Husband insulted my appearance (and it’s not first time)

[Lamsji8372]

No kids
married for 2 years.

he is 40 and I’m 30.

In the past he insulted my looks…
He said I looked washed up, tramp, and my breath stinks.

Others, including the dentist, have told me my breath is fine. Also, my oral hygiene is good.

now recently we had an arguement. Nothing big. And I just carried on getting dressed and doing things around the house.

But as always, he has to take it too far.

I was dressed up to attend a function. He looked at me and burst out laughing. I ignored it. He’s being immature.
He then asks me “have you seen yourself in the mirror”. I ignored it. He kept repeating. Finally I said “yes I have”. And then he burst out laughing. It was obviously that he was trying to mock how I looked.

I ignored it as I believe I looked decent and I wasn’t going to let him break my confidence.

Then some time later…

He says look at the state of you. Laughs a lot. Tells me I have a fat belly that droops (I don’t). That I have saggy boobs (I do since childhood but I’ve accepted it). And he’s grossed out by me. He finds me repulsive. That’s why he doesn’t have sex with me (lying coz he’s always tryna initiate sex with me). Says I’m dirty, don’t wash my bum, don’t brush my teeth and have smelly breath. His exes were way better and prettier.

all I said was “go be with them”.

and he said I will. And continued insulting my looks.

he called me a whore many times. Accused me of sleeping with men.

so I said okay I’m the hoe and yet you married me. Surely that’s a reflection on you , why were you so desperate and why did you lower your standards if I’m so disgusting… have more self worth and next time choose someone more worthy of you.

then he said yeah I was desperate and I did lower my standards.
I responded and said we’ll be angry at yourself for choosing to marry me. Even when I walked away your the one who kept chasing and begging me to come back.

he continued whiling out.

Now I’m not saying I’m super attractive but let’s just say people (including his own family) have said he’s punching with me. I have never said this to him as I don’t wanna hurt him. But the irony of it all.

anyways, I’ve left home now.
but why is he being like this?

Sounds like he hates women - prick.

He sounds vile.

Leave him. In what world can it be ok to talk to your partner who you are supposed to love like this?? No kids and you’ve been married only 2 years so get out NOW. His behaviour is not remotely normal. If a stranger called out those things to you on the street, you’d be furious, so be furious at your partner. It’s not acceptable behaviour. No need to try work out the why. It’s not rude, it’s abusive. You may well get some random sob story or it’ll be twisted round to somehow be your fault but draw a line here and end it. Good luck.

Abusive insecure underachiever. I guarantee he’s no Adonis. I hope to god you don’t have children because god knows what he’d be like with them. Do you have family support? Please don’t go back.

Ugh. He's doing it because he's an abusive, inadequate pos. Some men just hate women or take their insecurities out on us. What a pathetic, sad little man.

Point is, you don't let him. And you're not, because you're getting rid, and rightly so. But please look after yourself and please make sure you're safe.

Who cares why he’s like that. He is an emotionally abusive cnt and glad to hear you’re getting rid of him. I’m actually afraid for you. There is a ladder of abuse, it starts verbally and then turns physical. What you’re describing is actually contempt and soon he won’t see you as a human being with value at all. Get away now.

Same, my DH and I have have some horrendous arguments and he’s never resorted to insults about my appearance.

It really doesn't matter why he is like this, please don't waste any more of your energy on trying to work him out.
Just remember it's definitely nothing to do with you and is not your fault or problem in any way.
Concentrate on yourself now, work out why you put up with him for so long so it doesn't happen again in the future

my ‘D’F abused my mum in many ways and one of those ways was about her looks. Saying she was fat and repulsive - she’s beautiful and at that point was a size 6. Anyway that started in the early 80s and lasted for 20 years. To this day my mum still believes everything he said, to the point of where she won’t even look at one of my favourite photos from my wedding, which is of me and her…. It makes me so sad.

Don’t waste another minute with him, you may be able to rationalise it now (‘I know I’m not ugly’ etc) but eventually you’ll start believing him and he’ll ruin your life.

Have been with DH for 25+ years. We have heated debates about politics sometimes but are usually at one on important life stuff and hardly ever argue. We've had some tough times with DD2 having ASD and not getting on with secondary school and had some different views on the approach but came to agree in the end. He has never resorted to personal insults and neither have I. Glad you are separating, OP. It sounds like he can't ever be the man you'd want him to be.

I just cannot understand why anyone would want to stay with a man like this but I guess it’s not always that simple.
You’re probably still together because you think you still have feelings for the guy but spending another day with him is a waste of time. What’s the point? It’s not a normal relationship.
And I’ll just add I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, he just sounds horrible. The fact that he has to belittle his wife says a hell of a lot more about him than you, he’s not happy in life.

He’s insecure and scared of losing you and he’s a total wanker.

Well done on leaving.

You are only 30 and have plenty of time to find a respectful man who loves you and finds you gorgeous. You have no kids. This is a no brainer. Leave now, don’t waste any time wondering why he is like he is, but do spend some time thinking about why you ended up with such a nasty, vicious cunt before you go into your next relationship. If it was just that you didn’t know he was like this til later, then try to think of any early warning signs that you either ignored or explained away.

OMG he is vile, his self esteem is clearly on the floor and he's trying to drag you down with him. Hope you have left for good, you deserve better

Totally baffled as to why you would still be married to this person. He sounds like an absolute pig and tbh he’s making it very easy to leave with this behaviour. Seems pretty cut and dried to me.

He's treating you badly because he's an unpleasant person who's both deeply unhappy with his own shortcomings and far too immature to be in a relationship. He's a playground bully who's chronologically aged out of the playground but hasn't grown up. He's resorting to extremist misogynist language and tropes because he hates women. Good for you to stop being his punching bag; now the hard part is sticking to your resolve to cut him out completely even when you feel lonely or remember how he was once nice to you for five minutes in 2019.

Because he’s abusive, is showing you who he is for real now

he will only get worse

your self esteem is at risk, actually your life is too.

get out asap.

He’s rude because he hates you. He probably hates all women, but there is something in him that is pushed by you being there breathing.

Maybe he does genuinely think he deserves a super model with the brain of Einstein, and a business the size of Tesla, and you are a reminder that he’s a failure.

Or maybe he knows you’re way out of his league and he’s jealous and insecure.

Who gives a shit? Ultimately, every time he looks in the mirror he sees someone he knows is a cunt. That’s karma enough.

And you haven't had him served yet...why, exactly?

Domestic Abuse. Thank goodness you've left him.

It’s abuse - called the Madonna/whore complex according to a therapist I saw. They workship you then trample on you, especially if you reject them in any way. He wants to make you feel small so you don’t leave. Leave asap as it will progress to physical violence as it did with me

So glad you have left. It would have got much, much worse. He was showing you who he was, and thank goodness he did. You had a warning that many women don’t get. I hope you can be kind to yourself and gradually pick up the pieces. Be very careful about who you surround yourself with, particularly as you recover. You may have started to become desensitised to it all, so be aware of that. All the best.

Wow. Easily one of the worst posts I have read on here, and that's saying something. He sounds utterly VILE.

He thinks its ok because he has got away with it for so long. Don't misunderstand, I am not victim blaming but does he have any good points at all?

It doesn't matter why he does it, the only thing you need to know is that it isn't about you. I am glad that you have left, please do not go back. He is scum, you deserve better.