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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
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5
ByNattyScroller · 31/08/2025 03:36

I’m so relieved for you that your mum is coming over, but please try and get out of country as soon as you possibly can. I would also get your mum to download- only on her phone - some information on The British Embassy in the country. Just in case you run into any problems, but don’t discuss it, until you get to the airport. Just in case he’s installed cameras in your home. If he’s travelling for work next week, that would be the ideal opportunity to leave. Just please only take what you need, as he might have asked someone to keep an eye on you. I’m not trying to make your paranoid ( but a few of my old neighbour’s used to spot my abusive ex partner driving past my flat regularly when he left me and our daughter, after he shacked up with another woman who lived quite far away) As others have suggested, I would get your mum to get you a cheap phone as well, but keep it well hidden in her luggage. If he’s still around. Just in case he does track you, and I would leave your usual phone behind, but hide it somewhere safe or throw it safely out with your rubbish, just remember to turn it off, just before you go. Remember it’s only a phone. Your life, your baby’s life - whatever you decide to do- and your mum’s life are far more important. Please stay safe and keep us updated. Sending best wishes 🙏and positive thoughts 🍀 your way

Katrinawaves · 31/08/2025 06:07

@CoralMumsnet please be very careful that you aren’t putting your mum in danger too. Don’t leave it very long before you both get out of the country.

Less importantly but for the longer term, pease see the correct info about registering the baby’s birth in this link - although it’s from CAB Scotland it’s exactly the same anywhere in the

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/family/birth-certificates-and-changing-your-name-s/birth-certificates-and-registering-a-birth-s/

In the unlikely event, the registrar missed that you were married, your husband could just ask for the BC to be rectified to have him added and if he is the biological parent there are no grounds on which this can be refused. So not putting him on the BC is a red herring and won’t protect you from interference if you choose to keep the child. But that’s a decision for when you are safely back in the UK

Birth certificates and registering a birth

Information on how to register a birth, make changes to a birth certificate and order copies of certificates.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/family/birth-certificates-and-changing-your-name-s/birth-certificates-and-registering-a-birth-s/

SmallChild · 31/08/2025 06:34

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2025 00:50

Thank goodness you are ok.

I would suggest that one of the first things you do is get your mum to buy you a new phone and sim. Chances are, its your phone he is using to track you. There are several things that he could be using and it would very simple to turn them off, but that would make things worse as he will know that you are on to him. Take your usual phone with you everywhere so it looks normal but use the new phone to book flights etc, then factory reset the usual phone and leave it behind when you leave.

Also, do you drive? Could well be a tracker in your car so when you leave, dont drive to the airport but use a taxi.

Obviously the same with shared bank accounts/credit cards etc.

Do you have you own CC and bank account you can use to book a flight with?

Very good advice on your phone OP. Abusers are at their most dangerous when they think you are leaving. Please be so careful until you are safely on a plane. Follow the PP's advice on phone usage. Try to act normal/excited your Mum is visiting and Please, please eat and drink. Thinking of you. Let us know how you get on when it is safe to do so. Be wary of posting om here until you are safe.

SmallChild · 31/08/2025 06:34

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2025 00:50

Thank goodness you are ok.

I would suggest that one of the first things you do is get your mum to buy you a new phone and sim. Chances are, its your phone he is using to track you. There are several things that he could be using and it would very simple to turn them off, but that would make things worse as he will know that you are on to him. Take your usual phone with you everywhere so it looks normal but use the new phone to book flights etc, then factory reset the usual phone and leave it behind when you leave.

Also, do you drive? Could well be a tracker in your car so when you leave, dont drive to the airport but use a taxi.

Obviously the same with shared bank accounts/credit cards etc.

Do you have you own CC and bank account you can use to book a flight with?

Very good advice on your phone OP. Abusers are at their most dangerous when they think you are leaving. Please be so careful until you are safely on a plane. Follow the PP's advice on phone usage. Try to act normal/excited your Mum is visiting and Please, please eat and drink. Thinking of you. Let us know how you get on when it is safe to do so. Be wary of posting om here until you are safe.

