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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BadDinner · 29/08/2025 20:53

You must leave when it's safest for you to do so, I emphasise SAFE, because leaving is a massive trigger for violent men, it is at the point that they twig that the woman is leaving that the violence escalates. If you cannot call the police, absolutely do not give him any indication that you are even thinking about leaving or unhappy enough to leave. Let him think things are great as usual.

I don't know what country you're in and don't know enough about the police where you are. A famous celebrity found herself in a similar situation in France, and I was surprised at how different the system was regarding domestic violence. That individual would have been better off sneaking out of the country with her children. Now apparently, she's stuck there.

Just be very cautious. If you cannot contact police, at least see if you can get some medical assistance. If not, prepare sneakily to go.

Shall be thinking of you 💐💐

FreyaW · 29/08/2025 20:53

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 20:27

Thanks for all your messages I am reading them one by one and at a time when I really have no one it means the world to me that you are all taking the time to reply to me. Unfortunately my situation is more complex. I am abroad in my husbands country, no family, friends or support system. My only safe way out is to plan to leave and do it when he is at work or when he least expects it. He is actually due to travel for work next week so that will be my best opportunity to take a flight to my mums house and never return. I feel bruised and sore and so distraught. I’ve locked myself in the bedroom; last thing he was shouting at me was that he will prove for me his sperm is good and get another women pregnant naturally (doctors told us his sperm is the reason we had so much difficulty even within IVF context but he won’t accept that, even though he was happy to accept when it was me who had the issues. He actually clearly knew he had a sperm issue for a long time because he never showed me his sperm results and just told me everything was “fine”). What a horrible man I married. I honestly can’t believe after all the struggle we endured to concieve, including me spending almost this entire summer abroad in a different country to where we live for treatment which included a surgery I did, 1 failed cycle, a second successful cycle (now pregnant). He hasn’t even tried to speak to me to apologise not that it would make a difference now but that truly shows he believes he was right in what he did.

What country are you in? There are escapes and help everywhere...we can help you.

rockstuckhardplace · 29/08/2025 20:55

The fact that OP thinks her only safe way out is to leave when her husband is travelling for work makes me worry that she is not in a "safe" country where she can easily get help. It may not be wise for her to say which country she is in. Just a thought that perhaps Mumsnetters with knowledge of or living in particular countries could put that country in this thread, then OP could DM those members and then this thread could be taken down.

MumWifeOther · 29/08/2025 20:58

I’m so sorry. Call the police.

FreyaW · 29/08/2025 20:59

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 20:27

Thanks for all your messages I am reading them one by one and at a time when I really have no one it means the world to me that you are all taking the time to reply to me. Unfortunately my situation is more complex. I am abroad in my husbands country, no family, friends or support system. My only safe way out is to plan to leave and do it when he is at work or when he least expects it. He is actually due to travel for work next week so that will be my best opportunity to take a flight to my mums house and never return. I feel bruised and sore and so distraught. I’ve locked myself in the bedroom; last thing he was shouting at me was that he will prove for me his sperm is good and get another women pregnant naturally (doctors told us his sperm is the reason we had so much difficulty even within IVF context but he won’t accept that, even though he was happy to accept when it was me who had the issues. He actually clearly knew he had a sperm issue for a long time because he never showed me his sperm results and just told me everything was “fine”). What a horrible man I married. I honestly can’t believe after all the struggle we endured to concieve, including me spending almost this entire summer abroad in a different country to where we live for treatment which included a surgery I did, 1 failed cycle, a second successful cycle (now pregnant). He hasn’t even tried to speak to me to apologise not that it would make a difference now but that truly shows he believes he was right in what he did.

I would worry about him starting to really think about what he did...about how he may try to hurt you further..in blind panic & the need to control.. He's going to look for reassurances that you aren't going to leave him. You'll have to try your very best to convince him...

We can get you information about emergency accommodation and assistance.
You are NOT ALONE X
..

ThisCyanPoet · 29/08/2025 21:02

If you have any injuries, take pictures of them. Send them to someone you trust and delete them off your phone or create a new email account and save them in a draft email and then delete your internet history.

When you get home, apply immediately for a protection order (non-molestation in the UK).

Pacify him until he goes away and then get yourself home.

Do you think he’ll take your passport away? Know where your nearest embassy is/the process to get an emergency replacement if you need to.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2025 21:02

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 20:27

Thanks for all your messages I am reading them one by one and at a time when I really have no one it means the world to me that you are all taking the time to reply to me. Unfortunately my situation is more complex. I am abroad in my husbands country, no family, friends or support system. My only safe way out is to plan to leave and do it when he is at work or when he least expects it. He is actually due to travel for work next week so that will be my best opportunity to take a flight to my mums house and never return. I feel bruised and sore and so distraught. I’ve locked myself in the bedroom; last thing he was shouting at me was that he will prove for me his sperm is good and get another women pregnant naturally (doctors told us his sperm is the reason we had so much difficulty even within IVF context but he won’t accept that, even though he was happy to accept when it was me who had the issues. He actually clearly knew he had a sperm issue for a long time because he never showed me his sperm results and just told me everything was “fine”). What a horrible man I married. I honestly can’t believe after all the struggle we endured to concieve, including me spending almost this entire summer abroad in a different country to where we live for treatment which included a surgery I did, 1 failed cycle, a second successful cycle (now pregnant). He hasn’t even tried to speak to me to apologise not that it would make a difference now but that truly shows he believes he was right in what he did.

