Husband is unrecognisable

[phlebasconsidered]

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

It's highly unlikely, but has his change of views come at the same time as a medication change? Or has he become more angry generally? There are medical conditions and treatments that cause personality changes so if his behaviour has changed so rapidly it might be something to keep an eye on. As I say, very unlikely but not totally impossible.

People like me? Who have actually lived in Arab countries and experienced the culture first hand? I’ve also seen the Facebook groups where they literally discuss this and ask for advice on how to fiddle the system. If you don’t speak Arabic then you probably will never come across these groups.

I pop onto the Daily Mail website most days to read their take on the news and today I counted 10 articles on immigration, all with masses of comments most of which assume that all immigrants are scrounging sexual predators. No debate, no analysis of how we got here, no balance and exchange of views. And as for some of the stuff on YouTube, even the Mail would draw the line at the views expressed by some the so called "citizen journalists" who spout some of the most repulsive opinions I have ever heard. Just one example was the harrassment and mockery of a Muslim woman weating a hijab There is one I watch as he films in my city and it is fascinating in an appalling way. He is rude and confrontational yet gets thousands of views with people commenting what a "tell it how is" hero he is. If all somone wants to do is watch and read stuff like this, there is a bottomless pit of of it available online

I've seen both sides. I've lived through a war, watching horrified as the UK Government spent literally millions of taxpayer's money funding that war until they got the result they (the UK) wanted. All motivated by political gain. The UK were literally paying mercenaries (quite a few of them British born) who had absolutely no vetting and who were motivated purely by greed, money, violence and death. Even heads of the British Army were warning against funding these maniacs. That didn't stop the British Government.
It was a war which was marked by the most horrific atrocities. (including against women and children) In fact it still is, and the British Government are STILL ploughing millions into it.
The British Government labelled the mercenaries as 'freedom' fighters to get public support, and watching the media narrative in the UK, but actually living through the hell was a real eye opener.
I've done much research. And the UK regularly fights wars by proxy. It does eventually come back to bite you in the bum. But blame the Government for that. The Government creates the narrative and the public fall for it every. single. time.
If you look at at the statistics for most of these countries, asylum applications before British intervention (or warmongering) was actually pretty low. (I've researched)
The public should be calling out the Government and telling them to quit spending millions upon millions of the taxpayer's money on fuelling wars, and using taxpayer's money to sort out it's own country's back yard instead.

So Tommy Robinson the big racist sees things for what they are? Yeah sure keep telling yourself that.

I hear you. Some good friends of mine suddenly seem to be upfront and proud racists and bigots and Trump supporters to boot. I can’t listen to them any more. It is as if Farage and Brexit are dragging the UK further and further to the right. Luckily my husband still generally aligns with me. There is a load of rubbish on you tube these days all unverified.

It's not really about intelligence; it's about values. Tommy Robinson's values are so opposite to mine that I couldn't be with someone who supported him.

There are some extreme left wingers who give me the creeps in a similar way- e.g. George Galloway, so it's not even just a left/right distinction.

“YouTube’, ‘Brits’ news, ‘or whatever that bilge is”.

Where do you get your source of political information from, OP? I’m asking as finding out information from sources other than MSM is absolutely crucial to form a balanced opinion on any topic. Platforms like Talk TV/Radio expose politicians for lying, backtracking on their promises and various other issues that are hidden from us by say, BBC or ITV. On another note, I work with the general public (a highly educated ABC1 demographic) in an area where the population is extremely wealthy/farming/agriculture based. You have no idea how what I would describe as the ‘silent majority’ feel about mainstream politics at the moment, and how the Government (not just the current shit show) are seemingly putting everyone apart from their own citizens first. Many people are struggling financially with the cost of living. To see migrants on TikTok (who have paid many £1000k to people traffickers, boasting about their new found luxuries in a 4* hotel, or most recently, brand new homes with underfloor heating, for which they are paying higher rate tax and the rest, is not going down well round here. I don’t think on that makes anyone feeling that way, far right’, nor does being concerned about your own daughter, should one of the migrant hotels open up near you. There is a hotel a few miles from here that impacts one of my employees and her friends teenage DDs. They used to be able to walk to the local shopping centre, but need to pass the hotel in order to get there. Illegal immigrants (all men) are hanging outside, day and night. How would you feel if that were you, OP?

We blame the disintegration of the Tories, There is hardly any alternative to Left of Centre ideas. So the many go towards Reform. Reform is not a full political party yet, it is work in progress. If it holds together for 10 years more it will be on the way to maturity.
Labelling Reform as Far Right has not put people off. That insult has backfired and made some people dig their heels in and resist.
We are very aware of the misinformation and broken promises of Labour. We did not expect Starmer to stop immigration or smash the gangs. He has not even tried. They are going to accelerate granting visas to Gazans and Palestinian students.

We have joined the Conservative Party. But it seems just a faint hope of them getting many MPs after the next GE. I despair, not because of the Reform policies but because they will all be novices.

I’m in a similar boat!! And the worst part is that DP isn’t really understanding the impact it’s having on us, he thinks I’m just mildly annoyed. I’m not annoyed at all, I’m sad because I’m starting to perceive him as really fucking dumb, starting to verge on embarrassing.

He’s not too far gone (yet!) and he does a lot of volunteering and community work, but some of the people from his church that he hangs out with are obviously filling his head and he’s going right along with it.

ok - I do not completely disagree with you, but that is a separate argument.

Broadly (again) if we didn't believe that universities improve critical thinking there would be no point to them at all. No-one hires a geography graduate for their geography skills - it's because they've been taught to critically analyse the available information and its relevance to a particular question or goal.

It's therefore illogical to argue that there's no difference in the critical thinking ability of those that went to university and those that didn't.

