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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
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5
Dery · 01/09/2025 10:23

When I was pregnant, you could fly up to 28 weeks and thereafter needed a doctor’s letter confirming you could fly. There should be no problem flying in the early stages of pregnancy at all.

Cucy · 01/09/2025 10:46

hellohellooo · 01/09/2025 10:18

I fled my bastard ex multiple times while pregnant

Had to take a flight to get to my family

I flew up until 36 weeks out of necessity
It was a 40 minute flight

Show quote history

I would 100% fly in those circumstances but I don’t know how it works in other countries and whether they are able to tell if you are pregnant and can refuse you.

Beeloux · 01/09/2025 10:49

If it’s UAE you are in, then the main airline (red hats) will let you fly until 36 weeks (34 for multiple pregnancies). I travelled back to uk at 28 weeks by myself and no one questioned me in immigration despite my husband at the time (Arab) not being present with me.

It’s always best to carry a recent ultrasound with you or fit to fly in the later stages as when I worked for them, we had to look out for woman that looked heavily pregnant or close to the cut off date and if they didn’t have a fit to fly or proof of gestation, they were sometimes offloaded.

Of course I hope you get yourself out of there ASAP op. Hopefully he goes on a work trip soon and you get an opportunity to flee. Keep the act up with him. I think it will look too suspicious leaving when your mum does. He will be on high alert you might be planning this. If you don’t get the opportunity to before she does then I would aim to leave shortly after. This will give him a false sense of trust that you haven’t told your mum and have not ran away with her. Do it when he least suspects it.

Thinking of you xxx

ThreeLocusts · 01/09/2025 10:57

OP just to say you're in my thoughts. Please do get away as soon as you can.

Beeloux · 01/09/2025 10:58

There is a fb group ‘solo mums UAE’ which you will find some good advice on. (Thats if you are in UAE). I’ve seen similar situations on there before.

Beeloux · 01/09/2025 11:04

Beeloux · 01/09/2025 10:49

If it’s UAE you are in, then the main airline (red hats) will let you fly until 36 weeks (34 for multiple pregnancies). I travelled back to uk at 28 weeks by myself and no one questioned me in immigration despite my husband at the time (Arab) not being present with me.

It’s always best to carry a recent ultrasound with you or fit to fly in the later stages as when I worked for them, we had to look out for woman that looked heavily pregnant or close to the cut off date and if they didn’t have a fit to fly or proof of gestation, they were sometimes offloaded.

Of course I hope you get yourself out of there ASAP op. Hopefully he goes on a work trip soon and you get an opportunity to flee. Keep the act up with him. I think it will look too suspicious leaving when your mum does. He will be on high alert you might be planning this. If you don’t get the opportunity to before she does then I would aim to leave shortly after. This will give him a false sense of trust that you haven’t told your mum and have not ran away with her. Do it when he least suspects it.

Thinking of you xxx

Sorry it’s 32 weeks for multiple pregnancies. After 29 weeks you need a fit to fly medical certificate xxx

lizzielizard · 01/09/2025 11:12

Well done OP. You seem to be coping with this ghastly situation brilliantly. I don't know you but I'm proud of you x

LivingWithANob · 01/09/2025 11:26

Just get away asap op. It will only get worse if you forgive and stay. Glad youre ok. Perhaps only tell your mum once everything is in place

Lubilu02 · 01/09/2025 12:18

You sound like you know what you are doing.

I'm so glad your Mum is visiting, that is perfect. Keep playing happy families, even plan things ahead in the weeks/months ahead to throw him off the scent.

Just don't get pulled into the false sense of security he might display with everyone around. He intentionally hurt you and and looked to end your child's life by choosing to attack you in the stomach.

Anytime you ever need reminding, please come back here. You deserve someone who would go to the ends of the earth to protect you and your child.

I can't wait to hear when you've finally made it back to the UK with your Mum.

Will keep wishing you well in the meantime x

Conniebygaslight · 01/09/2025 12:30

Best of luck OP...please stay strong and don't be hoodwinked that this was a one off.

Dweetfidilove · 01/09/2025 12:38

You are doing the right things and I'm glad you have support.

