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Original poster

Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

253 replies

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

OP posts:
aCatCalledFawkes · 03/09/2025 09:05

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 06:37

I appreciate your replies. I think last night isn't possible to move forward with. He checked we were good and said he'd like to see me but didn't even. Message to say goodnight or say he'd got home.
I must admit you'd think he'd enjoy it. He told me he's quite good in bed a d would mention wanting to do oral. I can't see the point trying to get off o ce he's in there pumping away you k ow by that point they'll not last long.

I really get this. My most recent ex I actually thought was good in bed and he thought he was amazing, he was great at oral but after a while that seemed to get less and it was more about him on top or him wanting sex in the middle of the night which was just spooning. It had never occurred to him to do things like a woman on top or to try anything else, he didn't even believe women could orgasm with piv - well no you on top all the time is pretty boring. I have had exes who have been able to do this. I did feedback to him but he just didn't get it.

MumWifeOther · 03/09/2025 09:10

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 03/09/2025 09:04

Because ultimately she'd be doing it with a partner who has no interest in her sexual pleasure. We don't need to entertain such selfish men, they're 10 a penny and not worth that.

Show quote history

Well yeah that’s true but sex is a 2 person event so I do think sometimes women need to take back a bit of control for their own pleasure

SL2924 · 03/09/2025 09:18

It’s not your issue. It’s him. Lazy and crap in bed. I would dump and move on. Won’t get better.

Slabberon · 03/09/2025 09:22

He has no real interest in your pleasure, and this early in a relationship he should have. I’d get rid of him. It’s not going to get better and you deserve better than bad sex from someone who’s a selfish lover.
jaw ache. FFS! I’m gay, there’s no amount of ‘jaw ache’ that would mean I wouldn’t care if my partner didn’t have an orgasm!

rainbowunicorn22 · 03/09/2025 09:25

probably basing his idea of women cumming quicker based on porn. in that the women are cumming before they get their knickers down. he is being insensitive and crass. you need a better lover and mate

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 03/09/2025 09:25

MumWifeOther · 03/09/2025 09:10

Well yeah that’s true but sex is a 2 person event so I do think sometimes women need to take back a bit of control for their own pleasure

Show quote history

I assume you just worded this badly, since it's not bloody Brexit:😆

I agree with the sentiment that I think you mean, which is that we should be active participants in our own pleasure. I just think that it's a pointless exercise with a guy who is clearly demonstrating that he's got no interest in helping her achieve her pleasure.

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 09:28

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

I would advise to stop right now. You don't know him at all. Friendship first at least a year! Get to know someone slowly but surely, respect yrself my darling because yr body is the house of yr spirit and soul. You allowed this man to make you feel this way but you are worth more than that ,yr valuable and you must see your worth.

Sex belongs in marriage but this world we live in normalises it to be outside marriage and we all mostly are guilty of it. God bless and guide you dear sister.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/09/2025 09:28

He’s very very bad in bed and lying that women cum quickly trying to make you the problem not him. Why are you embarrassed when he is the one lacking the bedroom skills. IF he is otherwise perfect (and I doubt this I bed he is generally selfish) then you could try things like beducated to get him to improve and very very clear instructions but I don’t think you sound confident enough to take that on (no judgement I wouldn’t either)

silkypyjamas · 03/09/2025 09:30

glittercunt · 03/09/2025 00:23

Everyone is different. So his comment about other women is, asides from being insensitive, rather incorrect. It also makes me think other women have probably 'politely' faked it with him.

Totally!!!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 09:35

Yeah, it seems like she doesn't do much and expects men to just get aroused by pleasuring her.

I know women who really do expect their naked presence is enough foreplay, and allowing the guy to touch them should top that off.

I think your boyfriend has joined the thread @Popthetop5
🤣

LupaMoonhowl · 03/09/2025 09:37

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 09:35

Yeah, it seems like she doesn't do much and expects men to just get aroused by pleasuring her.

I know women who really do expect their naked presence is enough foreplay, and allowing the guy to touch them should top that off.

I think your boyfriend has joined the thread @Popthetop5
🤣

😂

Nanny0gg · 03/09/2025 09:45

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:27

I haven't had this issue before. I feel sad because I thought I'd met someone for the long term. But he seems to quick to get to the deed

Dump him

He's more bothered about him than you

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 09:46

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/09/2025 09:35

Yeah, it seems like she doesn't do much and expects men to just get aroused by pleasuring her.

I know women who really do expect their naked presence is enough foreplay, and allowing the guy to touch them should top that off.

