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Original poster

Feel stupid after sex on 4th date

253 replies

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:14

Was hoping I'd found a potential relationship as its been great. Flowers etc.

Slept together twice now. He does little foreplay before penetrative sex. He doesn't last long enough to try finish before him. We had a few drinks tonight and I had the confidence to ask him to do more foreplay on me as he barely tried before piv. He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

I felt mortified and sad because I was confident tonight and thought we were getting into it
I feel humiliated any advice. We were at it for about 20 minutes a variety of things. Help

OP posts:
JillyGiraffe · 03/09/2025 07:14

That comment - awful! Don’t believe for a second you’re the problem. He’s selfish in bed and I’d go as far to say he doesn’t care about your feelings at all.

casualcrispenjoyer · 03/09/2025 07:17

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:39

So we were kissing and he removed some of my clothes for about 5 or so minutes. Went through to room. He went down on me for 2 minutes then wanted piv. After a few mins I switched position but realistically new it wasn't enough stimulation for me. So I said can you play with me for abit. I did give him a little oral but when he gave me it the position didn't allow me to do things to him.

I was very close when he stopped, he then said the moment was gone and he felt shit. He had no interest in getting himself hard again I could tell. I've never experienced a man being all about speed.

I thought it was fun to mix it up abit not just piv. He's also quite small compared to my past.

I don't know what he did for his ex because he's not very attentive.

Am I pretty normal or do most women finish in 10 minutes with a newish lover. He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough.

so he’s not attractive and bad in bed

when you need a bit more, he blames you and compares you to other women

ignore the sunk costs fallacy. it’s been 4 dates. Chuck him back.

It would be madness to stick around and give him another chance. He’s shown you who he is- sexually selfish and insecure. This isn’t someone for the long term.

factor50fan · 03/09/2025 07:18

Advice is to dump him. The ‘women usually come quickly’ comment is an attempt to push responsibility onto you, for his failure to sexually satisfy you.

He’s sexually selfish and blames others instead of taking responsibility.

He’s is not a man to form a relationship with.

Original poster
Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 07:22

He's attractive i said attentive i think.

I thought we were having good sex until he acted like that. Thats the funny part i thought this is better than the first two times.

Yes flowers and early dates are effort more than declarations.

He's also battling an ex over a child thats not his that he's trying to see still. She was all for it but now she knows we talk she's got mean.

I think going back to lonely is my only choice. Lol.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 03/09/2025 07:25

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 05:39

So we were kissing and he removed some of my clothes for about 5 or so minutes. Went through to room. He went down on me for 2 minutes then wanted piv. After a few mins I switched position but realistically new it wasn't enough stimulation for me. So I said can you play with me for abit. I did give him a little oral but when he gave me it the position didn't allow me to do things to him.

I was very close when he stopped, he then said the moment was gone and he felt shit. He had no interest in getting himself hard again I could tell. I've never experienced a man being all about speed.

I thought it was fun to mix it up abit not just piv. He's also quite small compared to my past.

I don't know what he did for his ex because he's not very attentive.

Am I pretty normal or do most women finish in 10 minutes with a newish lover. He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough.

He sounds a combination of very lame and lazy in bed, selfish in bed, egotistical (wanting to believe that 2 minutes of his mighty penis inside you should make you instantly quiver), and extremely immature for a man in his late 30’s/40’s (again, getting upset that you want to also stimulate yourself and that his mighty penis isn’t enough- a very large majority of women would do the same).
For context, I can only orgasm with a toy helping out with clitoral stimulation. Even then it will still take me ages. My DH will happily (and I mean happily!) continue to please me for as long as it takes (with some pleasing him along the way!), before we move on to “his turn”. No, most women do not orgasm in ten minutes without any other stimulation or foreplay.
Hell always be a boring, lazy, egotistical lover I’m afraid, throw this one back.

TwinklyWrinkly · 03/09/2025 07:32

@Popthetop5
He gave me oral for about ten mins and then complained of jaw ache and the moment being gone. He told me women usually cum fast,

"Yes, it's strange, I usually cum faster with other men, you just aren't very good".

Bye bye.

petiteoeuf · 03/09/2025 07:32

yeah he’s just bad in bed and has had other women fake it because he’s bad in bed.

AltitudeCheck · 03/09/2025 07:37

Perhaps he has problems keeping it up so wants to progress to PIV before he loses it? He sounds very insecure if you touching yourself is an issue for him. I don't think there's much hope that he'll suddenly become a less selfish/ more secure/ more generous lover... think I'd put this one back in the sea!

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 07:40

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:36

We are 36 and 40 with kids. It's not a lack of experience my ex made me get there everytime. Because I have had a drink I was more confident which made me think we were experimenting and doing lots of different stuff, I wasn't expecting this

Show quote history

What things do you do to him?

