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Original poster

Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

253 replies

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

OP posts:
PurpleSocks37 · 03/09/2025 10:38

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:59

My ex was not a nice man but he always pleased me and he knew my body. I like sex and I think he felt like giving me 15 mins of attention was a chore. But also I haven't met a man before who isn't hard whilst touching a woman. It's like giving me attention made his erection go.

Show quote history

Most of them het excited and hard meanwhile giving oral to a woman. Get rid of him, sounds like he doesn't like giving pleasure to others, he won't change. Leave now.

usedtobeaylis · 03/09/2025 10:39

It's clearly put him off that that you have gently asserted yourself. He sounds a bit huffy about it. You can do better.

Laura36TTC · 03/09/2025 10:40

Pinkbananaa · 03/09/2025 00:18

20 minutes is a long time tbh

Is it!?

PigletSanders · 03/09/2025 10:45

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 09:46

Or just a woman who doesnt think getting naked equals foreplay.

Again gendered thinking. A women doesnt agree so it must be a man.

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You don’t agree, but based on some weird summary of your own making. Where does it say the OP just got naked and called it foreplay?

Why are you jumping to the defence of a very selfish man who won’t do anything for his partner in bed, but makes it clear she’s not allowed to do anything herself? 🤣 I’d have a word with yourself.

BauhausOfEliott · 03/09/2025 10:54

So he's boring about sex and also gets chippy and sullen when you try to explain what gets you off? Dump him.

If he's like this about sex, he's not a good man at all.

TKFrauling · 03/09/2025 11:02

I might get lambasted for this: I think that women can choose to sleep with someone whenever they want - on a first, second, third or whatever date. But I think if you are after something long term it is probably best to develop a bit of a relationship first. If you get to know someone quite well then sex is easier to navigate as you have a shared intimate language and are less shy about making your desires clear and finding the way together, also you might both be more invested in caring for each other sexually. I hope I am making sense. This is the advice I think I would give myself if I was younger. I so often thought that sex was part of getting to know someone and yet sex was often unsatisfying because ultimately we didn't know each other that well (and a few of my sexual partners were really selfish).

StripyShirt · 03/09/2025 11:04

seaelephant · 03/09/2025 00:45

He's bad in bed and has no interest in your pleasure, that's all there is to it. I understand being embarrassed but it says a lot more about him than it does about you

This is it. Get rid of him, it will never get better.

StripyShirt · 03/09/2025 11:04

seaelephant · 03/09/2025 00:45

He's bad in bed and has no interest in your pleasure, that's all there is to it. I understand being embarrassed but it says a lot more about him than it does about you

This is it. Get rid of him, it will never get better.

MyDeftDuck · 03/09/2025 11:05

His comment of “women usually cum fast” speaks volumes. IMO, all this bloke wants is to get his rocks off, he has NO ongoing intention of pleasing a woman and very little idea of foreplay…………..seemingly he cannot wait to get his cock inside and do the deed.
I suspect that his previous partners were so disappointed and dissatisfied by his performance they simply faked an orgasm to get him off them.
You clearly know your own body OP, go find yourself a considerate, compatible and attentive lover who does get jaw ache!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 11:13

I suspect that his previous partners were so disappointed and dissatisfied by his performance they simply faked an orgasm to get him off them

I've seen this comment a lot on this thread, and I disagree.

He's watched a lot of porn and believes that all women come really quickly. That's by far the more likely explanation.

Alternatively he just wants the OP to think she's substandard. His mythical exes were supposedly better and quicker to reach orgasm.

Original poster
Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 11:33

He did joke about not signing up to porn now you have to. His penis on the first go did seem small and I wasn't sure if it had gone in at all. I thought he was taking it. I thought it was nerves. Do u think k this could be it?

I did abit of everything to him and was a few minutes away from finishing when he gave up. I was surprised when he didn't want to get it hard and have sex though.

