My husband just attacked me

[OneSnug]

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

With regards to your things, is there anything that you can parcel up (on the sly) and send home to your Mum's place? Good luck with getting out

Make arrangements to get a flight back home with mum x If he is tracking you (not sure why he would) then being at the airport to see mum 'home' wont alert him
(((hugs)))

OP it's not much help but am thinking of you and willing you on for your future💐💐

Be wary of how you tell your mum. If my daughter told me this I would find it hard to not react.

Great idea, say you're going to pick up your mum at the airport, get a taxi there and both of you jump on the first possible flight to anywhere in Europe.

Yes @Invigoron

Get your hands on your mother and leg it

He prob won't let you go to meet her alone

He will be all over you the fcking piece of 💩

When your DM's visit is over, can you accompany her to the airport "to see her off" (without him) and get on the plane too? It would need her to book your flight on her phone I guess. Don't worry about stuff, just get out of there.
Hope you are OK OP. When back in UK please get checked and don't put him on the bc.

Perhaps you can do the miscarriage idea, and that is why your mum has come to support you? Then when home get a divorce asap. No need to put your DC on social media so no need to worry there.🌸

Any problems like this contact the British embassy or consulate in that country (using new phone as suggested upthread).

OP how was today?

Hi everyone. Forgive me for the slow responses. I’m only coming on here when I am alone. I will try to answer as much as I can in one post. He came with me to collect my mum but she is here now, I haven’t told her yet because I thought about it and I know she won’t be able to act normal. Right now I have to be smart and wise. I am upholding the normal behavior as hard as it is.. I think he is buying it. I can’t do anything this week and yes am in the ME. I have some friends in high places(only my friends not his) so have made some enquiries to know what the safest option to take is right now. I understand you all urging me to make a runner as fast as I can but unfortunately that is not possible I need to be sure I won’t encounter issues at the airport, I don’t want him suspicious so some time needs to pass. We have been together for a long time so as much as this is a true shock, yes he has always had a violent nature just never physical before now. He is remorseful right now and keeps apologising so I’m using that to my advantage and had a talk about how we can “move things forward.” This was vital to returning normalcy to the house which is needed if I’m ever going to get away. Because my mum is here my mother in law will also be visiting (she lives near, is of no help and I would never ever confide in any of his family) but will help to not be alone with him. I’m setting a plan in motion.

Stay safe @OneSnug - wishing you well & a speedy exit out of the country.

I feel so sick to be in this situation and everytime I have to ‘play nice’ I just want to scream. It is really really tough. Your support means everything to me right now and I want you to all know I am reading every post when I can and I really appreciate you all.

We’re here for you @OneSnug! praying to the universe everything goes smoothly with your exit.

The most important thing is your safety. Violent partners become more violent when women leave, so it's good to take your time and plan and then enact the plan as soon as it is safe to do so.

I think you're being very wise to not tell your DM because she will react in a way that may jeopardise your safety. And to check your position on leaving the country safely.

When you do go, it may be advisable to leave as if you're just going shopping or it die the day and then head for the airport. You may also be able to pack some things in your DM's cases without being detected.

Take the time you need to stay safe.

My heart goes out to you @OneSnug

I will pray for you. Thank God you have your mum, and your friends in high places.

You can keep the act up. It will be the performance of your life, but you can do it.

You are amazing OP

Please stay safe

Hope your
Mother is ok too xxxxxx

Just seconding what @MyrtleLion 's just said about not letting your mum know so that she doesn't react.

I have experience of what an extremely low sperm count does to the male of the species; I was absolutely sworn to secrecy and so had to tell everyone that the infertility was my fault.

You have really been through it.

Playing nice is absolutely the right thing to do right now, OP. That’s the best way to keep yourself as safe as possible while you work out what to do. You may want to ask MN to delete this thread so your H can’t find it. You can always start another if need be with no identifying details - it could just say “fleeing DV situation in the ME” or something really generic. See if you can somehow safely save the contents of this thread before getting it deleted so you have them to refer to.

Would he notice if you packed up your things? , could you arrange for them to leave with your mother as excess baggage or leave in left luggage locker until you leaves or be sent by removals company?
Then just walk out with your Mum & disappear.

However I guess he knows where yr parents live….

Continue on your track. Play happy families. Give it a few weeks and see if you can manipulate conversation with your mum to have her suggest you go home when she does for a week or two so you can visit family before the baby comes. Maybe comments on it would be great to see everyone but you're not looking forward to travelling with an infant or toddler. Is he travelling for work in the foreseeable? If so, instead of hanging around at home by yourself, it makes sense to pop home now for a quick visit pre baby. You can go back with your mum so the flight isn't as boring. Even better if you have a frail relative to see before the baby us here and you can't really travel.

Good to hear your mum is coming. I'm sure she will be a great comfort to you through all this. Hoping you hatch a plan very soon to leave with her.

OP you sound like a very intelligent woman and you’re playing things the right way.

This man tried to kill your unborn child and could easily kill you too if he thought he was going to lose you.

He will likely be suspicious of everything you do.
I would perhaps discuss future plans with him like your mum coming out around the birth to help out etc - so he thinks you’re not planning on leaving.
I would also say how you want to go to counselling because things cannot get physical again.

I don’t know the rules about flying when pregnant.
Obviously this isn’t too vital, as the baby could already be affected or will be in the future from his violence.
However, some airlines may not let you fly and you don’t want to risk booking a ticket and not being able to get on a plane.

Is it an area where there are often flights to the UK?
If so, wait until he’s gone back to work for a couple of days and then the next day tell your mum, take important items only and just go. Even if it means staying in a nearby hotel for the night.

Just make sure you have your passport because he’ll want to hide it from you if he suspects anything.

This is a very good Idea! Please consider this OP. I have a very good idea of where you are and every single base must be covered. It absolutely must.

I am so happy for your update! Glad you are well and safe.

It all sounds like a wise plan.
At least whilst you're quietly putting things in motion, you will not be alone with him and in danger from his outbursts. Yes, now his mum will be there as an unwitting accomplice because your mum is there😂👏🏾

Clever!

As you're in a ME country I appreciate it's a bit naive of us to just say hop it to the airport. You do need to ensure there isn't any alerts or challenges when you leave. I guess you need to engineer it so that he agrees you need a 'trip' somewhere. I hope the prolonged acting performance isn't too tedious and stressful on you till then!

Glad to hear there has been no reoccurrences of the violence. I guess your mother can come to a pregnancy health checkup as you still haven't seen doctor yet and you can get out the flat.

Just a warning though, to not soften or allow others to persuade you to stay. Time between episodes has a way of messing with the mind. Yes, he is currently remorseful and probably genuinely feels sorry. It might be tempting to think about his good qualities - I am sure he has these, many people have a good side and he might be a generous person and a great provider, capable of providing financial stability for a family, which is nice - but if he has a problem controlling his temper it will happen again, and either you or the child might not be so lucky a second time. Usually there is also an accompanying drip feed of emotional denigration that leaves you ill in the end.

And you don't want a child to grow up witnessing violence in the home. It causes changes to the developing brain of a child. Don't fall into the trap of thinking 'Oh but I don't have the right to remove a potential child away from his family, GC, cousins, the environment here is better for children etc etc either' Those things do not compensate for the trauma to yourself and a child. I grew up observing DV. It leaves scars forever.

Wishing you every grace and bit of strength available to you and may you manage to get away from this cruel man and have a fantastic life!

I fled my bastard ex multiple times while pregnant

Had to take a flight to get to my family

I flew up until 36 weeks out of necessity
It was a 40 minute flight