No3392 · 03/09/2025 07:41

Lazy and selfish in bed, life is too short!

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 03/09/2025 07:41

Age has nothing to do with it. Id say im experienced as i was married a long time i am 35 with kids. However i am very inexperienced with different men etc. Its a learning curve. A more experienced woman on here told me. Get yourself warmed up before you start with it with or without him. Use a bullet during etc. He isn't your ex

ILoveWhales · 03/09/2025 07:42

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:36

We are 36 and 40 with kids. It's not a lack of experience my ex made me get there everytime. Because I have had a drink I was more confident which made me think we were experimenting and doing lots of different stuff, I wasn't expecting this

Show quote history

OK, so you've compared him to your ex? And he's not as good.You didn't do it to his face but still your comparing.

He's compared due to other women, and he's had no problem getting other women off

Maybe you just don't work together.

nomas · 03/09/2025 07:43

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 07:40

What things do you do to him?

Show quote history

She already explained in her posts.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 03/09/2025 07:43

Also look at the younger men. Ive got loads of 26 27 year old men really trying to get me into bed on bumble. Ive got 2 wealthy old money men wanting to take me to rome despite not knowing me haha

nomas · 03/09/2025 07:45

ILoveWhales · 03/09/2025 07:42

OK, so you've compared him to your ex? And he's not as good.You didn't do it to his face but still your comparing.

He's compared due to other women, and he's had no problem getting other women off

Maybe you just don't work together.

Show quote history

What’s wrong with comparing him to her ex? It’s good OP knows what she wants, and this man isn’t it.

Of course he’s going to say he’s good in bed and has got loads of women off, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Damnloginpopup · 03/09/2025 07:46

"He seemed insecure over me touching myself to he asked if hes not enough."

Uh...you said it...

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 07:49

nomas · 03/09/2025 07:43

She already explained in her posts.

Show quote history

Yeah it seems like she doesnt do much and expects men to just get aroused by pleasuring her. I know women 3ho really do expect their naked presence is enough foreplay and allowing the guy to touch them should top that off.

Owly11 · 03/09/2025 07:50

You need to talk about it with him if you are still interested in a relationship with him. How that conversation goes will give you a lot more information about him and whether you want to proceed than asking on here. It sounds to me as the difficulty lies in the give and take. First he was solely focused on his pleasure and then the latest time you were solely focused on your pleasure. Certainly on his side there was no pleasure in your pleasure and maybe that’s the same the other way round too. It can take time to learn about each other’s bodies and there’s a lot of fun in the process if you have good communication.

mcmooberry · 03/09/2025 07:52

Yes it's disappointing if the dates have been great but, honestly, last night was a total dealbreaker, he sounds awful.

Imbusytodaysorry · 03/09/2025 07:54

Popthetop5 · 03/09/2025 00:21

What from kissing foreplay then sex

Show quote history

I disagree with this op. 20 minutes is just getting started especially in a new relationship .

He sounds selfish . Not a chance if he feeling mortified . He clearly isn’t use to a confident women and was defensive . He gave up with a hurt ego .

Getting to know one another properly takes time . I’m he is /was that into you he would want to please you and not just himself .
Or maybe it says more about him personally.
Anyone selfish in day to day life is not going to be the best lover in bed .

Lubilu02 · 03/09/2025 07:58

Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

It's not easy finding someone compatible once we have kids.

I'm sure it made him a bit insecure not making you finish. You are both still in that new stage where things can still be a bit uncomfortable to discuss. That added with the stress in his life you've spoken about, makes the idea of him losing his drive plausible.

Give him another chance.

FlatFlatEric · 03/09/2025 07:59

I've been out of the dating game by absolute choice for over 10 years. Is "flowers etc" considered good relationship material?

Imbusytodaysorry · 03/09/2025 08:01

@Popthetop5 this is all about his ego op!
Also very selfish and childish attitude to think giving you ten minutes attention and “what did I get “
I wouldn’t let this guy out you off meeting someone .
He will be away in the huff and being quiet . Expecting you to be ok the back foot and apologising . Do not do this . Stand your ground. Two adults should be able to talk about the sex they like. It shouldn’t be him taking your body and pleasing himself and leaving you there frustrated.

YourGladSquid · 03/09/2025 08:03

You two sound really incompatible, OP, I don’t think I’d give him a chance as sexual compatibility is essential.

I agree with a PP, he probably has some issues and that’s why he’s rushing to PIV. Deciding to make you feel shit about it is not the way and would be a dealbreaker.

Like another PP said I wouldn’t discount younger men 👀 DP is younger than me, I was very reluctant initially but it’s been 3 years of very, very good sex.

BeansMeansFarts · 03/09/2025 08:05

Can’t believe he said that to you. Yuk! Don’t waste anymore time with him. He sounds like a dickless dick.