OP posts:
MeadowMouse · 03/09/2025 11:38

He doesn't sound great. If this is a brand new relationship, he should be trying hard to impress, not half -trying. I assumed from your post that he was in his early 20s. He should not be comparing you to other people or making you feel inadequate, especially during a vulnerable situation like sex.

allusernamesaretakennow · 03/09/2025 11:41

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

So you take longer. He's not the right one. He sounds selfish and a bit of a prat. He's showed you who he is - dump him and find someone else. The right person, that cares for you, will take time and it won't be all about him.

Good luck with finding someone better that deserves you.

LillyPJ · 03/09/2025 11:44

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 10:26

My mind is certainly not warped. Thanks for yr reply and God bless you as He has blessed me.

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So I was right!

Sunnyscribe · 03/09/2025 11:48

Not surprised your upset

A complaint about jaw ache during sex would be a huge turn off. Can't he just stop and do something else that a bit less jaw aching? Yeah the mood is gone, if you make a complaint like that.

"Women usually cum fast" sounds blaming as well, like you're the failure of you don't cum in good time.

Not only is he lazy, he's trying to gaslight you into it being your fault that your aren't satisfied.

pinkyredrose · 03/09/2025 12:04

He's a lousy shag. Dump.

MaryMungoMidgley · 03/09/2025 12:06

PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo · 03/09/2025 00:24

It’s not you it’s him - it won’t get better - if he’s not putting in the effort at this stage then long term he never will.

This ⬆️
20 minutes is a quickie & definitely not worth the bother of making yourself look nice etc
In regards to him not lasting long enough for you to finish first, that is deliberate.
I remember the feeling; you are in a race, he is in control of things and he will make damn sure that he gets to the finish line well before you get chance to hit your stride.
He cares only about his own pleasure, the amount of time he devotes to your pleasure will be the minimum that he can get away with.

GelfBride · 03/09/2025 12:15

seaelephant · 03/09/2025 00:45

He's bad in bed and has no interest in your pleasure, that's all there is to it. I understand being embarrassed but it says a lot more about him than it does about you

This. There is nothing more to this than he is a selfish asshole.

LTB.

EmmaOvary · 03/09/2025 12:18

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 09:28

I would advise to stop right now. You don't know him at all. Friendship first at least a year! Get to know someone slowly but surely, respect yrself my darling because yr body is the house of yr spirit and soul. You allowed this man to make you feel this way but you are worth more than that ,yr valuable and you must see your worth.

Sex belongs in marriage but this world we live in normalises it to be outside marriage and we all mostly are guilty of it. God bless and guide you dear sister.

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WTAF?

user2848502016 · 03/09/2025 12:19

It’s not you, he doesn’t care enough. I would move on

Twiglets1 · 03/09/2025 12:20

This has bought out his mean side which was always there just hidden until now. Not the sort of person you should stick with to talk to you like that and try to blame/shame you.

Rallentanda · 03/09/2025 12:25

He just doesn't know how to experiment to see what you like. I presume he didn't ask you if you liked it like this, like that? Oral is a skill and everyone is different. Also to be honest 10 mins with someone you don't know is hardly going to get there - it takes time surely to build up that response. I sympathise with the jaw-ache but he could have switched things up a bit and gone back to it - he just isn't skilled or responsive enough, clearly.

So don't you feel bad! This is on him. I mean, if he thinks PIV straight away is going to be decent, then he's got no idea, has he?

Twiglets1 · 03/09/2025 12:28

I expect women have faked orgasms before you as he doesn't sound at all skilled at sex.

MrsSlocombesCat · 03/09/2025 12:28

womendeserveprivacy · 03/09/2025 06:26

Not for religious reasons but ditch him and don't do it again unless it's your honeymoon and there's no prenup (unless you're loaded.) And only after you know he's trustworthy and doesn't have any std's you don't want. Otherwise you may find years of your life wasted on dumb fake relationships you thought sex would make real.

Are you serious? What if she married someone and then found out they were crap in bed 😂

Muffinmam · 03/09/2025 12:42

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:21

What from kissing foreplay then sex

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Yes. How much time do you need?

20 minutes is a lot.

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