Partner besotted with his adult daughter.

[Netcurtainswithlead]

Another post on here has prompted me to write this.

I have ended my relationship of a year in the last few days but want some other people’s views and experiences as I’m having some difficulty getting my head around this.

Boyfriend was 15 years older than me. He was divorced and had adult married daughter 15 years younger than me.
I gradually became aware that he was besotted with her. If anyone has seen A Bouquet of Barbed Wire it was like that. He had her picture as his screensaver, took her as his plus one to social dos instead of me sometimes, went on holiday with her and her baby staying in a family room and bought her gifts that I would have thought were more appropriate for her husband to buy her. I used to think he liked to play happy families with her and her baby. They had shared a bed on holiday many times when she was a teenager, he told me this. She was brought up very privileged and her husband didn’t earn much, they struggled for cash and my BF gave her a lot of money. I began to feel he talked about her as if she were his wife. He told me many times that she didn’t like me and she would not go to his house if I was there even though we only met briefly a couple of times. I had done nothing whatsoever ever to warrant this.

I’m not asking if people think this was an inappropriate relationship between my BF and his daughter because in my opinion it was. What I want to know is if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

This sounds very hard op and I ended a relationship for the same reason. Both the father and the daughter were obsessed with one another. It was so nauseating. Not so much the relationship more that he had a neediness for her and no boundaries at all.

What a bizarre story. Although if your male friend is potentially a dishonest person it is a different topic rather than fathers and daughters being close. Like you say in your example maybe they arent that close.

You really are either so naive you shouldn't be let loose in the world, and quite frankly you're deliberately closing your eyes and ears to the plentiful information around you that there are a lot of men who are not trustworthy or you're disingenuously pushing a really vile agenda.

Either way, your opinion is deeply untrustworthy. I feel sorry for any daughters you have because you really aren't fitting them for a world where the reality is that you have to aware of what can happen.

As I said earlier I remember once on a trip away sharing a bed with my dad when I was younger. He is not a paedohpile and I havent been affected by it in any way. World of difference between a one off or odd occasion and a regular sleeping situation. A bit of common sense is needed to determine whether social services need to take a child away from their parents.

No you are completelty wrong and you are in a bubble. I remember one of my friends said to me that because his parents did not abuse him, he thought that all parents were like his. He didnt even realise that there are many parents out there who abuse their own children.

Just because YOUR dad did not abuse YOU, has nothing to do with anything.

Plenty of adult males abuse children, which is why men should not sleep in beds with children

No I'm not completley wrong. Other factors would be taken into consideration about whether to remove a child from their family than simply "one time me and dad slept in the same bed". Have you read all the stories in the news of children who have actually died under the care of their parents who were known to social services and still not taken into care.

I think you'll find that discerning where emotional or sexual abuse is taking place is a great deal more complex than just needing a little bit of common sense.

There are courses on it an' all, you know.

One thing that always hits me when you come across these emotionally inappropriately dependent situation, what happens to the emotionally enmeshed child when the parent dies?

They must be left utterly bereft, unable to function without their emotional mainstay, and perhaps practical and financial mainstay too. They haven't developed adult independence. Either they'll struggle lifelong or they'll have to grow up very fast, very hard.

I was responding to someone saying social services could take kids away from their family for sharing a bed as a one off. In what society would that happen? Wouldnt happen in Britain unless there were other reasons for concern.

You keep saying its ok and natural for a man to sleep in a bed with a child.

That is what michael jackson said.

Then loads of children said thst he sexually abused them.

Again you are making it personal to you. It is not about you or your dad. Why do you keep parroting on and on about you and your dad. It is weird. We are talking about child abuse in general

My MIL died recently aged almost 100, and my H was her 7th (out of 8) child. He treated her the way I expected to be treated, but he also spent more time with her than with his own kids. He could never see my issue, he would accuse me of jealousy or of not understanding how a son should behave. Never mind that she lived until he was in his late 50’s and with his own family unit. It’s ok to have a close relationship with your child, but if it’s at the expense of other relationships it becomes an issue.

I hope I’ll help my DC financially even when they’re older, I’d love to take them out to a grown up event, they are always my screen saver and still having holidays together would be lovely - especially with grandchildren. Don’t think twice about bed sharing with my teens.

He sounds like a loving dad not a predator.

Because I'm using that as an example that it takes more than just "I once slept in the same bed as my dad" for social services to take kids away from their families, that's why. If social services had taken me into care based solely on that it would have been an outrage. I'm talking about the original post I replied to where someone said social services would take your kids away for that. They wouldnt unless there were other things they were concerned about.

No, but they might well have a good word about what's appropriate behaviour and what isn't between an adult man and his teenage daughter, and Social Services do not regard sleeping in the same bed as appropriate behaviour for extremely good reason. Which you seem absolutely determined to close your eyes to.

So you agree they dont take children away for that. Whether it is appropriate or not depends on the circumstances and the family. A one off is different to a regular sleeping situation which most definitely would be concerning behaviour.

Thing is, you've repeatedly talked entirely as if it's all perfectly natural and above board and wholesome and lovely.

And that it's okay when a teen daughter shares a bed with her father even if he's got an erection. And sneered at someone who didn't like seeing their brother's erect penis when he was sleeping. Which is major league creepy.

In fact your obsession with trying to push this as normal is so odd that I'm going to step away now.

I'm simply replying to people. Other people are putting words here that I've never said and other people are talking about child abuse in general (even referencing Michael Jackson) I'm not talking about any of that, simply referring to something I disagreed with re social services.

But off you pop then!

Youve said the same point over and over and over and over.

You dont think its inappropriate for a girl to share a bed with her dad on holidays as a one off.
You shared a bed with your dad once.

We 've got it! Thats what you think.

Can you stop writing the same exact thing over and over?

I have been saying that I dont agree social services would remove a child on that basis, and that whether its inappropriate or not depends on the circumstances and family involved.

And yes if people, like yourself, would stop replying to me about it I wont need to keep repeating myself 🤦‍♀️🤣

Yes...you have said that millions of times now.

Can we please move on

Oh dear, yes move on!

Thank god!

I am sick of reading the same shit over and over

You still going?! It takes two. You want to move on, move on!

Learn not to repeat yourself like a parrot.

I have moved on .

Your not learning how this works are you. Its amusing though. Carry on if you wish.