Praying you escape safely 🤞🏾💐.

DeeKitch · 01/09/2025 13:05

Can you ‘take your mum to the airport’ and take nothing but your passport in your mum’s bag?

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 01/09/2025 13:12

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 20:27

Thanks for all your messages I am reading them one by one and at a time when I really have no one it means the world to me that you are all taking the time to reply to me. Unfortunately my situation is more complex. I am abroad in my husbands country, no family, friends or support system. My only safe way out is to plan to leave and do it when he is at work or when he least expects it. He is actually due to travel for work next week so that will be my best opportunity to take a flight to my mums house and never return. I feel bruised and sore and so distraught. I’ve locked myself in the bedroom; last thing he was shouting at me was that he will prove for me his sperm is good and get another women pregnant naturally (doctors told us his sperm is the reason we had so much difficulty even within IVF context but he won’t accept that, even though he was happy to accept when it was me who had the issues. He actually clearly knew he had a sperm issue for a long time because he never showed me his sperm results and just told me everything was “fine”). What a horrible man I married. I honestly can’t believe after all the struggle we endured to concieve, including me spending almost this entire summer abroad in a different country to where we live for treatment which included a surgery I did, 1 failed cycle, a second successful cycle (now pregnant). He hasn’t even tried to speak to me to apologise not that it would make a difference now but that truly shows he believes he was right in what he did.

I worry waiting and being around him is a mistake... this is very serious. He probably feels very out of control and erratic which may pose an imminent danger for you and baby. Hence him staying close. Can you pack a bag of essentials, money, grab your passport and phone and just get yourself to the airport and get on the first flight away? Tell your mum in private once he's at work and demand that you both leave there and then.

OneCleverEagle · 01/09/2025 13:43

The big worry is that he takes and hides her passport.
I wonder if she could go to the consulate and explain the situation if this happens, hopefully they could arrange for an emergency replacement.

DoubtfulCat · 01/09/2025 13:55

@OneSnug glad you have a plan. Do report the assault to the UK police when you get home- he needs a flag on his passport (could you take a photo of his passport?) in case he does try to pursue you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/09/2025 16:24

Thanks for the update OP. It sounds like you have thought out a good plan. Genius getting his mum to visit too so that you have several people around whilst you work on your next steps.

FattyMcFattyArse · 01/09/2025 18:20

To add to the PP saying not to get sucked in to any of his apologies and promises to change. Trust me, this was not a one-off, it was the beginning. It will only escalate and you could be in serious danger.

I'm sure you know this already, but it's highly likely that the country you are in, if you ever tried to leave after you've had the baby, it would have to be without it as fathers often get all the legal parental rights, and you would never escape with your child.

So please for the sake of you and your baby, make sure your plans involve getting back to the UK while you are still pregnant.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/09/2025 19:34

Another thought, sorry if someone has already said this, but I would be giving your passport to your mum. Less chance of it "disappearing" if she has it.

momtoboys · 01/09/2025 21:58

Thinking of you.

Invigoron · 01/09/2025 22:46

Thank you for updating us OP. We are all here rooting for you and your baby.
You are being careful and putting on a brave front. Don’t waver, you’re stronger than you know & you’ve got this.
Sooner you leave though the better.
In case he gets an idea to find a way to legally keep you there while pregnant.

Icanflyhigh · 01/09/2025 23:06

What a horrible situation OP, you sound so calm and together.
Keep safe x

FattyMcFattyArse · 02/09/2025 01:17

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/09/2025 19:34

Another thought, sorry if someone has already said this, but I would be giving your passport to your mum. Less chance of it "disappearing" if she has it.

Good idea.

Jess13224 · 02/09/2025 01:47

Best of luck, please do not forgive him even if it seems like the easiest option. Remember he did not just abuse you, when he kicked you he was intentionally inflicting damage to his own child.

LivingWithANob · 02/09/2025 13:08

Hope youre ok op

hellohellooo · 02/09/2025 13:22

The abuser plays all nice following the assault and you start to second guess yourself

Stay strong !!!!!!!

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