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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Cinderella99 · 29/08/2025 22:01

Omfg 999 restraining order NOW!!!!. hope ur safe 🙏 💓

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 29/08/2025 22:02

OMG. I'm so sorry. Get far away from him before this baby comes. Play this very carefully. You may need to "make up" with him tomorrow to keep you safe untill you can leave next week. Hide your passport.

hellohellooo · 29/08/2025 22:06

OP

I'm just so so sorry

I was in your shoes and MN was my life line

Such great advice on this thread

He is a dangerous bastard

Do not let him sense your fear
Say nothing re your plans to leave
When he is gone get out and never speak to him again

You poor thing could cry thinking of what he has done as I know how it can turn your world upside down

What a piece of 💩

vegetarianlouise · 29/08/2025 22:09

get that flight and go to your mum asap. Carefully plan it in a way he suspects nothing. Good luck and big hug!

Laura95167 · 29/08/2025 22:10

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 20:27

Thanks for all your messages I am reading them one by one and at a time when I really have no one it means the world to me that you are all taking the time to reply to me. Unfortunately my situation is more complex. I am abroad in my husbands country, no family, friends or support system. My only safe way out is to plan to leave and do it when he is at work or when he least expects it. He is actually due to travel for work next week so that will be my best opportunity to take a flight to my mums house and never return. I feel bruised and sore and so distraught. I’ve locked myself in the bedroom; last thing he was shouting at me was that he will prove for me his sperm is good and get another women pregnant naturally (doctors told us his sperm is the reason we had so much difficulty even within IVF context but he won’t accept that, even though he was happy to accept when it was me who had the issues. He actually clearly knew he had a sperm issue for a long time because he never showed me his sperm results and just told me everything was “fine”). What a horrible man I married. I honestly can’t believe after all the struggle we endured to concieve, including me spending almost this entire summer abroad in a different country to where we live for treatment which included a surgery I did, 1 failed cycle, a second successful cycle (now pregnant). He hasn’t even tried to speak to me to apologise not that it would make a difference now but that truly shows he believes he was right in what he did.

Ok. So, if hes violent. Leaving is potentially dangerous so you need to be ready to go when hes away.

You need a plan of what you need; passport, money, all the ID you can get, to know the location of the embassy-just in case, ring your mum get her to book the ticket so he cant catch you before youve gone. Work out what you need to take in a go - bag. Anything sentimental, cash money, few pairs of undies, toothbrush, charger, maybe if you get a chance get a new SIM so when you leave you can cut all contact. Id consider taking any jewellery for financial reasons. Once youre at the airport near your mum, transfer some money out the joint account if at all possible, if you dont have your own send it to your mums. Close all the joint stuff you can but only once youre safe

You need to act "normal" until you go. As hard as it is, its best for you safety and your babys. Good luck. Keep talking to us

ElaineBurdock · 29/08/2025 22:11

Delete anything from your phone that gives your plan away. Don't let him know in anyway you're leaving. Wait until he's on his trip and flee.

ArabellaScott · 29/08/2025 22:23

I hope you're okay, and safe, OP.

If he is still angry, can you call or text police?

Muffinmam · 29/08/2025 22:31

The most dangerous time for you is when you leave.

Before you leave you need to go to the Police and report him for what he’s done.

Then you need to leave the country immediately afterwards.

He will likely try to hide or destroy your passport so you can’t leave. But you need to make sure you get another one.

You need to leave the country as soon as it’s safe to do so. You can’t risk having your baby born in the country you currently reside in. You need to get home and if he follows you and tries to contact you need to get a restraining order. This is why you need the Police report of this assault.

I know a bit of what you’re going through - except for the violent assault. My partner became abusive after our child was born. The fact yours has done this so early in your pregnancy and has even kicked you in the stomach makes me think he’s deliberately tried to get you to miscarry.

This man is just evil.

Invigoron · 29/08/2025 22:40

Cinderella99 · 29/08/2025 22:01

Omfg 999 restraining order NOW!!!!. hope ur safe 🙏 💓

Depends what country she is in really doesn’t it …

MissMoneyFairy · 29/08/2025 22:46

Invigoron · 29/08/2025 22:40

Depends what country she is in really doesn’t it …

Show quote history

hopefully op can get the help she needs wherever she is

SpiritedFlame · 29/08/2025 22:49

I am so, so sorry OP. There were warning signs before my pregnancy but the majority happened once I was pregnant.

I hope so much you can get somewhere safe. You deserve so much better than this.

Really hope you and baby are okay.

Spongblobsparepants · 29/08/2025 22:52

ShuriPouri · 29/08/2025 20:43

I did this with my ex. He was abusive, and we were living abroad at the time. I waited till he was on a business trip and left with my son - 16months old at the time. I knew I had to wait for him to be out the house or he would stop me.

My folks who could barely afford it helped me pay for a flight back home. I never looked back.

I hope that you are safe and can get out of there.