Billybagpuss · 31/08/2025 06:44

Can your mum pick you up a cheap smart phone so when you leave you can ditch yours if he’s likely to have it tracked

Pinkfreedom · 31/08/2025 06:54

As a pp suggested asking Mum to bring a burner phone is an excellent idea. Also paper copies of details for the embassy and airlines.

i would also put on an oscar winning performance to your Mum in front of the bastard along the lines of "oh Mum the hormones have sent me silly, I've been upsetting husband". If he sees you taking the blame for his behaviour he will not see you as such a threat. Don't trust anyone except your Mum.
Try to keep dropping into conversation a shop/venue that you really want to take your Mum to (ideally women only) this then gives you and Mum the opportunity the leave the house without him with large shopping bags (,or gym bags).
Hopefully your Mum can contact the embassy before she gets to you and get their help too.

Good luck. The baby decisions can wait until you are safe in the UK.

Beeloux · 31/08/2025 07:03

The liklehood is that he will not allow you to go home with mum. He knows after this you will not come back, especially if it’s a country where travel bans can be placed on the children. I’d get your mum to get you a cheap burner phone, new pay as you go sim card and leg it when he’s at work together.

Act normal with him and put on an Oscar. Get your mum too aswell. She can’t let on she knows what’s happened or it will raise his suspicions. Maybe say your mum and you are going on a shopping trip together. Soon as he’s at work get straight on a flight. I’d do it sooner rather than later.

If it’s the country or region that I’m thinking of, I have friends and ex colleagues who have had travel bans placed on their children by the husbands or exs and are stuck there until the child turns 18. I count my lucky stars I moved back home while pregnant.

Wish you all the best OP. Tell your mum whats happened but not in the home incase he has cameras. Keep wiping your internet history when he’s around so he doesn’t discover this thread aswell.

Omgblueskys · 31/08/2025 07:50

Maybe op you can book a little spa trip away one night as a treat to you and mum you'll need over night bag of course ☺️ get mum to arrange booking, or a day pamper session just to give you time to get away safely , he shouldn't be able to contact you for a few hours as your being pampered and won't have your fones on you 😊
You must be so excited to get her over but sad as well ,when she knows what's happening to you, together you can plan your exit,
Give him nothing to chew on, but plan every day with mum away from the house, coffee morning, walk in the park, shopping, anything to have time with her alone, I do feel he will try a stay close tho to get the vibe of you two together,

Invigoron · 31/08/2025 08:18

You mum will now be at risk too.
you both need to leave asap.
how will she get from airport to yours? Can you go to “ collect her” or “meet her” if you don’t drive? Then book flight at airport desk and get next plane out?

landlordhell · 31/08/2025 08:27

Invigoron · 31/08/2025 08:18

You mum will now be at risk too.
you both need to leave asap.
how will she get from airport to yours? Can you go to “ collect her” or “meet her” if you don’t drive? Then book flight at airport desk and get next plane out?

This

Flamingoknees · 31/08/2025 08:27

So glad you have not come to further harm OP.
Your plan makes me nervous though.
There's no way he won't be suspicious of DM appearing so soon after the attack.
Please adjust your expectations, re his possible behaviours, based on the attack and not how he normally behaves. If you don't, you will minimise the risks to both you and your mum,particularly as time passes.
Don't forget, he can also act normal and bide his time.

Plastictreees · 31/08/2025 08:36

You need to leave as soon as possible with your mum. Get a burner phone and leave by taxi, not car.

You may be stuck in the freeze/fawn threat response which was necessary for getting through this, but now you need FLIGHT.

If he is deranged enough to kick you in the stomach, I wouldn’t trust that your mums presence would de-escalate things - it’s uncharted territory and it is safer to leave asap. Your mum might not be a good actor, there are too many variables here that could make your situation worse.

Salome61 · 31/08/2025 08:54

So very sorry OP, your story reminds me of my friend. Your husband should be prosecuted for assault, what a despicable thing to do. Her husband had 'slow' sperm because of previous STI's, she had no idea when she married him. She had 12 rounds of IVF to get her new boys, and eventually left her husband. She now has severe health problems and is supported by her 75 year old mother. Your mother will be very upset when you tell her. Take great care.

