Husband insulted my appearance (and it’s not first time)

[Lamsji8372]

No kids
married for 2 years.

he is 40 and I’m 30.

In the past he insulted my looks…
He said I looked washed up, tramp, and my breath stinks.

Others, including the dentist, have told me my breath is fine. Also, my oral hygiene is good.

now recently we had an arguement. Nothing big. And I just carried on getting dressed and doing things around the house.

But as always, he has to take it too far.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked.

I ignored it as I believe I looked decent and I wasn’t going to let him break my confidence.

Then some time later…

He says look at the state of you. Laughs a lot. Tells me I have a fat belly that droops (I don’t). That I have saggy boobs (I do since childhood but I’ve accepted it). And he’s grossed out by me. He finds me repulsive. That’s why he doesn’t have sex with me (lying coz he’s always tryna initiate sex with me). Says I’m dirty, don’t wash my bum, don’t brush my teeth and have smelly breath. His exes were way better and prettier.

all I said was “go be with them”.

and he said I will. And continued insulting my looks.

he called me a whore many times. Accused me of sleeping with men.

so I said okay I’m the hoe and yet you married me. Surely that’s a reflection on you , why were you so desperate and why did you lower your standards if I’m so disgusting… have more self worth and next time choose someone more worthy of you.

then he said yeah I was desperate and I did lower my standards.
I responded and said we’ll be angry at yourself for choosing to marry me. Even when I walked away your the one who kept chasing and begging me to come back.

he continued whiling out.

Now I’m not saying I’m super attractive but let’s just say people (including his own family) have said he’s punching with me. I have never said this to him as I don’t wanna hurt him. But the irony of it all.

anyways, I’ve left home now.
but why is he being like this?

He is being like that because he is looking to destroy your confidence, autonomy and sense of self so that he can control you. He is also being like that because he is a vile woman hater who sees women as possessions and less than human. Well done for leaving him, hope you move on to a much better and happier life

Calling this 'rude' very much minimises what he's being doing.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked

I'm glad you'll be divorcing him because this isn't just being rude. Your partner is bullying you and has contempt for you.

Thank you. And you are right…

it has to be contempt. But again, I have no idea why he would have contempt. But it is what it is

He is not rude, OP: he is an awful human being, of the worst kind, the one that needs to hurt others to feel good with themselves. They have lots of names, but the base line is this: they are harmful and they will always be because they won't change.
You've done the right thing by leaving: do not, ever, go back to him.
Good luck and best wishes!

Try not to get caught up in why he is doing what he’s doing. It really doesn’t matter. Sometimes trying understand everything can make you stuck. You will get more clarity once you are safely away from him.

I have worked professionally with abusers - it tends to all be linked to poor self esteem, a desperate need for control with a good dollop of misogyny thrown in. You are far more interesting than all that - try to focus on moving forwards.

He knows he's punching. So he's trying to bring you down. Make you doubt yourself. And then when it gets to a point where you believe him, because you've heard it so often, he's got you trapped. And then he'll carry on being nasty to prove to himself that he's better than you and to make sure you know it.

He's a bully who attacks you to make himself feel better.

I'm glad you've left, don't ever go back.

Why are you trying to analyse someone whos abusive to you? Because if you find out the reason you can change him, he does ir coz he can, and he wants to and you let him, its the guy on the 5th date telling you you ate too much, its the guy saying you dont cook as well as his mother, its the guy saying he doesnt fancy you like he use to, its the women who says there is no man on the face of this planet will put me down and she leaves

@Lamsji8372 he is insecure . Trying to bring you down and he can’t stand you out and about looking good. He knows fine well he is punching which makes his nastiness worse .

Please don’t go back to this man .
what about the rest of your stuff ? He will give you lip service and thats all it is . I wouldn’t communicate with him at all unless through a solicitor.
Whose house is it and where are going to live if you have left? Do you have support ?

Blimey. Just adding my voice to the chorus.

How awful to get dressed up, feeling your best only to have someone shoot you down. That's no way to live.

I wish you strength in getting away from this bastard. You can & will have a better life without him (swears under breath at him)

This. He’s not worth worrying about. Pleeease don’t have children with him — make your escape now.

Hopefully his dick will rot off in the most painful manner.

Im Really glad you’ve left- what an awful human being he sounds.

In time I really hope you meet a wonderful man and then you will notice the difference. The man you mentioned does not love you at all. He is behaving horribly. He seems to be controlling. I was glad to note that you have left him. Very much coercive behaviour I reckon. You will be better off without him.

Run don’t walk away from this absolute d*ck

He’s an absolute abusive arsehole. Thank god (I hope) you don’t have kids. Go through with the divorce.

Where did you meet him? For your next relationship (if you can face it) I’d try not to repeat this pattern, I’m sure you won’t though.

That’s good.
hes supposed to love you not treat you like this snd make you feel so bad, you’ve done the right thing.
what a horrible specimen of a man to think it’s ok to treat someone like this, especially the person you are supposed to love.
has he been married before? What attracted you too him as 2 years married isn’t that long really. Has he always been like this?

This thread is a bit of a zombie

I can’t believe you’re asking why he is behaving like this. It’s clearly because he is an abusive arsehole. I have never said this before, but it’s on you if you choose to stay with him when he is showing so clearly who he is.

If this actually true it's so awful that it probably warrants a women's refuge and a call to a domestic violence hotline. This is serious emotional and verbal abuse.

Hey, @Lamsji8372, somebody resurrected your thread and I hadn't seen it before. I'll just say that you sound BOSS and - as you know - a thousand miles out of this prat's class. I do hope you're happily divorced now!

None of this is your fault. He is an abusive wanker. Definitely get away and stay away - he will never change.
I would advise some (solo) counselling to help you process this - I did when I was leaving my abusive ex and it was incredibly helpful.

Good luck, there are better times ahead.

This thread came up and I read it and immediately thought... I wonder if he is giving her shit, because he is having an affair? 🤔
He sounds like a horrible selfish cunt.
Divorce him 💯
@Lamsji8372

This is emotional abuse.

I agree with the posters who say it's not really important why he does it....but if you are wondering this probably is the most likely reason, to cover up for his own shortcomings, either consciously or not. People who are confident and happy in themselves don't go around trying to bring others down.

Think about it - even if a good friend (or colleague/mum/sister) of yours was looking really rough one day you'd never say any of those sort of things to her. It's not about you, you could be the most gorgeous model in existence and he'd find something to pick on.