Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

[Popthetop5]

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

I agree. I bet they were faking it to get it over and done with. I’ve done this on numerous occasions and I’m sure lots of other women have too

Op please for the love of god block and delete this horrible man who left you feeling sad and ashamed.

Op you know what you have to do. You are a good person who deserves a man who wants you to feel good. Move on. You won't be lonely for long, nobody needs to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't even try to make you come.

Sorry OP, as it’s really shit when you like someone but he sounds shit in bed. When my husband and I first got together we used to spend HOURS shagging, we just couldn’t get enough of each other. And as others have said, wanting to make me feel good was as important to him (if not more so!) than his own pleasure. He never once compared me to other women or other experiences he’d had - your fella doing that is down to his own inadequacy imo. Chuck him back! 💪

If he's making this little effort this early, it will only get worse with time. Dump.

The most good looking man I ever went out with was the worst at sex with me anyway. He’s unwilling to learn what you want and not sure if it is the correct term but making it you feel like it is your fault because you are not like other women is that gaslighting you? Not sure.

’Oh well then I better come faster.’ Or is it perchance that they’re pretending to come to get it over with?

In the word of Mr Bull, ‘it will take as long as it takes.’

It’s not you with the issue.

He’s selfish now so it won’t improve.

If he said the moment was gone then that means he didn't enjoy doing the oral, it put him off. Honestly perhaps you're better off looking for someone more compact able with your needs.

NC for this one because I am so embarrassed for my former low standards.

For three months I persevered with a man who would only perform oral in 69. I once asked if he could just go down on me - I fancied a change, I wanted to enjoy the act without actively, simultaneously giving, I didn't want to have to contort myself, it was in the wider context of weekend sex in a hotel so I did not expect it to be a "one and done" situation.

He said out loud "Why would I just go down on you? What would I get out of it?". Honestly, it may have been one of the ickiest moments of my life. I am embarrassed because that was a full month before the actual break up.

As many PP have said, he is just not interested in your pleasure and as such, he does not deserve your time, energy, emotion, or access to your body.

Ignore anyone saying "you made it awkward" - talking about changing how someone has sex is awkward however you address it, probably more so if you don't have much of a foundation. It takes good will, humility, and a bit of willingness on both sides to have great sex. Perhaps in the moment he felt a bit inadequate, but good partners are able to say things like:

• I thought you liked x because y, is that not the case?
• Can you tell me what you need?
• How do you react when you like/dislike something? Are there cues I should get to know?
• Maybe we should just go back to making out and we'll figure it out together.
• Can you share something you imagine, and maybe we can work that act/sensation in?
• If you/I get carried away when x is happening, maybe we should dial it down and focus on only doing y until we're both onthe same page.

His reaction does not give me hope for improvement.

I was very close when he stopped.

Argh I hate it when they do that.
Or at least years ago, when dating, I hated it. I've been married for a gazillion years.

He had no interest in getting himself hard again I could tell.

Twat. Him, not you @Popthetop5

I've never experienced a man being all about speed.

That's the hallmark of a selfish, not very good lover. Pleasing himself, then he's done.
Not good.

I think you need to get rid of this bloke, OP, and start looking again. You tried to tell him what you needed and he actually didn't care. Not only that, he told you that it was your fault for your not having an orgasm. Other women do........... or so he says. What an idiot.

He's also battling an ex over a child that's not his that he's trying to see still.
She was all for it but now she knows we talk, she's got mean.

Or so he says.

Honestly, these men and their horrible exes.........

Red flag central.

"He told me he's quite good in bed"

He really isn't!

I’d be willing to bet my life savings the other women were fast because they were faking it to get a shit, perfunctory shag over with as quickly as possible.

"He told me he's quite good in bed"

Fucksake, did he indeed?
🤣🤣

Or that he was simply lying.

It’s him. Not you. He sounds awful.

He said he was good in bed! Says who?
Comparing you to —fictional— other women?
Not on!
Sounds very insecure and selfish.
I only recently met a very quiet and shy man in his late 50s who has only ever had sex with one other woman… and he is sensational -gets pleasure from my pleasure and always makes sure I am taken care at least once before PIV, which has ironically led to me now able for the first time in my life also being able to come through the ensuing PIV /extraordinary.
Please do drop this one /you are still young (I’m 64 and wasted years having bad sex) and there will be many better options out there for you x

My most recent ex would listen, do what I'd showed him, I'd be loving it, and then the next time, it was back to the stuff he liked. Some of which I liked too, but it was always his preference. I got fed up with it in the end. Like, it's meant to be mutual pleasure.

Nah, don’t bother with this guy. He finds doing something for you to be a turn off. Selfish and shit in bed.

No I wouldn’t call this a long sex session.

Why don’t you take the lead and build up lust by not allowing penetration until you’re adequately turned on? Kissing, touching, feeling, just tell him he has to wait.. it’s all part of the fun.

I disagree with others on some points, I think 10 minutes of oral sex is quite long - were you giving him any indication that you were really enjoying it and close to orgasming? If I was giving a bloke a blow job for 10 minutes and getting nothing back, not even any encouragement then tbh I'd be over it too.

I don't think 20 minutes is hugely short for sex, although I could easily spend just that amount of time just kissing. I think you both really need to work on your communication though, especially if you have to have a drink before you can even say you'd like more foreplay. I think all through sex at the beginning you need to be communicating while you work out what you both like and what works for each other.

Anyone telling you that they're good in bed though should be firmly on the twat list and not be entertained in your bed.

He thinks he's good in bed because all of his past lovers have learned to fake an orgasm quickly to get it over and done with.

They didn't do you or him any favours, but you can do yourself one now. Trust me, as somebody who has had various experiences, life is too damn short to stay with somebody who is not a generous lover.

Because ultimately she'd be doing it with a partner who has no interest in her sexual pleasure. We don't need to entertain such selfish men, they're 10 a penny and not worth that.

I really get this. My most recent ex I actually thought was good in bed and he thought he was amazing, he was great at oral but after a while that seemed to get less and it was more about him on top or him wanting sex in the middle of the night which was just spooning. It had never occurred to him to do things like a woman on top or to try anything else, he didn't even believe women could orgasm with piv - well no you on top all the time is pretty boring. I have had exes who have been able to do this. I did feedback to him but he just didn't get it.