SmallChild · 31/08/2025 09:04

OP please dont post on here until you are safely on a plane. You have no idea what trackers, cameras he has on you. Your Mum's visit so suddenly after the attack may well arouse suspicion. Take nothing except passports birth certificates and go. Your life is not worth it. He is like a wouded animal as he will be at his most aggressive. Please get off this thread and I pray for a happy update once you are on a plane. In his eyes you have embarrassed him,these family's die over honour please do not dismiss how dangerous a situation you are in. Your mother being s female can not come in and rescue you so please be so, so careful. Hope to hear a good update soon. I know an ambassador, 2 actually, but one American lady who worked in the ME. I dont know if that is where you are, but please be careful. You Mum might not be the magical get out card. You may be putting her at risk. I fully understand why ylu want her there. Play smart. Best of luck and get off this site for a few days. The only other way would be to PM where you are and get one of us I would to arrange with the consulateca safe exit. Dangerous if he has cameras, keyloggers, maids etc.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/08/2025 09:08

Invigoron · 31/08/2025 08:18

You mum will now be at risk too.
you both need to leave asap.
how will she get from airport to yours? Can you go to “ collect her” or “meet her” if you don’t drive? Then book flight at airport desk and get next plane out?

This...

All of this makes it all more risky.

@OneSnug@OneSnug
Pleasedo not assume your mum's presence will de-escalate... If he's AT ALL suspicious... She'll just become part of the target (he may see her as PART of the problem or may just become collateral damage...)

Can you go and collect her.. .. And RUN?? Or go to an alternate airport and get in first flight to Europer??

Have you any idea @OneSnugwhen he will definitely be out of house for longer than an hour??

Is he employed outside the house??

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/08/2025 09:10

Can you also tell us @OneSnugwjere@OneSnug
Where you are?? I assume middle East?

We can start looking up various routes for you??

CucumberBagel · 31/08/2025 09:18

Absolutely bonkers bringing your mum there and assuming you’re safe. You’ll both end up dead in a ditch. Go pick her up from the airport, turn around and go.

DramaLlamacchiato · 31/08/2025 09:20

CucumberBagel · 31/08/2025 09:18

Absolutely bonkers bringing your mum there and assuming you’re safe. You’ll both end up dead in a ditch. Go pick her up from the airport, turn around and go.

Yes, your mum coming gives you the reason to leave to go and get her doesn’t it? Say you’re going to get her, and come home x

also, he’s not reading this is he. You may need to get it deleted

MissMoneyFairy · 31/08/2025 09:22

I'd advise you qnd mum fly out ASAP, why didn't h3 go to work.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/08/2025 09:43

I've reread your posts @OneSnug

As others have said...

YOUR RISK OF VIOLENCE HAS INCREASED DRAMATICALLY....

PLEASE ACT AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE... WHAT YOU WOULD NORMALLY NE DOING ON A SUNDAY... ACT AS IF YOU'VE FORGIVEN /FORGOTTEN.... AND YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO HOSTING YOUR MUM FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS...

DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY REASON TO SUSPECT.... PLEASE!!

hellohellooo · 31/08/2025 10:01

Is there a way to contact women's aid online? Not by phone directly ?

Also consulate support?

You

Got

This

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

hellohellooo · 31/08/2025 10:07

Please follow the excellent advice on here

Could you both plan a spa day and then escape ?

Guys how can you check for apple tags? Do you need an I phone only????

LivingWithANob · 31/08/2025 11:14

Log out of mumsnet & clear search history everytime. Thinking of you op 🤞

hellohellooo · 31/08/2025 11:30

Ensure your devices are not linked to another I pad if taking screenshots

Clear phone history and messages too

Hide passport now

Stay calm

In a few days you will be free ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Alycie · 31/08/2025 12:15

What a horrible situation. When you “take your mom to the airport” you can go with her back to your country. Please do not have the baby in a country where the father will have all the rights.