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Original poster

Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

253 replies

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

OP posts:
Justgoodforthegetting · 03/09/2025 06:12

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:29

It's like he had no interest in getting back into it after oral. He was just like the moments hone I've done that for ages whilst nothings been done to me.

Oh OP, definitely throw this one back!

He’s not remotely interested in your pleasure, I used to have a BF like this when I was in my twenties, used to make me feel like he was doing me a huge favour if he spent any time pleasuring me because he “wasn’t getting anything out of it”

The men I’ve met as I’ve got older are so different, in fact the last few would happily spend all day down there. Because my pleasure is important to them.

Not only is your pleasure not important to him, but he’s actually making you feel bad about asking for what you need, then punishing you for it by withdrawing sex. Huge red flag imo. This attitude will show itself elsewhere if you stay with him.

User37482 · 03/09/2025 06:13

Yeah thats not great is it. I’d leave it, someone who just wants to go straight for it wouldn’t work for me. I just wouldn’t want to have sex if it’s this rubbish tbh.

LillyPJ · 03/09/2025 06:18

Pinkbananaa · 03/09/2025 00:18

20 minutes is a long time tbh

20 minutes? Barely started sometimes!

Wallywobbles · 03/09/2025 06:18

Just no to this. My exh made sex so complex and it was just shit. Please don’t bother. If he’s not in to you enough to bother stop now. With DH sex is so simple he’d do whatever I want and just touching me is pleasurable for him.
honestly it’s so soul destroying being with a man like your current bf do future and current you a favour and say no thanks.

Loubylie · 03/09/2025 06:18

He's not sexy.

NameChange23456790 · 03/09/2025 06:23

God he sounds awful get rid

duckfordinner · 03/09/2025 06:23

Nothing to do with you. He is just not very good in bed. Throw him back.

womendeserveprivacy · 03/09/2025 06:26

Not for religious reasons but ditch him and don't do it again unless it's your honeymoon and there's no prenup (unless you're loaded.) And only after you know he's trustworthy and doesn't have any std's you don't want. Otherwise you may find years of your life wasted on dumb fake relationships you thought sex would make real.

cloudtreecarpet · 03/09/2025 06:27

It's only the fourth date and he made you feel uncomfortable & humiliated enough to be posting on here.

Surely that speaks for itself?

mbonfield · 03/09/2025 06:36

Just move on if a guy makes you feel stupid then it is time to get rid. He is obviously not suited to you and he does not know how to treat you.

Good luck.

Original poster
Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 06:37

I appreciate your replies. I think last night isn't possible to move forward with. He checked we were good and said he'd like to see me but didn't even. Message to say goodnight or say he'd got home.
I must admit you'd think he'd enjoy it. He told me he's quite good in bed a d would mention wanting to do oral. I can't see the point trying to get off o ce he's in there pumping away you k ow by that point they'll not last long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 06:38

The dates in themselves have been. Good thats the thing.

OP posts:
autumn1610 · 03/09/2025 06:39

Nope he is selfish, he either steps up or walk away…I’d walk away as he will step up for a bit then go back. My recent experience with guys (recently single) is they cannot get enough and I’ve been asking them to stop so they are out there 😂 if he thinks 2mins and PIV is enough then well he is just a shite and selfish lover. At this stage in your relationship 20mins is so quick that’s barely time to have a kiss and get your clothes off in my opinion. He’s made you feel shit when your at one of your most Vunerable moments tells you everything

BenignKipper · 03/09/2025 06:41

He said women usually get there faster?

What he means is women get there faster in porn.

Sorry OP, this is telling you everything you need to know.

Nogoodusername · 03/09/2025 06:42

He’s completely selfish in bed. Get rid!

CabbageWater · 03/09/2025 06:44

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:39

So we were kissing and he removed some of my clothes for about 5 or so minutes. Went through to room. He went down on me for 2 minutes then wanted piv. After a few mins I switched position but realistically new it wasn't enough stimulation for me. So I said can you play with me for abit. I did give him a little oral but when he gave me it the position didn't allow me to do things to him.

I was very close when he stopped, he then said the moment was gone and he felt shit. He had no interest in getting himself hard again I could tell. I've never experienced a man being all about speed.

I thought it was fun to mix it up abit not just piv. He's also quite small compared to my past.

I don't know what he did for his ex because he's not very attentive.

Am I pretty normal or do most women finish in 10 minutes with a newish lover. He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough.