I think your boyfriend has joined the thread @Popthetop5
🤣

Or just a woman who doesnt think getting naked equals foreplay.

Again gendered thinking. A women doesnt agree so it must be a man.

Sunbeam01 · 03/09/2025 09:50

It's certainly not you OP.

You have no reason to feel humiliated.

After 4 dates I'd move on...

FebruaryUsername · 03/09/2025 09:52

It's not you, it's him. I would try a sober conversation, where you explain what you need /what you enjoy, but if he doesn't care enough to implement that then you should bin him off.

theleafandnotthetree · 03/09/2025 09:55

glittercunt · 03/09/2025 00:23

Everyone is different. So his comment about other women is, asides from being insensitive, rather incorrect. It also makes me think other women have probably 'politely' faked it with him.

Definitely this, I had this with an ex boyfriend. After multiple comments to the effect of him never having had this problem before, I responded in kind by saying that they may well have been faking it. I didn't go so far as to tell him.that I had orgasmed relatively easily with some other boyfriends.

TheAmusedQuail · 03/09/2025 09:59

I think a lot of men are basing opinions on either women faking or porn. These men aren't interested in female pleasure other than for their ego. Not enough to actually do anything for their partner.

This is why they choose to say there is something wrong with her when she doesn't come in seconds.

Lazy and selfish men. Good lovers are aroused by their partners pleasure.

Porn has done this to him. Instant 'cumming' women. Death grip on his penis meaning he can't maintain an erection.

LBFseBrom · 03/09/2025 10:02

You need to feel free to express your personal preferences (was oral for ten minutes what you wanted, is that your idea of foreplay?), you can also lead by example, take the lead, caress and kiss him long and slow. However it takes time to get it all how you'd like it and having a lot to drink beforehand is extremely unhelpful.

Him saying women come quickly also doesn't help much, I doubt he really knows what he is talking about, there's so much more to making love than orgasm and it all starts in the mind. In any case women vary, you are an individual (so is he). He shouldn't be talking about how 'other women' perform and they may have been faking. That sounds very likely actually.

He sounds extremely immature, can you really be bothered? There are other fish in the sea.

TheAmusedQuail · 03/09/2025 10:04

theleafandnotthetree · 03/09/2025 09:55

Definitely this, I had this with an ex boyfriend. After multiple comments to the effect of him never having had this problem before, I responded in kind by saying that they may well have been faking it. I didn't go so far as to tell him.that I had orgasmed relatively easily with some other boyfriends.

Show quote history

If we told them this, it might make them realise they're crap in bed. Surely no bloke wants a rep as a shit lover?

Outside9 · 03/09/2025 10:06

Just sexually incompatible.

PeachBlossom1234 · 03/09/2025 10:12

Life is too short for bad sex....get rid

LillyPJ · 03/09/2025 10:18

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 09:28

I would advise to stop right now. You don't know him at all. Friendship first at least a year! Get to know someone slowly but surely, respect yrself my darling because yr body is the house of yr spirit and soul. You allowed this man to make you feel this way but you are worth more than that ,yr valuable and you must see your worth.

Sex belongs in marriage but this world we live in normalises it to be outside marriage and we all mostly are guilty of it. God bless and guide you dear sister.

Show quote history

'Sex belongs in marriage ' and we're 'guilty'? Really?! This is just too ridiculous to begin to argue with. I'm suspecting maybe religion has warped your thinking.

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 10:26

LillyPJ · 03/09/2025 10:18

'Sex belongs in marriage ' and we're 'guilty'? Really?! This is just too ridiculous to begin to argue with. I'm suspecting maybe religion has warped your thinking.

Show quote history

My mind is certainly not warped. Thanks for yr reply and God bless you as He has blessed me.

Mydahliasareshit · 03/09/2025 10:33

Maybe he had taken a viagra and it was wearing off OP. You do sound incompatible though.

TheAmusedQuail · 03/09/2025 10:38

Rezguli · 03/09/2025 09:28

I would advise to stop right now. You don't know him at all. Friendship first at least a year! Get to know someone slowly but surely, respect yrself my darling because yr body is the house of yr spirit and soul. You allowed this man to make you feel this way but you are worth more than that ,yr valuable and you must see your worth.

Sex belongs in marriage but this world we live in normalises it to be outside marriage and we all mostly are guilty of it. God bless and guide you dear sister.

Show quote history

This is religious claptrap. Stop what? Having sex ever? Not all women want to be married.

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