Photo posted of children without my consent

[OneCalmReader]

Hi,
I recently posted about my Narcissistic MIL. She had got angry about me not posting a photograph of her hijacking my two DDs first look at my wedding. She ruined part of my day by sabotaging a first look between my DDs and she can’t seem to understand why I am upset about it and she decided to call me horrible names and say things to belittle me.
Well, yesterday she changed her profile photo on Facebook to the photo I never wanted to post. It wasn’t supposed to happen and she had access to it from a private album of our wedding photos. Where do I stand with this? I have reported it to Facebook for violating my privacy as I haven’t given her consent to post an image of myself and my children, but I haven’t heard anything back yet. I’m just not sure how to take further action.

It's his mother?

A war about the "first look" 😂😂😂

My MIL went against my wishes.

Oh, call the cops!

I'm on team MIL.

Forgive her. But also cut her off ...no decent mil would insult dil or barge onto doing things with the kids the mother doesn't approve of

With people who had been sat around all morning watching her get ready. So they had already seen her hair and makeup and probably went dress shopping so had seen that too.

In most normal homes I can imagine that your mother in law was with the children whilst you got ready. Then she walked in with them to see you and took some photographs.

I think a lot of it is a case of who are you trying to convince?

The amount of people I know who have posted on their social media about how blissfully happy they are, tagging the “love of my life” in check-in’s and pictures etc and meanwhile they’re divorced six months later.

Or wedding vow renewals. Most of them happen after one or other partner has cheated. After all, given your vows state “until death us do part” if you’ve not died then there’s no need for a renewal, so the only conclusion you can reach is that it’s the marriage that died and needs renewing.

It’s all just so superficial mostly because people don’t want to admit to have failing relationships.

Gawd. Have they lost sight of the fact that a wedding isn't a staged show, it's meant to be a solemn ceremony where two people commit themselves to each other for life?

Nobody should put a clear picture of anyone on their Facebook profile without permission.

You do sound like you have it in for your MIL though and a bit too over sensitive about image etc.

People aren't "triggered", they're aghast at your ridiculous first look obsession.

I think the point is if you’re the sort of person who hires a content creator for their wedding photos/videos on social media then you’re fairly likely to be the kind of person who might be over sensitive about things that aren’t really important (eg Mil ruining a first look- whatever that is and whyever an 11yo is aware and wants one).

Really? I am a wedding photographer and content creators are very popular, they capture small videos of your day, oh and first look with kids or parents is absolutely normal, they’re not staged and it’s an important part of a brides day IMO. OP your MIL was waaay out of order!!

Sorry, what?

A normal thing in US weddings

Well that explains it

l know what a first look is. Too American for me and I thought they were for the husband to have the first look?

Anyway, the fact that you wanted to have this first look photographed and had a content creator shows you were going to put them on social media anyway. You are just upset your MIL is in the photos and you aren’t able to post them on social media are you a wanna be influencer?

Surely your daughter saw you getting ready?

I would let it go. The most important thing is you got married. All the social media bit isn’t real life and not worth putting all your emotions on.

And - people who do the job aside - a bit of a narcisist yourself? Maybe OP and MIL are a little too alike to get on?

When I got married we didn't have content creators, first looks, videos, wedding favours, speshul white covers and ribbons for chairs, evening dos, save the date cards, week long hen dos (or in fact any hen do at all), and a host of other crap that people seem to feel forced to spend money on now. And you know what? It was an incredibly moving, special day.

Honestly, people falling for all this need to be aware that it's basically just another way to part you from a lot of money. You don't need a content creator, full stop. Keep the money for the honeymoon, or better still, for your first home.

I’m not sure the MIL is the one at fault here. Who talks about wedding “content creators” and “first look” whatever that means. You sound extremely self absorbed OP. Are you sure it’s your MIL who’s narcissistic?

And in a few years this will be a normal part of life over here just like all the other money leaching crap we have inherited from the US.

If this is the future then I want to get off.

I think you’ve hit the nail in the head with this post. if you really want to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your life, you really don’t need to turn the ceremony into this sort of ridiculous circus.

Im still totally gobsmacked that anyone would have someone taking photos of their baby being born. Do they seriously show these pictures to other people?

Meanwhile

I’ve read some of the explanations but I still can’t understand what a first look is. Doesn’t everyone who sees something (eg the bride in her dress) have a first look? Aren’t they all looking for the first time at one point (unless they’re blind)? And what is the difference between a first look and a second look? Is it the shock/surprise? Surely that could work both ways. I’ve been to weddings where my fifth look at the dress is best 😬. Or are we to assume/know that the bride is OF COURSE going to look gorgeous and OF COURSE the first lookers are going to looking delighted….but in that case, why take a photo of the moment? Isn’t it a generic thing, a delighted face?

This is one of those times where I feel a section of society has gone off on a tangent that I wasn’t even aware existed, and which makes me feel mildly resentful of given there are actual things going on in the main parts of society.

Your mother in law probably has an entirely different perspective. Probably sees you as incredibly hostile towards her trying to share in a happy event with her son and his family. Probably doesn’t understand what a ‘first look’ is or why you need a content coordinator.

There’s a LOT more to it than that lol, for a start the videos need to be edited!!