Husband is unrecognisable

[phlebasconsidered]

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

Not the same but I have spent tonight worrying about the Stop the Boats racist nonsense being spouted by my 13 year old son and (he says) 98% of his friends. I am desperately trying to consider how to challenge his non critical thinking without pushing him further to the far right. He is an adopted white boy with emotional issues which makes him so vulnerable to this kind of radicalisation. The UK is very frightening right now

My FIL is this way inclined, but honestly I think he says it for the reaction. We just agree to not discuss politics at all, because it undoubtedly never ends well. Is that an option at all for you? Agree to disagree, even though you think his opinions are ridiculous.

I feel for you though, if my DH started talking like that I don’t think I’d want to be around him tbh.

It's not though is it

The OP got along with her husband for years despite them having differing political views

The issue is that he has recently and quickly become an extremist and extremists are useful idiots to fascism

Many of us do have daughters. Brown skinned British women / girls who are now suffering a massive uptick in racism, because of the right-wing bullshit being thrown around.

This IS just racism. Yaxley-Lennon and his black shirts aren't just anti immigrant, they're anti anyone who isn't white.

But presumably the only daughters you're concerned about are the white ones? Any other colour is the wrong colour and is ripe for a Reform Party kicking.

Indeed.

Whilst I appreciate you trying to see both sides, the OP is the classic academia snob who does not believe anyone without a degree could possibly understand a situation better than her. She later goes on to mention that he probably can’t have made adequate conclusions based on his own research because he hasn’t been taught how to research.

It’s incredibly condescending and snobby to those people who are contributing to society without a degree. Maybe OP could widen her virtue signalling and try and listen to those outside her circle on why they may have concerns. That’s true diversity of opinion and having a reasonable discussion. Or is the OP actually subtlety admitting that no matter what you do in life, if you aren’t in her circle you can’t be trusted to have an opinion that matters? The optics are terrible.

The reason the right are getting more extreme is due to the attitudes displayed by people like the OP. This is what has led to things like these marches being organised, i shouldn’t have to say this but I will - I can’t stand Tommy Robinson but it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain why he’s alluring to those being ignored by the Institutions (including academia).

There’s no reasoning with a someone indoctrinated by the far right. But you don’t want to be tarnished by association.
Being married to someone like this must be unbearable. It would really bring me down mentally and emotionally. I’d be wondering if I might have a happier life as a single person, who can go on to
meet and spend time with positive thinking, politically aligned people who would be more interesting to me.

Wow.

From the thugs who scream abuse at innocent people outside hotels (that is when they're not setting fire to them), square up and throw things at the police, and 40% of whom are convicted domestic abusers... right?

The common factor is always YouTube. Algorithms to drive engagement are the worst thing to happen to our society. Probably TikTok is the same for young ones.

I am on the left & so is my partner & this is very important to me. Your husband & I would not agree in our political views! However I do think the impression given in your posts is one of deep contempt for him. This isn’t a good thing in itself, plus contempt will make these issues far worse & push him further into the Yaxley-Lennon corner.

I don’t think you can see this because when picked up on it by PP your response seems to be rather along the lines of ‘no, you don’t understand, he really is a despicable common uneducated thicko’ 😬.

(I’m thinking of the references to lack of critical thinking, lack of education, labelling him as fascist etc. And honestly, I had to choke a bit at the idea that universities - creatures of the state & political orthodoxy, for the obedient middle classes to learn their place in the power structure - teach critical thinking whereas the building site does not!)

I think it very likely - inevitable really- that your husband has noticed this contempt and that if so it will have entrenched his views still further. In this sense it may well be that your own attitude is a big part of what is radicalising him. Nobody likes to be despised, particularly in their own home. Can you take a step back and think about this? And about what on your part may be involved in driving this contempt?

Some of us do 😊

Legal immigration is wonderful and provides skills we need and opportunities for people to contribute to the UK as a whole. Legal immigration in other countries opens the doors for UK citizens to emigrate and contribute to other nations.

Illegal immigration causes a host of issues as we are seeing. The UK have been more than tolerant and welcoming for many, many years but we are at the point of collapse now and it needs to end.

I would like to emigrate to Australia but I have none of the skills they need, am too old to be wanted there, and have medical conditions they don’t wish to support. I have to accept this. Never in a million years could I hope to just sneak in and be welcomed, housed, fed and able to live there. People have tried in the past and been deported or sent away before even setting foot on land. There was no international, or national, outrage at this.

Legal immigration and illegal immigration are two very different things. People are not racist, fascist, Nazis or right wing bigots when they declare of illegal immigration in the UK ‘enough is enough’. They are trying to prevent a further, fatal, decline of the UK and ensure the current population have access to the necessary resources before we are stretched too thin and the whole nation collapses.

If previous and current governments had dealt with the situation properly - and in the same manner as the majority of other countries have and do - no one would need to protest. They didn’t and people now want them to sit up, take notice and ACT in the best interests of current UK citizens and their descendants.

