Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

[YehaaYessir]

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

Simmer down, lovely. There are countless cultures where women regularly show their breasts and that does not trigger men jumping on top of them.

I see plenty of judgemental posts in this thread second guessing this woman's intention. She is free to go topless if she wants to because it's a common thing in her country and she does not have to justify herself. OP will have to either accept it she has no day on this or fly back to the UK.

She wasn’t “acting like a slut”. What a grotesque thing to say. She was doing something that for her is culturally acceptable in the country you now live in.

We only knew we were moving just under two months ago. I'm learning French but cannot do it in two months.

Jesus Christ, you seem to be super clued up about this woman's intentions. Are you some sort of mind reader?
Plenty of posters have told you already this is way more common in France than in the UK! Stop second guessing this woman. And stop degrading her and calling her names like slut. You are embarrassing yourself.

Learn the lingo and make
friends. Living in a different culture
means getting to know their people. You're lucky to be away in France. At least away from the current state of the UK

You don't need to be a mind reader. Women know full well that men like breasts. This woman knew he was English, and that would carry an extra shock factor for him. I think you are degrading this woman, by implying she's so thick that she doesn't know the above. She knows. Trust me, she knows very well what she's doing. As would you, if you did the same. All this faux naivety doesn't fly.

Demeaning for you to warn her off! If it were me I’d rather she didn’t know I was worried

My point on what if she’s been wearing a tiny bikini was twofold

1. I’m sure this would have bothered OP too
2. culturally they are working somewhere where you are much more likely to see your colleagues in swimwear

i can’t bear the stereotype of women clawing another’s eyes out because she’s after her man. Wouldn’t it be far healthier to discuss it with her DH? He knows this woman better so may have a better angle anyway.

Well that’s fair warning for both of you to avoid going to the beach with colleagues. I assume you and he won’t now be doing that in the future. Really weird to be Sat talking to a colleague with her tits out (and arse if thing bikini)! Even odder that some people think it’s normal haha.

And on her speaking to your DH in French - do you know her English is good enough to sustain much of a conversation?

I have a lot of French colleagues and whilst their English is in the most part very good there are those who lack confidence in a social setting and will slip back into French

Ignore those criticising you for not speaking French OP. How on earth do they expect you to have learnt it fluently in 2 months. My God there’s some bloody vipers on here.

Exactly! The point is the dh and the colleague both speak English so to choose not to would seem a rather unkind thing to do.

I hope the op finds a French bloke to give her private lessons.

It does not matter whether men or women ike or don't like this woman's breasts or any other pair of breasts. OP needs to accept this woman can show her body if she wants to and no one has the authority to tell her otherwise or criticise her for doing so.

She’s bad news and the little vixen knows exactly what she’s doing ☹️.

YABVU to accuse her of being a slut, being topless at beaches in France is more accepted than in the UK and also in many European countries being nude in saunas etc is also widely accepted so you're being unreasonable to call her a slut.

I can see why you would be uncomfortable given it's different from how things are in the UK but a lot of this also seems to be due to your insecurities about your body which unfortunately a you problem.

You can ask your DH not to socialize with her at a beach or anywhere toplessness can happen but if you're planning to live and integrate into French society you will also have to accept it as part of life. Surely your DH is not only allowed at topless beaches if the other exposed boobs are smaller than yours.

And re soeakingy French, yes it's not nice but I also know many Europeans who speak English and will still intentionally speak their language so it looks like if you really want to integrate and have a good time you need to be more open about the cultural differences and more importantly learn the language of not start considering moving back to the UK.

You claim it's not about your jealousy about her body yet keep going on and on about how great her body and boobs are 😂

And the fact you're English means nothing, you don't expect the French to change the way they do things because you chose to move to France from the UK do you? It's on you to learn and adapt to their culture not the other way round.

If a French person moves to the UK they will have to adapt to the culture of less public nudity.

Let's say you had a new colleague from a fairly conservative country and invited them to the beach. You act the way you normally would by wearing a swim suit/bikini and his wife shows up.

Are you acting a slut because you're wearing typical clothes for you to the beach? Would you even think that you could be expected to change your behaviour/clothing because your colleague comes from a country where women rarely show more than their face and arms?

By all means OP have a go at your DH if you're that insecure but this woman owes you nothing. Your feelings of insecurity are in your head and how fucking dare you call her a slut!

Agree. More nymphet than naivete.

I live in France. I saw topless women at the beach this summer, and by the pool area. Not many, but some, so it’s still done.

YANBU however for being pissed off at her being topless; I wouldn’t like it either.

YABU for expecting her to speak English to your DH. He works in a French office; they’ll be speaking French to each other all day long. She spoke to you in English, yes? So she already made that effort for you.

YABVU for calling her a slut.

By all means speak to your DH and explain how it made you feel uncomfortable. Do not approach his colleague; you’ll be laughed at, and make your DH’s position in his new job very awkward. Right now, both you and he need friends. I suggest you look for your tribe, perhaps on local English-language Facebook groups.

As someone said up above, moving to a different country and language is hard, especially for the trailing spouse (not a nice term, but for many of us, that’s what we are). For those of us with kids in the mix, we also have to navigate schools, their emotions etc.

Do you work? As a SAHM, my job, as far as I saw it, was and is to support my DH by creating our home and social life. Not sure whereabouts you are (sounds like south or Atlantic coast, if you’re by the beach), but there will be resources available to you. France is a great country to live in, but you need to start with an open mindset.

Being topless and talking to yous husband makes her a slut? That’s an incredibly offensive word that people use to stop women being able to own their body and sexuality. I’m sorry but you need to sort your attitude towards women out.

It’s work social situation if you’re at the beach with colleagues. It’s a completely different kettle of fish given that context.

I have been in work socials that involved swimming pools - I wore a dress not a swimming costume and didn’t get in the water - as the only senior woman there I just didn’t think it would be appropriate. I wore a bikini on the beach this summer no worries, but not with colleagues, no thanks.

@YehaaYessir Do you not believe she knew what she was doing though? She must know she has a great body and boobs and that getting them out is going to be sexy for a red blooded man.

Does this not imply that women need to choose their clothing so that they don't arouse men? I'm fairly certain that thinking is no longer socially acceptable.

I lived in France for a long time, have often gone topless at the beach, and would feel comfortable chatting to friends, their husbands, friends of friends and wandering around. Culture is perhaps changing a bit for the young now, but this has always been ok.

Going to the beach with a work colleague feels slightly different, so I guess it depends on the workplace. Plus I didn’t live by the beach so maybe it’s different if you’re 5 mins away.

If you don’t speak French I think that you are going to find living there very hard. Can you have some lessons? Most French people speak some English but you’ll struggle to make deep friendships (apart from with other expats) without the language.

I’m genuinely curious if all the women on here who would have no problem with this, would then go home and shag their husband knowing full well he was thinking about someone else’s boobs?

Do you honestly think your DH only ever thinks about you sexually or while having sex? I fantasise about other men (and women) regularly, that’s totally normal