I think I may have been slut-shamed into hating sex!

[OneCalmReader]

Hi, Im new here and this is my first time posting so forgive me if something doesn’t make sense.
I have been with my partner for almost 5 years and we have 2 children together and I also have a daughter from a previous relationship.
From the very start of our relationship my partner has questioned my past and I feel like he has slut-shamed me many times. Well the odd time he has called me a slag etc during arguments and it really upsets me. I’m not quite sure how I’ve put up with it for as long to be honest!
I have always been very loyal to him, I do understand his insecurities and I always do my best to reassure him that I only have eyes for him.
Im coming to realise that I find being sexual with him makes me feel really uncomfortable and if he says things like “you love it don’t you?” It really makes me feel uncomfortable and also ashamed. If I ever feel up for sex first I never want to admit it or try anything on with him because I actually feel dirty and ashamed for it.
I guess I’m just looking for someone to confirm that he is the reason why I feel this way about sex! Has he slut-shamed me into not wanting to have sex with him?

No one deserves to be slit shamed, but it can be interpreted in many different ways.

calling you a slag, although not nice at alll, is likely a defence mechanism and doesn’t necessarily mean he sees you as a slag. If he did, with the greatest respect, he wouldn’t be with you and wouldn’t have had two kids with him.

Him saying ‘you love it do t you’ although a little bit cringy, is likely him trying to get reassurance from you that what he is doming is in fact what you like. Although after at least five years he should now this by now.

a persons past is their last and its their past for a reason and its onkt the current and future that matters

What is he on about?? No this is not OK at all. Some of my friends went a bit 'wild' as teens and boyfriends/husbands never judged them.

You need to sit him down, say you're very loyal and previous partners don't matter.

Yes, you are being slut shamed, controlled and verbally abused.

This is wrong.

Next time he does it, if not before, tell him it’s over. Then see who is really in charge.

l’ve been calked a slut in the past. Best wishes from a proud slut 🥰.

If he says “you love it don’t you?” the only answer is "Yes, I love it, you're an incredible lover.". It's not a question that's expected to promote a thoughtful and completely honest response.

Is equivalent to you asking if he thinks you're beautiful. He's not expected to say no.

Leave

I think that you need to have a very honest and frank discussion with about what you have stated in your opening remarks.

He needs to change his ways pronto.

Thank you everyone. I feel like when he says that during sex it’s his way of slut-shaming me in bed. I am sexually attracted to him and I am always satisfied and enjoy it but I just can’t help but feel wrong for wanting it or enjoying it and I think it’s because he’s gave me this label and it makes me feel ashamed.

I'm another one saying leave.

And 🙄 to the posters attempting to excuse or normalise the vile way your partner treats you. He's giving you the ick for a reason.
Leave Mr Ick and enjoy shagging your new partner.

A slut is someone with low standards and no self respect. Why would you be proud of that? However I doubt that's you and you were probably called that to cause offence. In that case, best ignored. I agree OP should leave. Being called a slag by your partner is abuse pure and simple.

In my book, a slut is a woman who knows what she wants and prepared to take the lead in the bedroom. The male equivalent of slut is often seen as positive that many by his peers who look up to him as a result.

Many unpleasant males are terrified of sex positive women which results in name calling.

👏 @StarlightLady

And more on why l say l am proud, as a woman with a professional job (and a tidy house),to be a slut.

en.m.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Slut&wprov=rarw1

Sounds very much like he is projecting his own insecurities and self perceived failings on to you in the most horrid of ways.

If you don't have respect and understanding from a sexual partner, then it really is a no go long term.

It isn't at all nice for you, or fair of him, for you to be made to feel this way.

As others have said, and honest open chat is ideally the first step, if you can do it, and if things aren't for changing, you owe it to yourself to seriously consider if this man is your future.