At the same time, it's perfectly possible to be objectively intelligent but to have critical thinking skills which have not been developed (perhaps because of class-based lack of access).

And thinking about OP's situation, there is also a particular form of objective intelligence which you could relate to competition and survival - one which has less to do with critical thinking and more to do with understanding your niche and having a real drive to succeed which can mean people without a university education can be very very very successful.

No-one should sneer at this kind of intelligence - it's incredibly valuable.

But it still doesn't mean that at population level, critical thinking skills are interchangeable with those of a graduate.

Exact same thing is happening in my relationship, my partner and I have been together 10 years, 2 young kids..I'm left and he's always been a bit more right but it still worked and our fundamental values aligned..not any more, he spends all his time watching right wing videos, justifying the marches and hate towards people, he will not see a different view point and I don't know who he is anymore..he doesn't understand my job and that I work in the the world he knows nothing about and cannot ever justify right wing hate and racism.

The whole thing is fucking terrifying. Been out to the local city for an event, driving home the number of flags is really stunning. I feel like i am living in 1930s Germany.

Agree. This won't happen though. They honestly believe their own superiority and are actually incapable of even trying to understand another point of view.
I agree with another poster that it is vile and elitist and MN is full ot them.

My DH (71 retired) is just the same it seems to be a pattern at the moment watching Youtube for hours about Tommy Robinson . Even My DSS seems to be going the same way at 48. I dont have any answers just wanted to commiserate .

Why does being right wing and concerned about immigration make you racist? Imo its sneering like this that is pushing people even more to the right!

Right wing nut jobs concerned about issues created by Right wing nut jobs. ie brexit and 14 years of Tory. This is gross stupidity at its best. Equivalent to "I shat in my bed and don't like it, who can I blame?"

I don’t think it’s even about university per se, I know lots of engineering graduates without critical thinking skills.

You need to have studied subjects like English, economics, politics, philosophy and law that require students research and articulate different views and come to conclusions based on evidence and argument to develop the type of critical thinking skills that are really useful in this context.

God help us when the above students all just use AI for all their essays though.

You're not alone OP.

In a very short space of time - literally just weeks - my DP has turned into someone who can't say a sentence about, well, anything really without shoehorning in something to do with migrants. He watches YouTube videos about protests constantly. Funny thing is, one of his close pals parents also migrated here years ago. This friend goes to protest at the hotel a couple of miles away and sends DP videos too which riles him up even more.

Like others partners on here he is very black and white about it, my view that there are some concerns with some of those who come here is no longer acceptable to him apparently, I should be completely anti-immigration full stop.

I feel like its definitely going to come to a head with us soon. Im just grateful DCs are also of the view that he is full of shit about it and getting far too pushy with his views 😔

why so offended?
critical thinking is a skill like anything else.

Some people are naturally more intelligent than others. Some people are naturally better at sports. Some people are funnier than others. Some are more empathetic. You can often learn to become better at most things if you recognise you struggle with them but many people might never want/need to.

There's no reason why OP (who, unlike you actually knows her DH, including his strengths and weaknesses) highlighting a statement of fact - her DH doesn't have a natural ability for critical thinking and hasn't had any cause or desire to try and improve it, should be 'vile' and 'elitist', any more than if she said 'he's not very good at riding a bike and because he's always driven he's never had cause to practice.' Or 'he's not very musical and he's never wanted or needed to learn to play an instrument.' Or 'he's not a naturally empathetic person and tbh he doesn't really try to understand other people's feelings if he disagrees with them.'

In fact you could argue that it's MORE elitist to value intelligence so highly that it's considered objectively 'better' (and therefore someone who isn't intelligent must automatically be inferior) than other, equally worthy, skills and attributes.

ps, what has open borders got to do with being a socialist?

I don't know what your talking about exactly, but have you seen these figures?

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/migrants-detected-crossing-the-english-channel-in-small-boats/migrants-detected-crossing-the-english-channel-in-small-boats-last-7-days

An insane amount of people are coming here illegally and the government can't seen to organise a piss up in a brewery with regards to doing something about it.

It's low now, but only last month and the months before, there were hundreds, sometimes about a thousand arriving on a single day alone, mostly consisting of men from countries where women's rights are questionable or dire. Keep checking that link over the next few months.

The country going downhill hasn’t been caused by immigrants though...

Many people are struggling financially with the cost of living. To see migrants on TikTok (who have paid many £1000k to people traffickers, boasting about their new found luxuries in a 4 star hotel, or most recently, brand new homes with underfloor heating, for which they are paying higher rate tax and the rest, is not going down well round here

Do you understand that for the most part, the reason these "4 star hotels" are now housing migrants is because their former market has completely evaporated, their former business models are no longer viable, and they are taking in migrants because the govt pays them a standard rate to do so. They are no longer recognisable as what is thought to be an actual 4 star hotel, because they've cut costs to the bone and haven't been functioning as 4 star accommodation in years, but I'm pretty certain if you've come here from a middle-eastern country where folk have been living in tents and having barrel-bombs dropped on their heads, then they will still appear pretty "luxurious" to you even though you are sharing one room with three other total strangers.

brand new homes with underfloor heating

Would it be more acceptable if the LA was, for some reason, building new housing with open fires, chimneys, and coal cellars?

Yeah, it's like when the British Government declared war on Iraq over 'WMD's' and the UK had over 50,000 'freeloading' Iraqis at it's front door claiming asylum. Meanwhile, Tony Blair sits on his £100 million fortune laughing at the 'paupers' squabbling over Iraq v.2, v.3 v.4.....
You might want to research just how many (multi) £millions the UK has spent funding proxy wars in the last ten years alone. Just for political gain.
Had they saved that money and invested it in British people, the UK would be richer, more educated and there would be a lot less of the 'freeloading' asylum seekers.