lambasted for this: I think that women can choose to sleep with someone whenever they want - on a first, second, third or whatever date. But I think if you are after something long term it is probably best to develop a bit of a relationship first. If you get to know someone quite well then sex is easier to navigate as you have a shared intimate language and are less shy about making your desires clear and finding the way together, also you might both be more invested in caring for each other sexually. I hope I am making sense. This is the advice I think I would give myself if I was younger. I so often thought that sex was part of getting to know someone and yet sex was often unsatisfying because ultimately we didn't know each other that well (and a few of my sexual partners were really selfish).

I have to agree with this.
In a new relationship, oral sex isn't something people usually invest in. It's more of something to build towards. As the relationship grows we can become more familiar with each others bits and pieces. New relationships tend to be more lustfful and ripping each other's clothes off. Whereas oral sex comes more with a progression to feeling love for each other.
So maybe you wanted more than he could give so soon.

Loafbeginsat60 · 03/09/2025 19:53

Selfish in bed? No thank you. Throw that one back it won't get any better

ElizaJ74 · 04/09/2025 18:11

Life is too short for bad sex! Buy yourself some flowers and see what offers Lovehoney has.
And throw that selfish man in the bin x

Sodthesystem · 04/09/2025 18:14

Realistically there's no way to know someone is relationship material after 4 dates. Especially if the sex is bad. Which it sounds like it is.

Onto the next.

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