You're very smart.
Plan your exit safely, go to your mum and don't look back.

Good luck and take care.

Bibanova · 29/08/2025 21:02

PiggyPigalle · 29/08/2025 20:43

Domestic abuse means you're entitled to Legal Aid in a divorce OP. That's another reason to have it recorded.

You have to show that domestic abuse has affected you either mentally or physically and then get someone to evidence that for you, either your gp, midwife, hv, social worker, hospital … it’s another hurdle victims have to jump and it’s so unfair.. also means tested! Unfair unfair unfair

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 29/08/2025 21:05

Can you contact the embassy or consulate in the country you are in and ask them to help you?

Thirteeneggs · 29/08/2025 21:15

Just sending hugs and praying you can get to your mum very quickly. Stay strong we are all thinking about you

PiggyPigalle · 29/08/2025 21:16

Bibanova · 29/08/2025 21:02

You have to show that domestic abuse has affected you either mentally or physically and then get someone to evidence that for you, either your gp, midwife, hv, social worker, hospital … it’s another hurdle victims have to jump and it’s so unfair.. also means tested! Unfair unfair unfair

Show quote history

Not in the UK anyway, we now see.

Pinkpommebear · 29/08/2025 21:16

Please Please PLEASE phone the police and get him arrested and then make sure he is never ever allowed access to either of you again. I hope your little one ok Go to the hospital and make sure and Please I'm begging you Do not go back to him.

everythingthelighttouches · 29/08/2025 21:19

Catcatcat111 · 29/08/2025 20:30

I’m so sorry OP. I would definitely fly home as soon as you’re safe, you really don’t want the baby to be born in his country. Check he can’t read any of these messages on his devices. I’d go and find your passport and hide it so he can’t stop you leaving. Keep posting here if it helps, wishing you lots of strength for the coming days.

All good advice.

can you go to a hospital right now?

Doubledenim305 · 29/08/2025 21:23

Emmafuller79 · 29/08/2025 19:45

This in buckets. Many men show there true colors once there partner becomes a mother…it’s sick making. 😡

Show quote history

Just interested...do you know why that is OP?

merryandbrightdelight · 29/08/2025 21:26

Which country are you in op? Please return home safely

vickylou78 · 29/08/2025 21:37

Can you get a member of your family to come and get you?

localnotail · 29/08/2025 21:38

OMG how horrible, OP, please, please leave now, you can't stay with this man! This mad is DANGEROUS and he will be not stop being a threat to you or to your child.

Jorge14 · 29/08/2025 21:40

Leave and never go back no matter what. I hope you and the baby are ok. If you have nowhere to go phone a domestic violence helpline, they will know what to do. Just don’t trust him & stay

Bobbybobbins · 29/08/2025 21:44

All the best op. Make sure you have your passport safe and hidden from him.

everythingthelighttouches · 29/08/2025 21:49

Be careful with passports if they are kept together and he will notice yours is gone when he goes to get his to go on business next week.

You may have to go to your embassy/consulate if he’s going to notice and sus out that you are planning on leaving.

Do you have access to plenty of cash or a bank account in your name?

Robin67 · 29/08/2025 21:53

Leave, leave, leave. As soon as you can. Never come to him or his country again.

Please let your mum and other friends know what has happened so they know to regularly check in on you until you are home.

Call or visit the Embassy if you need to replace travel documents.

If he is not British, consider reporting him to the British Police when you get back. Obviously, as the crime occurred overseas and he will still be overseas, there is nothing they can do. But of ot is registered, it may affect his ability to come to the UK again in the future.

I hope all goes well with the pregnancy, but obviously don't share any details going forward

Sending you strength, courage and hope x

Emmafuller79 · 29/08/2025 21:55

JamPotJenny · 29/08/2025 20:44

Where is your passport OP?

Good question. I hope it’s not a country that thinks little of women.

Tuesdayschild50 · 29/08/2025 21:57

This is totally unacceptable disgusting behaviour I hope you are ok.... can you go and stay with family for a few days until he leaves.
Report into the police so there is a record if he becomes abusive in the future.
Big hugs your way x

Onautopilot · 29/08/2025 21:59

Everything makes a good point that if the passports are kept together he will notice yours is gone. Can you scan yours or take a photo of it on your phone then put it back? He may be sneaky enough to take it with him but you will have the relevant info for the embassy to cancel it and get an emergency one issued. Also take photos of the bruising.
Wishing you all the best.