Sending hugs

Show quote history

I did exactly the same. My two regrets were 1. Not leaving when pregnant and still able to fly and 2. Forgetting DC’s birth certificate so I could apply for child benefit - and having to return again and break into the rooms in the flat to retrieve them.
I have two friends who escaped from abroad when pregnant and they don’t have the hassle I had of having to tiptoe around Hague conventions and appease him (technically, like the poster above, I’d ’kidnapped’ my toddler).
Get out now while you still can.

Endorewitch · 29/08/2025 23:00

This is awful. Unacceptable. You say this hasn't happened before and your relationship has ended. If you don't feel like going to the police let your GP or Health Provider know the circumstances. Also let your family know. If he has left maybe a friend or relative could stay for a while. If he hasn't tell him to leave. Have someone with you when you do this.

Namechangerage · 29/08/2025 23:03

Find your passport

Get out and away from him

You could try and contact the local British embassy for advice?

Best thing is just to get yourself to the airport and fly home tomorrow if you can. Good luck and stay safe.

Emmafuller79 · 29/08/2025 23:03

Spongblobsparepants · 29/08/2025 22:52

I did exactly the same. My two regrets were 1. Not leaving when pregnant and still able to fly and 2. Forgetting DC’s birth certificate so I could apply for child benefit - and having to return again and break into the rooms in the flat to retrieve them.
I have two friends who escaped from abroad when pregnant and they don’t have the hassle I had of having to tiptoe around Hague conventions and appease him (technically, like the poster above, I’d ’kidnapped’ my toddler).
Get out now while you still can.

Show quote history

Was it turkey by any chance? If do
please tell the woman on the post about her meeting a Turkish man

Namechangerage · 29/08/2025 23:05

Can you wait for him to sleep and just sneak out and head straight to the airport, book next available flight? It’s worth a sleepless night in my opinion!

NotOvertheWorstofit · 29/08/2025 23:24

If you’re feeling worried that he’s not spoken to you since, or apologised, that means you’re looking to forgive him and move on. You should be more worried about whether his kick to your stomach harmed your baby - his apology should not be something you’re even hoping for. You need to leave this person and prioritise your unborn child. The self sacrifice starts here. You cannot, as a mother, allow your child to be around a man that could have potentially, wilfully, caused them serious harm before they even entered this world. Please leave him and never look back.. for your baby’s sake.

DBSFstupid · 29/08/2025 23:29

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OMG. You poor darling💐

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2025 23:29

Op I think you should call the police and report this, it’s actual
bodiky harm and attempted infanticide. It would help you at very least to tell the hospital and have a copy of your notes if you’re too scared of police.
what country are you someone can maybe advise more specifically?
definitely get out when you’re pregnant before baby is born but take whatever evidence of his crime wit you in case he applies for child access when you’re going through the divorce.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2025 23:30

Take with you evidence of all the properly owner ship etc too.
if you believe you’ll be safe until
he goes away with work that sounds like th e perfect time to up and leave. But gather your evidence.

DBSFstupid · 29/08/2025 23:34

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 29/08/2025 20:34

Sadly many women are physically abused in pregnancy.I worked in that area and saw it a lot.In my experience it tends to escalate as the pregnancy progresses.
As others have said make sure health professionals know,and leave this man.Get advice from a solicitor or domestic abuse helpline.
Good luck going forward.

Blimey are they? I never knew this.

Duechristmas · 29/08/2025 23:35

Take photos and send copies of relevant documents to your mum, make sure you know her phone number or email address, then if you can get consulate help they can contact her directly and get copies of your documents.
You are not alone.

DBSFstupid · 29/08/2025 23:37

Emmafuller79 · 29/08/2025 19:56

You’re so right. I can’t tell my kids dad s single thing as in his head he will say im
Controlling /gaslighting or somehow make if my fault. To give you an example he made the kids lunch (I had to do some errands outside) but here’s the catch … he fed them mushed up
Pasta, no oil and no sauce anc no drink and at 3:30pm. He didn’t see a problem when I very calmly pointed out the problems of the very late lunch and poor quality of the meal! . He said I should not criticise him as he did me a favour and that women should cook not men .

For context my kids hated that meal and I had to cook them another meal 🙄😡

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Your poor innocent children x

Emmafuller79 · 29/08/2025 23:55

DBSFstupid · 29/08/2025 23:37

Your poor innocent children x

Show quote history

I am aware of that.not straight forward to up
and leave though. He put the house in his name too give you one example …

Original poster
OneSnug · 29/08/2025 23:58

I have my passport luckily we don’t keep them together. When he is at work tomorrow il go to the clinic and get a doctors report of my injuries (bruises etc) and have an ultrasound. I have been looking for flights but need to take a few suitcases of stuff so best I leave when he is working. It just makes the most sense so I don’t sacrifice all my stuff. I know I am more important than stuff but if I can take it with me it’s better as I won’t be coming back. Plus I can’t trust him now not to make my life difficult and he already suspects because he knows what he did was monstrous I’m sure no normal human being can think otherwise so he will be paranoid now about me leaving. I will send my mum copies of everything. I’m just so distraught honestly… how has my life come to this? I actually feel numb. I’ve sat in the bedroom for hours just in disbelief I think.

OP posts: