Photo posted of children without my consent

[OneCalmReader]

Hi,
I recently posted about my Narcissistic MIL. She had got angry about me not posting a photograph of her hijacking my two DDs first look at my wedding. She ruined part of my day by sabotaging a first look between my DDs and she can’t seem to understand why I am upset about it and she decided to call me horrible names and say things to belittle me.
Well, yesterday she changed her profile photo on Facebook to the photo I never wanted to post. It wasn’t supposed to happen and she had access to it from a private album of our wedding photos. Where do I stand with this? I have reported it to Facebook for violating my privacy as I haven’t given her consent to post an image of myself and my children, but I haven’t heard anything back yet. I’m just not sure how to take further action.

@OneCalmReader anyone in the world can take pictures you put online and use them and you don’t have a leg to stand on. Even if you are private doesn’t stop friends or family doing it as you can see. Morally it’s not something I would do but then I wouldn’t share my personal photos either as they are for my enjoyment and not Facebook

So you think this is a perfectly sane exchange:

OP: “My MIL posted a pic of my wedding day without my consent, any advice?”
MN: “Your husband called you a slut”

Maybe medical and IQ tests need to become mandatory before people are allowed to post online 😅

Maybe medical and IQ tests need to become mandatory before people are allowed to post online

I do so hope you are including yourself in that?

You think someone focusing on a “first look” being “ruined” by her MIL is sane enough to get married? When she’s already put all over the same forum that her DH calls her a slag and she’s already blocked her MIL?

You think that the problem with OP is the MIL? You think the problem is not herself?

And she accuses people of being triggered?

Yeah a sanity check is needed, a little late for OP!

Content creator 🤦🏻‍♀️ …And the MIL is supposed to be narcissistic one?

I’d pass any tests because I don’t think it’s normal to come online and spew vitriol about people’s lives who I’ve never met.

Sounds like you and your MIL have a lot in common. On paper you should be best friends.

I agree with not posting children's photos on social media, because they are too young to consent and it goes against their privacy.

😂😂 another perfectly rational response. I have a life, I’m not as invested in the lives of strangers as you appear to be.

If you think the OP objecting to an image of her child and wedding posted online without her consent proves she’s too insane to be married, I’m in the twilight zone 😂

Why not either a) stick to the topic and offer some advice or b) go about your day? Most people have gone for c) derail the thread to question the OP’s very moral fibre as a wife, mother and DIL and debate her psychotic obsession with social media for wanting to capture a few nice moments at her wedding.

I wish the laugh emoji was back as this had me spilling my tea all over myself when I snorted with laughter.
I reckon Op may just ask her wedding content creator to pop along for the morning……

1. How does an 11 year old know what a 'first look' is unless they are told?
2. Your MIL must've got the picture from someone - who sent it her?
3. Why is someone walking into the room at the same time as someone else such a trauma?
4. Why does it matter who sees you first? Surely the content creator saw you before anyone else? So your daughter never had the 'first look' as the content creator got the 'first look'?
5. What if you child screwed her face up on the 'first look' or was she told how to act?
6. MIL is doing it to piss you off. The more you react the more she will have fun with this.

It all sounds so draining. Your life is being taken over by pettiness on both sides. Your mil is going to be in your life for a long time. Can’t you just try to get on with her when you need to be in her company, and otherwise just let your dh manage the relationship between her and your DCs?

How old are your children? You sound a bit unhinged tbh

They do say that men marry their mothers ...

You don't have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem. Why are you having to deal with having your privacy invaded? Why isn't your husband taking his mother to task? You will never be right in her eyes so get her son to explain with crayons why (1) she is wrong (2) why she needs to apologise and take down the picture and (3) what the consequences will be for non compliance.

The solution is obvious.

Do as I do whenever my content creators’ ideas or actions clash with those of my stylist or my footwear wrangler.

I simply have my people get in touch with their people to sort it out.

What a load of bo——ks 😄😂😂

For the love…

Err…

I thought that’s why we’re all here.

😃

Because it’s a bit pretentious? If your relationship is that bad just block her then you won’t have to look at anything she posts.

But what is the point of wasting all of this money when the op is marrying someone that is a complete shit to her. Style over substance.

(I did get married in a registry office, but not whilst working. Cheap, simple and full of the people we love - including children!)

I think you are over reacting. Maybe bit of bridezilla moment. Hopefully you can calm down and forget about it.

Actually, I feel as though we have been a bit harsh on the OP due to the terminology that she has used about 'first looks' and 'content creator' etc. Had she written that she had wanted her wedding photographer to take some photos of just her and her children when she had just got into her dress, but that her mil had entered the room and ruined a private moment, she would perhaps have had more sympathy.

That said, there is a chance that MIL didn't understand the concept (which is new to many of us) and assumed that providing that she wasn't in the photos, that would be ok.

It seems though that the concerns aren't over the children's privacy as much as being annoyed at this 'ruined' moment and that photo being used as a reminder.

Op, this really is one of those times to focus on other aspects of the day. Your daughter still saw you in your dress and her reaction was presumably documented. You got married to someone you love. You got to celebrate with family and friends. Presumably nothing went horribly wrong? It's really up to you how you wish to remember the day and whether you would prefer to be on good terms with your in-laws or not.

OP, I had 25 years of a MIL like yours (although mine was truly vicious & alienated even her best friend in her later years). You need two things:

1. Your DH to back you up, but pick your battles. This is the most important one.
2. Stand up for yourself - don't 'keep the peace'.
3. Minimise contact & her involvement in your life. Your DH can see her or whatever he wants, but we shouldn't be obliged to put up with disrespect.

It took me far too long to realise these points, and for DH to back me up. I also realised how my MIL manipulated everything down to where we lived. My wedding was completely ruined by my IL's. Stand up now & take control. No yelling & screaming, just make your boundaries & distance & firmly hold them in place.

It doesn’t bother me if people choose to waste money on this crap. It’s theirs to spend. Doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at it.

There's no first look for the viewers of the photograph, unless you count the sleeve.