It’s not a race issue, a labour issue, a conservative issue or anything other than a current and future issue, and it needs resolving before it’s too late. We are a hugely over-populated tiny island and should behave as one.

Tattoo Dave's words, not mine (minus the swearing).

If you’re protesting outside a migrant hotel, here's some food for thought. In the most recent race riots 47 out of 151 people arrested had prior convictions for domestic abuse. In the race riots in Northern Ireland recently, almost half the rioters, 48%, had prior convictions for domestic abuse. It should be pointed out as well, a quarter of all of the Reform members of parliament have convictions for domestic abuse.

So while you’re protesting about supposedly needing to protect women from migrants these are the scumbags that you're standing shoulder to shoulder with. It's not about protecting women at all really. Just call it what it is.
You're afraid of people with different skin colours, different religions and a different culture from you. It's racism. Just call it what it is.

But here's the thing. When November comes, Remembrance Day, when we remember our fallen soldiers that have fought and died for this country. You bring out your poppies, your virtual signalling poppies that you wear. You don't get to do that anymore because those soldiers fought and died fighting against racism, bigotry, intolerance, fascism and Nazism. Remember who the people you stand with are and the racist, bigoted, intolerant, fascist attitudes that they hold. Remember who you're standing with. You’re standing against our fallen soldiers who gave their lives by fighting and dying for the things you’re supporting.

Data backs up that working class children are less likely to go to university for a myriad of reasons. I think that unless you were brought up in that environment, you wouldn’t understand the need to be financially independent so soon.

There will be many virtue signalling about socio economic mobility or how it’s not right most of our government went to private school… but at the same time those who didn’t have higher education don’t have the critical thinking skills to be taken seriously on their own opinions?

There is a deep rooted snobbery with graduates that most of us have come across in our working lives.

leave the twat

It's Facebook too, not just Youtube. That's where my aunt has picked it all up from. The algorithm is very very good and has been designed for this.

People throw the word 'fascist' around these days It's lazy and has lost its meaning.
Give this guy some slack - ok you don't like his beliefs, maybe he doesn't agree with yours

Of course there’s more to life than politics but your political beliefs are often the foundation to who you are, your outlook on life etc.

Most of our current government went to state schools.

They really do walk among us don’t they. Jesus. Some of these comments.

Maybe they need protecting from the apparent hard working family men who love this country who are… checks notes… vandalising roundabouts with spray paint at 2am.

Legal immigration and illegal immigration are two very different things

Indeed, just a pity that the people at these protests repeatedly demonstrate that they have no understanding of what the latter actually is.

People are not racist, fascist, Nazis or right wing bigots when they declare of illegal immigration in the UK ‘enough is enough’

No, they're just ignorant...

They are trying to prevent a further, fatal, decline of the UK and ensure the current population have access to the necessary resources before we are stretched too thin and the whole nation collapses

...because none of this is down to immigration, and "stopping the boats" wont make the blindest bit of difference.

If these "protests" were genuine, they'd be shouting and screaming about decades of government underinvestment in housing and public sector services, the refusal to adequately tax business, and the widespread theft and misappropriation of public funds by politicians and their cronies, but no, its all the fault of brown people coming here on boats.

There is, unfortunately, a growing element of "my ignorance is just as valid as your informed opinion" in the UK. It's been the way in the US for years, and we seem to be falling prey to it now ourselves.

Calling people out for spouting ignorant garbage isn't "intolerance", it's calling out ignorant, incendiary arseholes for being arseholes.

This nonsense of “oh but this is to protect our women!” when multiple women’s groups have said how their cause is being weaponised by the far right. It’s bullshit, isn’t it?

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-and-100-vawg-organisations-issue-letter-of-solidarity-with-jess-phillips-mp-following-far-right-and-misogynistic-attacks/

Hmmm because men are doing such a great job managing the country and the problems they caused. Oh wait a minute 🤯

It always baffles me when so called feminists tarnish anyone with a view on ILLEGAL immigration as a fascist or racist.

I have lived in numerous Islamic countries and was married to an Arab. Unless you have actually lived in these countries and experienced the culture first hand then you will never understand. I have came across some horror stories. You just need to look at Afghanistan (where I have also been before anyone tries to brand me as an uneducated fascist). Woman are banned from speaking in public places, alongside many other disgusting laws.

Of course not all Muslim men (I have met many lovely ones and have a lot of female Muslim friends) but a considerable amount see white European woman as trash, especially English ones. Even my Muslim female friends warned me of this before I married but I was young and stupid at the time and didn't listen.

I have no problem with legal immigration. When I applied for my XH spouse visa, it was a very invasive process. Everything was checked and you needed to provide many documents.

With these men that are coming over on a boat and throwing their documents into the sea, we could be letting extremists or rapists into the country without our knowledge.