He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough.

Red flag for me! That and comparing you to other women, how shitty of him! He clearly shows you that for him, sex is all about getting his dick wet, and fast. It's not about you (making you feel shit about you touching yourself, about giving you oral, about not climaxing in his own time frame, not being attentive and caring, etc.). This is not going to get better and he doesn't seem open to discussing it and exploring better sex with you. In the bin.

ZenNudist · 03/09/2025 06:47

He sounds awful. 10 mins nope! Dump now...

CountFucula · 03/09/2025 06:47

Ick

SaidAHipHopTheHippieToTheHippie · 03/09/2025 06:47

ugh! Throw this one back op!

DoubtfulCat · 03/09/2025 06:52

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:29

It's like he had no interest in getting back into it after oral. He was just like the moments hone I've done that for ages whilst nothings been done to me.

He’s selfish. It sounds as though he’s turned on only by being fondled in some way, or watching you do things to him/be penetrated. Takes me ages some nights (depends on how tired I am and also before I started HRT I lost my libido completely) but my H always makes sure I’m satisfied before we move onto PiV. He enjoys it and it’s a source of satisfaction for him- he spent time learning me and my body when we first got together and he put his own jollies second while he did that.

I’m sorry. If he’s not interested in your pleasure in bed then that’ll show up throughout your whole relationship.

Wheech · 03/09/2025 06:54

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:39

So we were kissing and he removed some of my clothes for about 5 or so minutes. Went through to room. He went down on me for 2 minutes then wanted piv. After a few mins I switched position but realistically new it wasn't enough stimulation for me. So I said can you play with me for abit. I did give him a little oral but when he gave me it the position didn't allow me to do things to him.

I was very close when he stopped, he then said the moment was gone and he felt shit. He had no interest in getting himself hard again I could tell. I've never experienced a man being all about speed.

I thought it was fun to mix it up abit not just piv. He's also quite small compared to my past.

I don't know what he did for his ex because he's not very attentive.

Am I pretty normal or do most women finish in 10 minutes with a newish lover. He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough.

There is a huge range of normal for women. Personally I need a lot longer and with a new partner it might not happen at all no matter how good they are. Don't be thinking there is anything wrong with you.

SirRaymondClench · 03/09/2025 07:03

He sounds like yet another porn-soaked loser who will knock your confidence OP.
Women and our orgasms are not a universal standard so how would he know how long it takes women to come? We are all different. I imagine as another poster said that any that came quicker faked it to get things over with.

It's like you setting an egg timer and saying he has 5 minutes to orgasm because "Men usually come within 5 minutes"

Throw this ridiculous selfish twat back into the sea.

MrMucker · 03/09/2025 07:03

O dear.
How selfish.
Personally I couldn't see past a sex taker, very unappealing character wise.
Plus the older you are as a sex taker, I'm sure the more resistant you are to becoming less selfish.
After you tried to even things out he gave you the silent treatment. He's emotionally stunted and if he's 40, also emotionally cemented.

It's a good job you have the experience of your ex at least satisfying in this department so you can move on to a better experience with confidence.

Also, "flowers" at the beginning... enjoy them, but you don't have to fall for the guy because of them!

Twinklewonderkins · 03/09/2025 07:06

His ex probably faked it to get it over with more like.
this is probably the best it will be and he doesn’t sound very nice as well as being a shit shag.

Bloodyscarymary · 03/09/2025 07:09

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:59

My ex was not a nice man but he always pleased me and he knew my body. I like sex and I think he felt like giving me 15 mins of attention was a chore. But also I haven't met a man before who isn't hard whilst touching a woman. It's like giving me attention made his erection go.

Show quote history

Possibly he has some issues with erectile dysfunction and was embarrassed that he lost his erection and then tried to play it off as “the moment is gone” as he knows from past experience that he can’t get it back once it goes. Whereas normally someone with healthy blood flow, even if they go a bit softer during parts of foreplay, would be able to get back to full attention swiftly?

Regardless, I don’t think it’s worth dissecting, there is no point continuing if it’s crap and he has a bad attitude! An awkward first time is perfectly normal but things should improve as you both become comfortable with each other. It just doesn’t sound like you’re sexually compatible and that’s a very important piece of the puzzle even if the other bits seem nice.

If you proceed you may end up regretting it as you’ll eventually resent him and break up anyway, but having wasted 5 years of your life instead of 4 dates!